Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Textual Healing Part 2

Sometimes you have text messages you'd like to keep, but you can't keep them stored in the phone hogging up space, so I post them here to enjoy later.

"Oh shit. Does that work like periods where we get on the same cycle if we hang out too much?"

"This is your brother in case you were wondering. Hi Kou, it's me B."

"Sounds great. Have a good day tomorrow or try your damn est too. Love you."

"Be strong Kelly! The value of your good friendship to your best friend has never been richer than today. You are a good person. The finest."

Thank you for the FB shout out. I love you."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks Kook. Thinking of you too. Love you.

"I'm sorry belle. It sucks and there's no way around it. The only silver lining in this is that she is always with you in spirit. So even when old Evan boy says something stupid, Nevada's right there."

"People hate it when you tell the truth like that. :)

"I wish I could make it all go away."

"Seriously, fuck Russell."

" Fatty got a box of food. Lol."

"Amazing restraint. Nevada's totally going to turn us into alcoholics."

"You were always her writer friend then became Kelly Quinlan. :) I felt better knowing you were taking care of her with Trevor when I was being a wimp."

"Awesome. Think how far you've come. Use Nevada as inspiration. You can do it."

"Texts that start with speaking of suicide are always the best. :)

"Cool!! Ur are not bailing. You are going. A good way to end a fucking shitty year with your moderately attractive cousin, and her hot husband." LOL.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

For Nevada

Sailing Round the Room
By Emmlou Harris

One last gaze upon the sun
Bid farewell to everyone
Kicked that bucket out the door
Where I'm goin I won't need it anymore

Gonna lay my burden down
Take a birdseye look around
From the tall pines of Carolina
All the way to the Wall of China

So I go sailing round the room
Through my window, cross the silver moon
No flesh and bone to hold me
I'll finally set my soul free
When I go sailing round the room

Life may be just but a dream
Rode my boat on down the stream
To wake up on a different shore
Wind up as something I aint never been before

I could be a drop of summer rain
Fallin down on an Oklahoma plain
Gonna leave the world behind me
Look around and you will find me

So I go sailing round the room
Through my window, cross the silver moon
No flesh and bone to hold me
I'll finally set my soul free
When I go sailing round the room

[I.....will be.....]
In the smoke from Mauna Loa
Morning mist on the Shenandoah

[I.....will be.....]
Grain of sand in the Kalahari
Magnolia by the Mississippi

[I.....will be.....]
Bird song when the day is breaking
Words of love when your heart is aching

Blue bonnet by the highway
I'll be everywhere and always

When I go sailing round the room
Through my window, cross the silver moon
No flesh and bone to hold me
I'll finally set my soul free

When I go sailing round the room
Through my window, cross the silver moon
No flesh and bone to hold me
I'll finally set my soul free
When I go sailing round the room

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Weekend in HELL

Saturday morning, me, Trevor and Kim set out for Hell, MI with Nevada's ashes in tow. We had a full day planned.
Nevada always said she wanted to go to hell in a handbasket and had even purchased some in anticaption for one day doing just that. When we arrived in Hell, we looked around and took some pictures.

For Hell, it was surprisingly cool. It was then time to send Nevada on her journey. We took photos while Trevor dumped her ashes in a handbasket and set her free down to the river in Hell.

Right before we set her off, Trevor said, "It seems like we should say something." The writer in me wanted to say something profound and meaningful that would capture the poignant moment. After all, we were sending one of my best friends on a trip she was taking way to early.

"This fucking sucks." Is the phrase that popped into my mind, and came out of my mouth.

The three of us laughed and off she went. Her basket toppled sideways and twirled in the current, but it didn't sink.

At one point she got stuck in one spot and I had to poke her basket with a stick.

After our send off for Nevada it was on to another sort of hell. We had to go to Nevada's house in Detroit, to finish clearing it out.

Trevor suggested we take anything we'd like, and anything that was left was to be donated.

I ended up in her closet, pulling out clothes that I'd been with her as she purchased.

When I got downstairs, I came across her winter coat she wore all the time. It is very iconic, very Nevada. It's a light orange wool with black buttons and I feel lucky it fell in my hands.

