tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97058922024-03-07T01:57:46.391-08:00WhateverKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.comBlogger405125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-27563659755198386092013-09-24T11:58:00.003-07:002013-09-24T11:58:47.254-07:0024<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a new obsession about 10 years late. The show 24 starring Kiefer Sutherland as a government agent for a fake branch of the government called CTU, which stands for Counter Terrorism Unit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">CTU isn't real of course and neither is the show but I'm really enjoying it. It's a thrill ride and I know I'm late to the party, but I'm so happy I found it on Netflix. It's addicting like nothing I've seen on television in a long time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kiefer Sutherland is the star of the show and he plays an Agent named, Jack Bauer. A wholly courageous bad ass who does what he feels is right, even when he's breaking the rules. I agree with that philosophy. I'd rather have you break the rules and do something "wrong", then always following orders blindly but never sticking your neck out for something you believe in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Obviously, at the end of the day, it's a tv show and should be viewed as entertainment and this shouldn't be able to persuade you to do anything different in your actual real life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm loving this show and I can't wait to see where it heads. And a side note for anyone that doesn't think writers matter: 24 is a show with a great cast and imaginative and unpredictable story lines. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Proof positive what good writing can do for a show. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-29591075155940852512013-09-24T11:11:00.005-07:002013-09-24T11:11:45.793-07:00Blog Rebooted<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-73275880514679214692013-06-14T12:55:00.003-07:002013-06-14T12:55:17.652-07:00ADD?Failing at this blogging thing daily. Next week will be better.<br />
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Sometimes I have trouble focusing and lose track of what's happening.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-40004447551712937272013-06-11T08:13:00.000-07:002013-06-11T08:13:09.234-07:00JFDI INDEED<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In April of this year, myself and some fellow creatives I know, brainstormed and came up a creative challenge for ourselves called, JFDI Challenge, which stands for Just Fucking Do It.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was a writer who while writes daily for her job, wasn't doing any in my personal life. And within 80% of copywriters there lurks a "real writer" wanting to get out and put their true passion to paper.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And so, I accepted the challenge and for 30 Days straight I submitted a new story or an edited redo of a previous story. Sometimes we just can't gain the perspective we need to do our art, till we step back.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As I suspected, when I started, my work was rusty and sentences weren't artsy or flowing. Sometimes they just sat upon the page like lead weights. But as the month progressed, I saw good raw materials, themes, and ideas worth exploring. And wasn't that the point?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Since the challenge has ended, the creative part of me that I really need to work on fostering every day lay dormant. Until today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My new challenge is to blog again. Every day. I used to start every work day like this and while math isn't my forte, at the end of one year, 365 days of expression, story ideas, or just a two sentence blog will be awaiting me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As the challenge name says: Just Fucking Do It.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here we go.</span>Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-11038444881667346772012-10-10T10:33:00.001-07:002012-10-10T10:33:33.079-07:00Time to Write<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So very true. I've talked about it for so very long, but now I'm actually excited about starting this process, and getting it down on paper. I know I have the talent, I just need to forgive all the shitty first drafts that are about to come with it.<br />
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Writing has always helped soothe my soul, and to that end I think the first step should be a rough outline of what stories I want to include in the book.<br />
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I love traveling to new places. I return with new inspiration and drive to push forward.<br />
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Onto writing and the gym I go. Those are a few more pieces of the puzzle of my life that need to get fit into the whole deal.<br />
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Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-4043914918712548152012-10-09T12:41:00.001-07:002012-10-09T12:50:08.676-07:00Barbara and the Wonderboy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm still reeling from my weekend adventures. Feeling like I've got an emotional hangover today.<br />
