Thursday, March 09, 2006

Marriage is Not a Competitive Sport

The singles among my friend group are dwindling.

That isn't that surprising when you consider that me and most of my friends are in our early 30's.

But there is a plus side to still being single. You're in your 30's. That shoudn't mean you're just waiting to turn into the old spinster of the neighborhood. Hopefully, it means that you're figuring out your own life.

Trying to navigate your career, your finances, becoming at peace with your physical apperance. Knowing who you are, so that when you meet somebody you can offer your whole self. And not be waiting for him to fill in some gap. You should have learned to enjoy your own company. Like yourself as a person. And to single women everywhere, can we please stop looking at men, like they are the holy grail? And stop buying into the idea that a wedding ring suddenly means you aren't defective anymore?

C'mon. It is a toxic way to think, that as soon as we get married, we will feel complete. I don't know about you, but I've never met anybody that had me at hello.

I think the key is to be complete alone, and then when we meet someone the person will enrich or enhance our own lives, and we can do the same for them. Married people aren't given keys to the secret garden where they sit around all day, drinking wine and waxing poetic about the state of their union.

They are just like us singles, but instead of one pile of dishes or laundry, there is two. If you're happy hopefully your spouse is too.

It has taken me a while to get to this point. I spent many years feeling like there was something wrong with me, or I wouldn't still be alone. I don't buy it anymore.

And why not? Well because I'm sure that my self worth is not supposed to be dependent on someone else.

Don't get me wrong. I've had those moments where I've felt so lonley it was palable, but so has every one. Married or not.

I will try and remember my own words of wisdom, the next time I'm called upon to stand around with other singles and catch the bouquet. That public humiliation stains a lot longer than red wine on the carpet.

And if you've forgotten, just remember that a glass of wine is a great chaser to bitterness.

1 comment:

Barrie said...

interesting that you say everyone wants this completion of a man. i only have one friend that feels this way. all my other friends would of course like to meet someone, but it's not going to determine their happiness. i like that i have friends like this. it makes me feel normal for not wanting to get hitched in my 20's.