It's kind of fitting that of all things that's what I ended up with. You see, the last time I'd been with Nevada we'd gone shopping. And she'd picked out a coat and I tried to get her to buy it. She said no, she'd better wait.

At the same time, I told her I needed another winter coat. She laughed saying, Kelly you don't NEED a new coat. ( I have at least 4). I conceded then that, I'd like another one.

I really wanted her to have that coat she'd picked out and had gone back to the store and found the last one in her size to give it to her as welcome home from California gift.

Sadly, she died before I could give it to her. So, I mailed it to her sister. Thinking she'd appreciate having the last thing Nevada picked out for herself.

It's only fitting then, that Nevada's last gift to me was her favorite coat.

Guess I did need just one more, after all.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Treadmills Make Me Cry

Yesterday was a bad day in the land of grief. Maybe it was because it was the 2 month anniversary of the last time I saw Nevada and wished her a good trip and hugged her goodbye.

I don't know. I can't say any day since she's died has been a trip to bountiful, but some days are easier than others. Yesterday just wasn't one of those days. I cried on my way to work.

Then held it in all day and even managed to celebrate with my good friend here at work for her birthday and faked my way through a client meeting, where I answered questions and appeared knowledgeable.

After work, free again in my own car, it was cry fest again. Not heaving sobs, as that's no good for driving, but just the normal about of tears.

Last night I found myself at the grocery store. Buying beer on sale and price checking the Irish cream (must run in the family LQ), but I opted to wait on that. I've already been through a jug of that, post Nevada and well, it's pretty fattening I suspect.

But damn it's tasty... Came home and it was more sadness. At this point I gave up trying to trick my brain into watching a stupid sitcom or distracting myself. I was beyond that point.

As I mentioned on Nevada's facebook page yesterday:

The highlight of my day was that my poison ring arrived early so I can put her ashes in it, and part of her will always be with me.

That was also my lowest point. A ring to carry one of my best friend's ashes in.

Her ashes? FUCK.

This morning, in true Irish stubbornness, I decide I'll start back to the gym.

Turns out, I can cry pretty good while on the treadmill. And this morning it was a whole parade of dead people. Derek, Rachel's husband, My Godfather and Uncle Joe, and Nevada that was on my mind.

But hey, at least I started back to the gym and apparently I can multi-task.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Not My Type

Is it just me or does anyone else hate John Mayer with a passion?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Finish the thought -Repost

I found this note on Facebook... Was posted originally sometime last year. I need to move it on #20. And the other update would be, the last time I cried: Last night. Nevada related.

Finish the sentences. Some may be uncomfortable, but you'll manage. Repost it as "Finish the sentences" when you're done! Don't forget to tag me back!

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss.... was awful and not my decision.

3. I talk... super fast.

4. I love... writing, my family, chocolate, and Paul Newman

5. My best friend/s... are always there for me.

6. My first real kiss... Was outside near a pine tree in the summer time.

7. Love is... not defined solely by people in relationships.

8. Marriage is... something I ponder in an abstract way.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... Why did I say that?

10. I'll always... have new interests.

11. The last time I really cried was because... I missed my uncle.

13. When I wake up in the morning... I lie to myself that I can take a nap later if I get up now.

14. Before I go to bed... I read every night. Either a book or a magazine.

15. Right now I am thinking about... My vacation starting in 2 hours.

16. Babies are... living, breathing optimism.

17. I get on Myspace... rarely any more.

18. Today I... am having a slumber party. Whee!

19. Tomorrow I will be... on route to Nashville.

20. I really want to be... a published author.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Motivational Poster

Nevada's inspiritional poster to remind me I'm worthy of good dates.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Packing UP BQ

My dad has resided in Keego Harbor for as long as I can remember. He needs a change and has decided to move north to closer to all of his brothers and sisters. This is an excellent plan, and will make visiting him much more pleasant when I don't have to contend with the drunk roommate, I refer to as the "boozy floozy."

Shane being the good older brother is doing the physical move, which left me to pack up my dad and his random household of crap. I started on Saturday and it took me all day just to clean out his bedroom and his closets, as we debated the merit of keeping each pair of dress pants.

5 bags later, we had a clothing donation pile that will outfit plenty of men for the winter, and my dad still has plenty of clothes, although all he wears lately is sleep pants.