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It was all good things but just a lot of big emotional things this past weekend. First off, I made my first ever trip to Texas to visit Barb, a dear friend of Nevada's. So that was awesome to spend time with somebody who also knew and loved her. It made me feel less like a weirdo, seeing somebody else's house also decked out in Nevada photos and artifacts.<br />
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As Barb said, "We went through a battle together. We totally have that solider bond."<br />
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Yes we do. And emotionally, we're both in much better states of mind. But this time of year is hard. It's Nevada's anniversary so it feels heavy even before I do anything.<br />
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But I loved seeing where Barb lived and seeing her ranch with all the crazy animals. And I can finally check Lukenbach off my list. I've been there! Small as hell but very cool.<br />
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Then, the main event. Nik's wedding. Nik and I met when we were going to school in Atlanta at Portfolio Center. Nik was one of the youngest people in our program and I was one of the oldest. There's an eight year age gap between us. I've always felt close to Nik. In part, I think because he reminds me of my older brother Shane.<br />
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And he's just that guy that's always there for his friends. Did we talk every day on the phone or even email daily? No, we didn't. But we've maintained a friendship over a nine year span. We haven't lived in the same place since 2003. And yet, in 2012, we're still connected enough that when he invited me to his wedding in Austin, there was only one possible answer.<br />
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I celebrated with Nik when he turned 21. And when my dad died, he called and left me a voice mail telling me he loved me. He proceeded to instruct me to go listen to Johnny Cash's Sunday Morning Coming Down.<br />
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He's not much of a talker on the phone... but in October of 2009 and after, whenever I called, he'd answer or call me back shortly. Then my dad died and he continued to be there. I once remarked, "It's weird how you keep answering the phone."<br />
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Nik told me, "I don' want it to be the one day you decide, you're just going to end it all and I didn't pick up."<br />
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He's also one of the most talented and gifted writers I've ever met. Back in school, I deemed him "Wonderboy." Partly inspired by the movie, Wonderboys about a writing teacher and his protege.<br />
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It was awesome to see Wonderboy so happy and to witness him getting married.<br />
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Looking forward to seeing where our many more years of friendship will take us. <br />
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<br />Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-35182937809879061272012-10-09T12:15:00.005-07:002012-10-09T12:15:29.639-07:00Turns out, He can console<br />
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"Kelly, I was sorry to hear about the loss of your friend today as we
talked on the phone. It even made me cry as I was talking to you. I have
experienced those type of losses but that doesn't make your any less
hurtful. By expierence I can tell you that as cliche as it is "time
heals all wounds" it actually doesn't heal them but they will become
less jagged. Trust me."<br />
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Love, DadKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-64255882820502154902012-06-19T13:40:00.000-07:002012-06-19T13:42:44.873-07:00Good so Far2012 is shaping up to be a great year, and I'm only half way through. Especially when one compares it to 2009 and 2010 and let's be honest, 2011 wasn't that great either.<br />
This wasn't to be a blog by Debbie Downer though so onto why things are good:<br />
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1. My new house: Loving it. I am still working on decorating it. But I'm loving it. Coming home every day to my own space that I pay for all by myself has given me a sense of contentment and peace I didn't think one would find in a mere house. As I slowly turn into a home, I love it more every day. I look forward to projects in my yard, to finding the perfect kitchen table, and to painting my bathroom my favorite color.<br />
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2. My new dog. Yes, part of the reason I wanted a house (besides getting away from the cheap ass landlord) was so that I could get a pet again. So about six weeks ago I adopted a puppy. I never intended to get a dog that was so young, but like people you either have chemistry or you don't. We had chemistry from that first meeting at the shelter in Pontiac.<br />
Scout ( her name was Marigold) and I had an instant connection. She put her paw on my leg and laid her soft puppy head on my lap and that was it. She picked me as much as I picked her.<br />
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Life with her hasn't been dull and gets better every day as we get to know each other and our respective quirks.<br />
Scout enjoys cuddle time every morning when she first wakes up. She grunts her approval when she's done eating and when we ride in the car, she puts her paws on the console so she can look out the front window and periodically leans over and licks my arm.<br />
