Thursday, January 27, 2005

Bathroom Behavior

Hello there.

I'm not going get into some big graphic disscussion about what goes on bathrooms. I'll leave that to experts other than myself. But I would like to comment on public bathrooms.

Here's the thing: When you're in the bathroom and somebody knocks on the door, you don't have to answer because you're on the toilet. Obviously, that's why you have the door locked. Otherwise the door wouldn't be locked, and you rude person on the other side of the door could come in freely.

I used to fall for this trick, and I'd yell to the person someone is in here. Well, no shit. That's why you can't come in you impatient bastard.

So my advice is "Don't Answer the Knock." In case they're impatient and stupid, they'll figure out somebody was in there as soon as I come out.

Wait your turn. And resist the knocking. Sometimes it's not opportunity. It's just stupid.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

It ain't Easy being Green

I'm not actually green. I'd like to get that out of the way right now.

But I did wear green today. Because my eyes are hazel which means they're brownish green for those of you who think Hazel is just the name of Julia Roberts kid or something. Anyway, feeling snappy till I got to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. My right eye is mad at me. That's the only explanation I've got for why it's all red in the corner. Contacts could be a factor, who the hell knows?

All I know is that my right eye is mad at me. It's been giving me the red eye treatment for a week or so. Even when I make them look through my nerdy glasses, it didn't seem to help. Oh well. I guess until it falls out of head or swells shut, I'm not gonna worry about it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

What a Feeling

At first there was nothing.....

Does anyone else hear the theme to Flashdance in their head when they think of going to the gym? I do, but probably because my friend Barrie made me some gym cd's, and that's one of my songs.

Problem is this: I have the gym membership, I've got the shoes. I just can't wake up. I was doing well before the holidays. I've been trying to get there 5 days a week. This week so far, I'm 0 of 3. So tommorow, I'll make it. I feel better when I go, and obviously realize that I'll get in shape much faster if I put down the cookies and hop on the treadmill.

I want to be in shape for the spring. I don't like being heavy, but right now all the clothing is kind of bulky anyway, but come spring it's all out there. And I want to be ready. I know I can do it. Last time I lost 30 pounds.

Getting up is half the battle. Since I've put it out in the cyber universe I'll make it hold water. Especially since I was driving around with my tennis shoes in my car today, and they are mocking me.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Why Cell Phones Suck

My friend Amy called me on her cell phone, but she couldn't hear me, so I ended up yelling in her ear and then she got mad at me and hung up. I didn't know she hung up, and I had apologized but she missed the whole thing. That's the thing about cell phones. They cut you off at the worst times. Don't ever try and have a heart-felt conversation because as soon as you reach the climax of what you were calling for........I find myself really having fee....... that's the moment the folks at Nextel will decide that you didn't mean to tell that childhood friend that you've fallen in love with them. They are either sadistic bastards who want you to build up the courage that has taken you 20 years to get and call him back, or they are angels in disguise who are saving you from the utter humiliation of making such a grand declaration.

I'm thinking they've got a twisted sense of humor. Because the phone never cuts you off in the middle of a conversation with your mother when she is warning you about the dangers of visiting an ATM late at night, or asking if you've started your new diet yet, or if you're sure that you should go on that interview.

I think all the parents in the world are in cahoots with Nextel and all the cell phone companies and if they really want to make a dent, they need to team up with the people from Sallie Mae. There's a hidden goldmine in there....All they have to do is......Oops there goes the cell phone again.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

What can I say

I feel like a phony even posting anything on here today. I don't have an amusing ancedote to share, but I'm just typing to pass the time, so that I don't fall asleep at my desk. I seem to to have contracted some type of wierd stomach virus and I've been feeling sick for a few days. And the thing about being sick is that you're doing nothing. Can do nothing except lay still and wish you were dead. I couldn't stay home today, or I certainly would've tried. I did stay home yesterday. It's not like I work at a sweatshop. But even Oprah was too much stimulation for my tired brain. I did finish this stupid book about a talking cat. It's as dumb as it sounds.

I have a project due tommorow. It sometimes makes me wish that I had a job that didn't require the use of my brain. But what can you do? I'm certain I'll be better tommorow, after my steady diet of saltines, flat vernors, and gatorade. I feel like Karen Carpenter could've had her own diet plan. At least it's helping me shed some of the holiday food weight. It seems more effective than even the South Beach diet.

That's the one good thing. Loss of appetite. And my feet are unaturually hot. Enough whining.