I've honestly gotten better, but organization just isn't my strong suit, and I realized in the middle of it all, on Saturday as I was about to have a melt down, that I needed help. (My mom blames my premature birth for the fact that I can't do this sort of task).

Cousin Shannon immediately came to mind. She's great at this and she loves us both.
I texted her and she called the next day to say she'd be happy to help us.

I was so relieved, I almost cried. Last night we went over to pack up the rest of the condo.

My dad had a good time blaring gospel Elvis at level 7 on the stereo and then tried talking over it.

Shannon was fantastic. I think I did some stuff, but I have no illusions that she did the bulk of it. But we had a good visit while we worked, and I felt very lucky to have her in my life.

You know how a family member can laugh at you, but you know how much they love you?
We did a lot of that.

My loot for the evening: Several newish heavy duty pots and pans, a Quinlan Tree Service Shirt (in a style I didn't have), a cassette tape of Simon and Garfunkel, Live in Central Park, and a mouse from Apple for my laptop.

Shannon came away with a golf shirt for Ed my dad insisted she take, her own Quinlan Tree Service shirt, a french press, and the movie Cool Hand Luke.

Thanks Shannon for making an awful job fun and fairly stress free.

Love you

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Textual Healing

For anyone that reads my blog, you're aware that my friend Nevada died. A month ago yesterday in fact. And that sucks. I've been filling up my phone with text messages of good will, humor and etc. So, I had to delete some and decided to share a few here.

October 17th- Day of Nevada's Memorial:

From Shane, my brother:
"Kelly you're a great friend, a special sister and a wonderful person."

From Jan, my friend who is a Brit and a friend of Nevada's as well:
"I am always here with an ear, a beer, or a hug. Don't hesitate anytime.

My Cousin Casey:
"I know it does, I'm sorry Kook. I wish I could do more for you. I love you, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know.

My cousin Lacy:
"Ok, I love you."

"Praying for you, Kel."

My cousin Shannon
"My heart is breaking for you, Kel."

Nevada's boyfriend Trevor, carrying on Nevada's quest to get me a date:
"Your goal should still be to drink yourself into a stupor--but to wake up on some random guy's couch instead of at home. Baby steps. :)

More from Trevor:
"I try to think of all the ways she changed my life for the better. Lately that's been more of comfort than sorrow."

"Breathe, believe and revive"

My dad
"Love you more."

"My pleasure. Wish I could do more!"

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I don't want to live and die in Detroit.
I don't want to only write about cars.
I don't want to be lonely anymore.
I don't want to ever forget how amazing Nevada was.
I don't ever want to forget the lessons she taught me, even if it takes years for them all to sink in.
I don't want to be a writer who never writes or publishes her book.
I don't want my dad to drink himself to death.
I don't want to push my friends and family away.
I don't want them to get upset when I do.
I don't want to sleep alone every night.
I don't want to undo all my healthy habits.
I don't want to gain a bunch of weight.
I don't want to dread the gym.
I don't want to stop beleiving in god.
I don't want to be a perky sales clerk at Hallmark.
I don't want my current clothing size to make me feel less worthy.
I don't want to lose myself in my grief.
I don't want to rush through the grief process.
I don't want to go on any more bad dates.
I don't want to put skim milk in my coffee.
I don't want to gossip about people.
I don't want to be perfect.
I don't want to cry all the time.
I don't want to give up on hope.
I don't want to beleive things will turn around and be severely dissappointed.
I don't want to go to another meeting.
I don't want to fall during yoga.
I don't want to give you my heart, if you aren't going to keep it safe.
I don't want to wear a sweater dress.
I don't want to be judged for eating milk duds and bacon for breakfast.
I don't want to envy others.
I don't want to watch reality shows.
I don't want to feel guilty for calling in for a mental health day.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to run a marathon.
I don't want to wear make up to work sometimes.
I don't want to eat food that comes "fresh" from a gas station.
I don't want to have credit card debt.
I don't want to ever stop eating chocolate.
I don't want to dress up for Halloween.
I don't want to depend on anyone.
I don't want to fake anything.
I don't want to engage in small talk.
I don't want to feel so utterly alone.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

My Goodbye to A Wonderful Woman

Nevada Memorial Speech

I met Nevada when I came to work at Wunderman, an ad agency in Dearborn. I was the newest digital copywriter. Nevada was the only other female writer, so I was excited to meet her.