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3. The third reason why 2012 is shaping into awesome is because I have a new job. I've only been at my new place for just under two weeks and I can already tell that I'm going to love it here. It's a Social Media Company, so I'm learning a whole new set of skills, which makes me happy. The company really values the employees and treats us with respect. I'm three miles away from my house, and I can bring Scout to work sometimes.<br />
You can't ask for more than that.<br />
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After being at my lowest, I think it's making me appreciate the good things even more.<br />
I've started eating healthy again and exercising so there's really no limits on where I can go.<br />
Come on 2012: Bring me the love of my life. I'm ready.<br />
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<br />Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-79234742494618366692012-04-03T18:58:00.002-07:002012-04-03T19:08:36.074-07:00A Home was House warmed2012 is turning out to be an eventful year as we approach the fourth month of it.<br /><br />I became a homeowner for the first time after finally deciding I've had enough of my shitty but nicely located flat in Royal Oak. I grew tired of all the quirks of my flat. Like the fact that I couldn't ever control the cold water in my shower. I'd had enough of the neighbor lady downstairs and her antics with all her gentleman callers. Enough was enough.<br /><br />And because the Detroit economy is such a mess, it was time to make it work to my advantage. Thus, as of January 26th, I became a homeowner in Berkley. This past weekend, I had a proper housewarming party. Basically a coming out party for my house.<br /><br />The party was by all accounts a success. Meaning that unlike my party that I had in the 8th grade the guy I have taken a liking to, actually did come and didn't make out with a girlfriend in my laundry room. Progress people.<br /><br />It was awesome to have all my good friends and my family all hanging out for an evening. Lots of drinks, good food, and conversation. I was nervous worrying people would find my party lame and leave at 7:30 pm.<br /><br />None of that happened. And instead for one night, I partied like a 21 year old. <br /><br />I'm looking forward to many more parties and celebrations in my new home this year.<br /><br />Every day that I come home here, I am in awe that I OWN it.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-7691795356383575852011-07-20T07:42:00.000-07:002011-07-20T07:59:05.936-07:00Cut and PasteIn my attempt to get back to my writing, I spent most of the afternoon staring at a story that I've decided to revise since it's the subject matter is a little lighter than some of the others. But all I managed to do all afternoon, was move the order of the story around. <br /><br />I can tell there are some structural issues. Other than that, I'm stuck. I'll just keep plugging away today though, as that's really the only choice I have if I actually want to make any progress to speak of. You know you're stuck, when you spend hours just cutting and pasting. If I want to look at this from an optimistic viewpoint, at least I could tell I needed to move things around. That's something, right?<br /><br />Other ways that I'm feeding my soul....leaving town with Connie up to my mom's for a few days of nothing but beach, sand, drinks, books and deck time.<br /><br />I'm ready.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-24192620400068896362011-06-30T11:59:00.000-07:002011-06-30T12:04:34.766-07:00Time to Dust off the KeyboardI've turned into a blogging slacker. For a time, I would get to this blog every morning and use it as a warm up for my writing day at work. I'm vowing to get back to now, as after all my years of thinking and plotting, I truly am going to start writing my book. I have lots of stories and what I do know is that writing as always saved me.<br /><br />Has always helped me express myself and deal with things that may be bothering me.<br /><br />And I trust it will happen again. If I just let myself go and write my heart out. It's my passion and if I could make a living as an author, I'd be the happiest person on the planet. And I'm not exxarating.<br /><br />Putting in this public blog to give myself a sense of accountability. The blog needs re focus and take new shape anyway.<br /><br />Not sure what that will be. I'm just happy for now, that I'm typing on a keyboard with the intent to have work produced.<br /><br />Heading North after work with some good friends and I'm really looking forward to it. They're the kind of friends that feel like family.<br /><br />Happy 4th of July weekend to all.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-15148792614938639012011-05-31T10:43:00.000-07:002011-05-31T11:06:23.196-07:00Memorial Day Weekend- Bam Summer is HereIf Memorial Day is the official kick off to summer, then I kicked it off wearing a steel toed boot while holding a mug of beer. <br /><br />One giant perk of my corporate ad gig is something that management calls Summer Fridays.<br />Summer Fridays are you guessed it, Fridays during the summer months that we can take off.<br />Every other from now till Labor Day. <br /><br />My weekend started Thursday night then with drinks at my favorite bar, The Black Lotus with the original Black Lotus friends. :)<br /><br />Friday morning I woke up and managed to drag myself to the gym. Wasn't feeling too good but managed to get my house cleaned up a bit. Rested for the afternoon and then Becky came over and we went to dinner at Zumba and then we watched, Hangover 2.<br /><br />Saturday morning was still feeling a little off and since the weather wasn't cooperating, Connie and I changed our nature hike into a trip to the movies. We saw, The Lincoln Lawyer. My review is that it was a pretty good movie.<br /><br />After that we did some window shopping and I found a new beach hat for the summer.<br /><br />Home after that to head to Zosia's birthday party. Stayed just a few hours because I had to get up early Sunday for a Wedding brunch in Ann Arbor.<br /><br />Sunday morning, I woke up got dressed up and drove to Kim and Tom's to ride along to Ann Arbor. Yolanda and her boyfriend Nestor got married in the woods. I wasn't invited to the actual wedding but came later for the post wedding brunch. Came home and rested on the couch just for a bit. <br /><br />Then it was off to an impromtou dinner and drinks visit with Jan and Greg and Trevor on their deck.<br /><br />Ignoring the tornado warning, I just hopped in the car and went with it.<br /><br />Steak dinner and lots of conversation later, I headed home.<br /><br />Monday morning brought sunshine for Memorial Day. Headed to Pam's Memorial Day Parade Party with my brothers in tow. It was nice spending time with them and on Memorial Day.<br /><br />Home for a short nap after that, and then off to Kim and Tom's for a BBQ.<br /><br />Very fun and hot. :)<br /><br />All in all, I feel like I crammed a few summer weekends into one.<br />Can't wait to see what else the summer brings. If all the weekends are like this past one, my laundry may never get done.<br /><br />And that's ok.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-53044403062014939732011-05-03T13:30:00.000-07:002011-05-03T13:31:37.509-07:00A Friendship in SummaryThe funny thing about friendship is it’s truly a sum of its parts kind of deal. You don’t catalog this or that. You just accept what is about your friend and take it in stride.<br /><br />Strange that after one dies and I think of her in a collection of character traits. Like how when we would go for our daily walks, Nevada (that’s her name) she’d always stoop down to pick up loose change. Even pennies. Most people wouldn’t bother. But Nevada would always scoop it up like it was a gold coin and say, “Hey, it’s money isn’t it? I’m not too proud to pick it up.”<br /><br />Nevada was brave, strong, vibrant, strong willed, compassionate, a hater of small talk, and a lover of flowers, plants of walking outside, of a cold beer on a patio.<br /><br />Afflicted with a rare brain disease called, Moyamoya that killed her.<br /><br />Before she died, she lived a full life.<br /><br />And I was lucky enough to part of that life. Our paths crossed in the winter of 2006. We were both copywriters for Ford Motor Company’s ad agency. Most writers aspire to write more than car slogans… and this was definitely the case with Nevada. She self published one book and was in the middle of writing her second one when she died. <br /><br />And myself for that matter. But this story isn’t about me. Not really. I was just along for the ride. A friendship for the ages—that lasted only four years.<br /><br />She and I shared some similar personality traits: We’d never stop talking, we loved to write, to drink beer, both steadfastly loyal to those we loved, and a wicked sense of humor.<br /><br />Me though, I will say even to strangers on the sidewalk or when a new person would walk by Nevada and mine’s desk… Nevada used to tease me, asking me why was I talking to them? They didn’t know me.<br /><br />We used to joke about how when we got old, we’d both be at the nursing home and I’d be saying hi to everyone and Nevada would be grumpily telling everyone to go away.<br /><br />It’s a wonder then how we even became friends in the first place. Perhaps I wore her down or she learned I wasn’t as much as a dork as I perhaps originally appeared.<br /><br />I can’t be sure what it was, but I am just glad it is so.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-63559806041591093002011-04-03T14:11:00.000-07:002011-04-03T14:20:37.168-07:00Assorted ThoughtsI've got some random thoughts on mind, so this blog will be random as well.<br />Just a little warning before we get started.<br /><br />1. Sunday dinner is in the oven. I try to make a big dinner on the weekends and then I have the leftovers during the work week. Plus, I have more time to enjoy the cooking on the weekend. Tonight's feast is roasted pork loin, roasted carrots and an actual potato that is baked in the oven. It tastes so much better than when you microwave them.<br /><br />2. I hate the word webinar and any word that comes before or after it. It is just a fake word that makes one crazy.<br /><br />3. I've got to continue my decluttering this week. Spring cleaning can be liberating.<br /><br />4. Enjoying my new Adele cd that just arrived. Why I ordered an actual cd, I can't remember right now but the good news is, I can listen to it my car. The only place left that I actually own a cd player.<br /><br />5.I'm sick of winter. I'm sick of faux winter. As much as adore my flannel sock monkey sheets and my fleece pajamas, I'm tired of wearing them. Time to retire those flannel sheets and open the windows, to let the sunshine and spring air in.<br />Hurry Up Spring!<br /><br />6. Looking forward to the last season of Friday Night Lights. A great show that is highly under-rated. I think I can get the whole season on dvd on Tuesday. Or I can hold out for Netflix. Probably the smarter choice.<br /><br />7. Household chores and laundry also being completed this weekend. Not fun, but feels good after it's done.<br /><br />Time to go. Dinner's ready.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-84235736301469344592011-03-30T08:09:00.000-07:002011-03-30T08:37:35.744-07:00Not for the Faint at Heart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeCU5QtnC1Nh34Q1sRoz-KYeV9qxkw8ewDh7Ji_lChvZCFvtZ7_MHFY_7tUB0vqIppZaJn3xMufVfiH5SvxIPXHF6sO5uP3BjEIFjZ4OEAx53_n4ezUh22s7N6Z5Aeu8Uit18XJw/s1600/16155_745066598618_21718520_42669381_5214888_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeCU5QtnC1Nh34Q1sRoz-KYeV9qxkw8ewDh7Ji_lChvZCFvtZ7_MHFY_7tUB0vqIppZaJn3xMufVfiH5SvxIPXHF6sO5uP3BjEIFjZ4OEAx53_n4ezUh22s7N6Z5Aeu8Uit18XJw/s320/16155_745066598618_21718520_42669381_5214888_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589897549413276578" /></a><br />Grief is changing. I'm finding it's always present but at least it has the decency to take a background chatter/ache some days. Then other times out of nowhere, when you dared to smile and laugh for just a minute.... it slams hard and takes over your whole body.<br /><br />Now, I should have seen this one coming. I bought a memorial keepsake ring with the intended purpose of storing a small amount of my dad's ashes inside. No one would ever know.<br /><br />But it should be him, as I've already had his initials engraved on the inner band. I can't very well store somebody else in there.<br /><br />The ring arrived very quickly after I ordered it.<br />Great deal on a classic looking ring from deaddad.com. (Kidding).<br /><br />Anyway, the ring came with a mini funnel and crazy glue to fill and then secure the tiny opening after. That in itself made me laugh for some reason. It's all so absurd.<br /><br />I mentally steeled myself, and got out the directions. After carefully lifting the lid on my dad's urn, (a cookie jar for those that don't know), I scooped out some ashes.<br /><br />Spooned them into the tiny hole with a plastic spoon and... drum roll.... nothing. <br /><br />The ashes are very fine, but apparently they are no match for the tiny funnel. <br />They were still too big to fall down into the ring opening.<br /><br />What could I do? I simply packed everything up, poured a beer and vowed to try another time.<br /><br />It got me thinking though. Maybe I'd just keep the ring, sans dad. I will still wear it in his honor. But maybe he doesn't need to live inside my ring that I wear.<br /><br />This isn't a question that can really be solved. Every one is different, and what works for some may not be suited for you.<br /><br />And any choice is yours to make. Because that's the thing about grief. Books can be written, stories can be shared,but at the end of the day, grief I'm finding is really a path we all have to travel on alone. <br /><br />Yes, we need lots of help, love and support along the way, but the ultimate healing must come from yourself. <br /><br />This morning, I'm contemplating my ring. To fill or not to fill? <br /><br />And the bigger question, where to take my dad to set him free? <br /><br />I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to spend eternity on bookshelf in a Shamrock covered cookie jar.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-27858619378742748802011-01-07T08:12:00.000-08:002011-01-07T08:25:15.371-08:00You Don't Always Get What you Want. But Sometimes You Get What you Need.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_yCydfGqz7P1m2S6HkpFyJizIIA8JY0o9dKzClNUn6tVfvrqH7ImVTqp21YiRUC_Wf_Pa_O_YZCc6NQ3yrOXPdk7-OgfERW4sPmrU_2LzVqYO1rz09vh5sClh-GTsYInK7xcXdg/s1600/Donny-Osmond-Donny--Marie-Doll-335529.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 365px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_yCydfGqz7P1m2S6HkpFyJizIIA8JY0o9dKzClNUn6tVfvrqH7ImVTqp21YiRUC_Wf_Pa_O_YZCc6NQ3yrOXPdk7-OgfERW4sPmrU_2LzVqYO1rz09vh5sClh-GTsYInK7xcXdg/s400/Donny-Osmond-Donny--Marie-Doll-335529.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5559480113476927874" /></a><br /><br />Allow me to explain. When I was about five or six, so we're talking 1978 or 1979, I asked Santa Claus for a Ken doll for Christmas. Barbie needed some arm candy. Fast forward to Christmas morning, and there under the tree was a Ken shaped box. Imagine my thrill as I tore through the paper to find the Purple fringed doll above.<br /><br />Confused, I ask, "What is this?" Why did Santa bring me this doll?" Where's Ken?"<br />My mom told me: "That's Donny Osmond. He's better than Ken."<br /><br />My Barbie dated Donny Osmond for years. <br /><br />I have often re-told this story to my mom's chargin. She has heard it many times over the years. Most recently while out to dinner with my oldest friend Connie.<br /><br />It's now Christmas 2010 and I am worried, and sad. Wondering how I'll feel on my first Christmas without my dad. As is tradition, we open one gift on Christmas Eve.<br /><br />I opened mine to find a brand new Ken. Complete with "real hair." (pictures to follow shortly).<br /><br />My mom had intended the present as a joke, but what she actually gave us was a gift.<br /><br />A reason to laugh and to have fun at this first somber Christmas.<br /><br />We spent the next few days posing Ken particapting in things we were doing as a family.<br /><br />And as a way to document my adventures with Ken, I'll start using this space to share my new adventures with Ken.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-28920571694514645652011-01-01T18:13:00.000-08:002011-01-01T18:24:24.563-08:002011- Day 1One of my goals for 2011, is to write again. This is a big improvement over last year, where my sole resolution was to not commit suicide.<br /><br />Since today is the very first day of the new year, it seemed to be a good time to get writing, even if today it is only this blog entry.<br /><br />I survived my first set of holidays without my dad and my second without my dear friend Nevada. Both of those things seem surreal. I'm cleaning out clutter though to get mentally geared up to do many things this year. Self publish a story collection, (sounds less imitating than writing a book), getting back to the gym and exercise (we will take it one day at time), but considering I had cereal and a glass of wine for dinner, today doesn't seem to be the day. (Let's be honest and two cookies). :)<br /><br />Hoping to continue traveling this year as nothing sets my spirit free, like new air when I wake up someplace new. <br /><br />Plan to focus on getting a new job where I don't dread going in to work, all while enjoying the plethora of vacation time the current job allows.<br /><br />Today, I bought a new computer battery as what good is a laptop that can't leave the house for fear of being disconnected from the power outlet? And I did make it to the grocery store.<br /><br />May 2011 bring me love, laughter, gym adventures, writing material, good writing, good beer, good friends, a great family, a chance to wear all my cute old clothes again, a few vacations, and a lot less pain than the end of 2009 and the entire 2010.<br /><br />Love to all that read this. I hope we can take this journey together. <br /><br />My GPS is fired up for our adventures.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-78427730981505988972010-11-23T10:41:00.000-08:002010-11-23T10:43:04.845-08:00Thanksgiving 2010Below is a repost of my Thanksgiving, 2007.<br /><br /> Turkeys Come Home<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving!<br /><br />It's pre turkey and I've already had a nap. I'm hungry and going to drink wine.<br /><br />I'm thankful that my dad and my uncle joe are here.* I shall try to focus on happy things today.<br /><br />I've arrived up north. Tis the quiet before the bird.<br /><br />Till Later.<br /><br />*Thankful we had them as long as we did, although no time would be long enough.<br />Looking forward to feasting and drinking.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-83979816916672093492010-10-13T10:59:00.000-07:002010-10-13T11:12:47.024-07:00Wednesday RamblingsIt's unfortunate that this is most needy I've ever been in my life, and yet I hit a wall with friends. The availability just really isn't there. <br /><br />It has forced me to be even more independent. And to seek out those that can see me on a whim. Mostly those people are my Nevada friends.<br />Which are certainly mine by now, but I use that descriptor as a way to explain who they are.<br /><br />I needed those people that suffered as much as me, and I also need people who are not grieving, for breaks when needed. But I have had to adjust and because of that, I have to make some rules for myself for self preservation.I've stopped asking people to hang out. No matter if the reason is as valid as anything in the world, I can't keep getting rejected. It just adds sting to an already open wound. It's not intended as punishment, but rather a coping mechanism. I simply can't wait around for people to throw the little scraps of time my way. I'd be happy to hang out with people, but I have to let them ask me, after I've attempted it more than a dozen times. At some point, you're just begging, and who needs that?<br /><br />Between Nevada's death and my dad's, the hole is huge in my life, and I can't really look to other people to fill that void. As lonely as I am, I still need to find my own way in the world.<br />It's certainly more difficult with the loss of one of my best friends, and the only father I'll ever have. And the lack of a significant other. The burden feels like it is mine to carry.<br />And even if there were someone significant in my life, I still would have a lot to figure out on my own. I realize no one can make me happy but myself. <br /><br />That being said, I find I suffer from feeling left out of a lot of things that friends have. Husbands, kids etc. And yet, I don't know if I myself will go that path.<br /> I hope to meet a love that is ever lasting, but who is to say, when and if that will be. And when I picture kids, I picture myself adopting for some reason.<br />If I even have kids. I still don't know and I guess since I'm not pregnant or even having sex, that's one worry I can cross off the list.<br /><br /> The fact of the matter is, that our lives are so very different. <br /><br />Thus, so are my relationships.<br /><br />But, they're are not going anywhere. True, some friends haven't been as involved in my daily life, they still care about the major things... birthdays, funerals, etc.<br />I don't have to wonder if they will show up.<br /><br />They just do. Or their flowers, cards, gifts, scarves, and coffee do. :) <br />And that's what friendship is.<br /> <br />The truth is, we all do the best we can. I know they love me.<br /><br />All I can hope for from anyone is that no matter how busy their lives get, they'll still find time for me in it.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-35306793917658716962010-10-06T12:58:00.000-07:002010-10-06T13:04:08.942-07:00Sailing Around the Room<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUX-Eu1TOcyCIlciSU_r_haQ44BG6NAnuVmVJ0HCvYiFlcrLSkQXzKAyvjohle65kkHt0tkWhaJW1Tk4Vdauku_VvcYJLH0UVFoPO8l0znvhWDTiuOR7KMuZptHdx3prwYN2iDDA/s1600/hat+nev.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUX-Eu1TOcyCIlciSU_r_haQ44BG6NAnuVmVJ0HCvYiFlcrLSkQXzKAyvjohle65kkHt0tkWhaJW1Tk4Vdauku_VvcYJLH0UVFoPO8l0znvhWDTiuOR7KMuZptHdx3prwYN2iDDA/s320/hat+nev.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5525026345295573938" /></a><br /><br /><br />Lyrics by Emmylou Harris<br /><br />One last gaze upon the sun<br />It bid farewell to everyone<br />Kick that bucket out the door<br />Where I'm going I won't need it anymore<br /><br />Gonna lay my burden down<br />Take a bird's eye look around<br />From the tall pines of Carolina<br />All the way to the wall of China<br /><br />So I'll go sailing round the room<br />Through my window, across the silver moon<br />No flesh and bone to hold me<br />I'll finally set my soul free<br />When I go sailing round the room<br /><br />Life may be just but a dream<br />Rowed my boat on down the stream<br />To wake up on a different shore<br />Wind up as something I ain't never been before<br /><br />I could be a drop of summer rain<br />Falling down on an Oklahoma plain<br />I won't leave the world behind me<br />Look around and you will find me<br /><br />So I'll go sailing round the room<br />Through my window, across the silver moon<br />No flesh and bone to hold me<br />I'll finally set my soul free<br />When I go sailing round the room<br /><br />I will be in the smoke from Mauna Loa<br />Morning mist from the Shenandoah<br />I will be a grain of sand in the Kalahari<br />Magnolia by the Mississippi<br /><br />I will be birdsong when day is breaking<br />Words of love when your heart is aching<br />I will be a blue bonnet by the highway<br />I'll be everywhere and always<br /><br />When I go sailing round the room<br />Through my window, across the silver moon<br />No flesh and bone to hold me<br />I'll finally set my soul free<br /><br />When I go sailing round the room<br />Through my window, across the silver moon<br />No flesh and bone to hold me<br />I'll finally set my soul free<br />When I go sailing round the roomKellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-31308964957040803372010-10-04T12:07:00.000-07:002010-10-04T12:52:34.714-07:00Waiting for My Sunrise<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieIx8uKNpWmkp-2oO4hVSfObmMH5sFWIgAVI8PTW7VBxFDru1G7xn2p4IO8Ezn7Ft5gcNJitoUiYe-4PSQ3OFYbQOmzrnl8mHpo7N62jCgRZ_aVinvHXxg7G8LQ_Jrt33HD0TJZQ/s1600/quiet+Nev.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieIx8uKNpWmkp-2oO4hVSfObmMH5sFWIgAVI8PTW7VBxFDru1G7xn2p4IO8Ezn7Ft5gcNJitoUiYe-4PSQ3OFYbQOmzrnl8mHpo7N62jCgRZ_aVinvHXxg7G8LQ_Jrt33HD0TJZQ/s400/quiet+Nev.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524270933442073778" /></a><br /><br />A year ago, Nevada died. I will never forget that morning. I'd slept poorly the night before and was up super early, anxiously waiting to hear her condition. Knowing in my head that things were looking pretty bad, but my heart was in no way ready to accept the unthinkable. That she'd actually die.<br /><br />But in a cruel twist of fate, she'd essentially died, while having a surgery that was to save her life, and truly her only treatment option worth the risk. My highly intelligent friend, was a glimmer of her former self with her MoyaMoya. <br /><br />Although her brain was under constant duress, she was Nevada till the end. Shaving her head into a mohawk before surgery, joking how funny it would be to die in a plane crash on her way to Califorina. We laughed about the absurdity of that situation, and I hugged her goodbye never knowing it would be our last conversation.<br /><br />In the weeks after her death, I numbly wandered through the shell of my life. The hole she left felt like a crater. I saw her nearly daily. We talked every day on our long walks and after the walks, I'd make her dinner and we'd have a few beers. How could somebody so present in life be suddenly gone?<br /><br />I struggled for months. Wasn't sleeping, I drank to much, and some days when I came to work, I'd look down, surprised at my outfit because I didn't remember getting dressed.<br /><br />When New Year's Eve rolled around, I was having a truly dark night and although I felt sucicidal, I made one resolution. "Do not kill self."<br /><br />Beyond that, happiness was reserved for other people. It was a foreign concept. How was I supposed to laugh again? When one of the greatest people I'd ever met in my life was gone forever?<br /><br />The one thing Nevada and I talked about a lot, was my lonliness. My lack of a boyfriend. She took on my love life with two hands and a bull whip. She'd made it her personal mission to find me a man of my own. She'd been in a relationship for a few years, and wanted nothing more than for me to find that too.<br /><br />I admire many things about Nevada. Her loyalty, her deep love for her boyfriend, for her friends and for her family. The way she embraced life with two hands, and was able to live in the present moment as it came and didn't waste a lot of time, dwelling on the past.<br /><br />Another passion that we shared in our friendship was our love of writing. And although I used to really love it, that part of me, has been shut down for a long time. After she died, I couldn't read (which I love) or write, or do much more than breathe.<br /><br />Nevada was much more dilligent in her efforts and I always found that inspiring, but I was full of excuses as to why I hadn't started writing my own novel, while she was in the middle of her second.<br /><br />As the next chapter of my life begins, I know Nevada and I aren't over. She'd written to me in her first book:<br /><br />"Kelly, Each New Sunrise is a chance to finish your book." (her book, was Waiting for the Sunrise.")<br /><br />Nevada may not be here, but she is everywhere. And I can't think of a better way to honor her, than by making myself happy by finally writing my memoir.<br /><br />I wish her story had a different ending. But somebody needs to write OUR story, and I'm finally ready. And maybe in the meantime, I'll wake to watch the sunrise.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-48177290384686853312010-09-22T10:21:00.001-07:002010-09-22T10:27:49.817-07:00Write OnI'm lucky in that I get to sit at a desk and write. The bad part of that is because that's the nature of my job, I rarely have the energy of feel like writing outside of my job. But I need to. Writing has always helped me express emotions and deal with my pain.<br /><br />And unfortunately, this past year has given me a whole lot to work with. Problem is, that my writing is so rusty. It's about as out of shape as me right now. But, I have to put hand to key board. I've kept journals as long as I can remember.<br /><br />Writing is my escape and my salvation. I have taken small steps in writing in this blog.<br /><br />Onto some actual longer writing.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-49029430252495885252010-09-17T11:27:00.000-07:002010-09-17T11:35:41.287-07:00The Blonde and WitchIn recent weeks, I've started collecting mini Madame Alexander dolls for a friend's daughter. The theme is Fairy Tales, and I ended up with an extra Cinderella. So I brought her to work to hang out with my mini version of the Wicked Witch of the West doll. <br /><br />It got me thinking of different sides of my personality. The good little doll with the pretty blond hair doing what everyone wants her to do. And the little witch who does what she wants, but maybe hurts people in the process.<br /><br />Every person needs a good balance of witch and Cinderella. Or their version of it. This past year, as turned me inside out. And some days, it felt like the bad was going to over take the good. But, it hasn't yet, and Nevada's one year is coming up.<br /><br />We'll drink, laugh and remember. I think on that day, I may be just a little bit of the witch, but I'm hoping to be filled with the good cheer of Cinderella.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-47632443618707534242010-09-13T11:09:00.000-07:002010-09-13T11:17:50.706-07:00OK MondayWoke up to stare down another day. As far as Monday's in an office go, it's not too bad. No pressing deadlines today, a lunch time walk, homemade potato leek soup for lunch, and now I'm back at my desk. Typing.<br /><br />Tonight it's time to go visit a good friend that had a baby. It's hard to feel sad while holding an infant. So, looking forward to that. I'd hoped to make them home made dinner, but there just isn't enough time. They'll enjoy some Boston Market instead.<br /><br />Busy week ahead:<br />Tuesday: Lotus Night.<br /><br />Wednesday: Therapy. Then shopping for Connie's birthday gift. I've known her since she was six, but when I asked for some gift ideas, she said no beer or coffee. UGH. Who doesn't want beer? :)<br /><br />Thursday: Possible walk with a friend after work.<br /><br />Friday: Is going to be brownie baking for a BBQ on Saturday and more gift shopping, if I haven't found anything yet.<br /><br />Saturday: Walk and lunch with a friend. Then a BBQ with more friends. Whee.<br /><br />Sunday: Birthday lunch and walk with Connie.<br /><br />Let's hope I don't end up at the gas station buying her one of those hanging pine tree car air fresheners.<br />Yes, staying busy helps me. <br /><br />In between these days and outings, I'll sleep, do some dishes, sort more clutter at home, mail a few letters, pay some bills, do some work at work, watch Mad Men, and as a friend put it best the other day: Just Be.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9705892.post-72316070119595792932010-09-12T18:33:00.000-07:002010-09-12T18:44:03.680-07:00For Carol :)It's been a while, I know. I've just been off grieving. And some days that means just going to work, coming home and vegging in front of the t.v. I haven't felt like I've had anything note worthy to say either. But, my writing isn't going to improve if I continue to ignore it, like I do the laundry.<br /><br />So... let's see. Got paid for a freelance job and responsibly paid off my credit card with my newly earned money. But today, I managed to rack up a couple of dollars. Not to worry, I can pay that off this week on payday. But the thing is, I was at T.J. Maxx and they had a lot of cute clothes. <br /><br />And since I feel very fat and unattractive, I went to the gym this morning and then went and bought some new things. I'm not new to the ebb and flow of clothes shopping. But usually, I just suffer through my fat stage looking as ugly as I feel, and that really doesn't help.<br /><br />So, instead I bought some super flattering work out pants, and a few new shirts. Including my outfit I'll wear to honor Nevada's one year anniversary. And then I met a friend for a pedicure.<br /><br />Why? Well, because my toes were seriously ugly looking. Now, I'm sure I'm as fat as I was this morning, but I feel more motivated. I need a few more new shirts, but I'll get those soon.<br /><br />Weight is definitely a physical thing, but it is also a mental issue. And mentally, I feel cuter. AND ready to take on the gym in my hot new work out clothes.<br /><br />That's important. I came home and cleaned my house. A house where clutter where always live, but I'm slowly sorting through it. And then I made home made soup. Why? Because I need to take care of myself and treat myself with some kindness. And bit by bit, I'm coming back to myself.<br /><br />I don't know when the hard grief will change to a less crippling pain,but while I wait it out, I'm going to be at the gym. Or getting a pedicure. Or at the library. And sometimes at the bar.<br /><br />Turns out, you can cry anywhere.Kellyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05994341539552086268noreply@blogger.com0