I noticed she had the same magnet on her cube wall that I had at home and decided to tell her, figuring it was a good ice breaker.

Nevada looked over at me, and snarled a snarky comment. I remember thinking,

“That girl dosen’t like small talk. Don’t speak to her, until you have something to say.”

I don’t really remember when it all changed. All I know is once we started talking we never shut up. We’re both Gemini’s and very chatty.

We spent our lunch breaks shopping for fencing material, fabric or at TJ Maxx, trying on all the crazy hats.

She knew how to dress herself and her friends. Whenever we shopped together, she’d pick out stuff for me and I’d tell her that’s not going to fit or that’s not going to look good. She’d insist I try it on anyway and it was always perfect.

This past March we went to Chicago to visit our friend Rina, and the two of them shoved me in a dressing room and kept insisting that I try on different dresses. Even though I’m older than both of them, they treated me like their little sister and liked telling me what to do:

“You will go out and drink all night. You will take a nap. You will talk to men at the bar. And worst of all, you will go out dancing.”

But they did it with such love, I couldn’t get upset with them for looking after me and that’s what Nevada always did.

Nevada liked to talk a lot, although not on the phone as any of her friends will tell you.
I wore her down after a while though.

She would talk to me on the phone whenever I needed her. One night in particular, I was having an anxiety attack late at night and I called Nevada. She talked to me for over an hour, until I was totally calm and could fall asleep peacefully.

Besides, she knew better than to allow me to text her while driving, so she allowed me to call her often.

Nevada was a pied piper for us all. Just look around. At least 5 of her friends started getting our haircut at Red in Birmingham by Sara after Nevada’s hair looked so great.

Thanks, Sara. (shameless plug. Red is located on Old Woodward).

Nevada’s infectious joy at being in love was evident, no matter how much she pretended otherwise. I remember the first time she got flowers at work, from Trevor. Orchids.

The look on her face, and her smile was one of somebody completely smitten, and when I said,

“Looks like he’s going to be around a while,”

Nevada played coy saying, “I’m not sure yet.”

I said, “You can pretend all you want, but it’s pretty clear this guy has gotten to you.”

Only with time, would we all understand how true that was.

And because she was in love and I’m single she wanted me to meet somebody and
she took it upon herself to be my online dating pimp.

Nevada set up a profile for me on Craig’s list and screened all the respondents and only forwarded ones that she deemed worthy. She told me, “ I knew you’d give up with the first penis picture.”

She was right. J I didn’t do any better in person. This summer, I’d come home from a weekend up north with my friend Connie, explaining we’d gone out to the bar. I’d refused a drink from a cute guy across the bar, because I didn’t think he’d bought it for me.

Nevada didn’t hesitate to tell me, “ You’re just a total moron, when it comes to men and dating.” And yet, that’s how she showed she cared. She had a way of insulting you but making you feel very loved at the same time. She made me see myself in unexpected ways.

I had the most fun with her than I did with anybody else. We’d laugh so hard at the stupidest things. Her and Trevor used to host the best parties. One of my favorites, was at her house in Detroit, she’d named it, “A Wino and Cheese Party.” All guests were asked to bring cheap wine and any orange cheese product, like Cheetos or Cheese Whiz. A big group of us sat in her backyard drank and ate processed cheese, until the wee hours.

Another thing we did all the time was walk. Now, I suppose they started out, as an exercise in fitness, but what they ended up as were our walking therapy sessions. Nevada charted out new projects, or gifts for friends, and we talked about nothing. That was everything.

Often, we walked to either Bastone or Black Lotus and ended up with beer or pizza. I don’t think we ever lost much weight, but we sure had a good time.

I could tell her anything. My heart was always safe in her company and vice versa.
Nevada was never judgmental, but was gifted at asking pointed questions, so you’d draw your own conclusions.

The last time I saw Nevada, she was about to leave for California, and I’d told her I’d take her shopping to get out of the house.
She told me that was cool, because they’d be celebrating Trevor’s birthday out there and she needed to get his gift.

After I’d brought her back to Trevor’s, we found him on the porch, having a drink and smoking a cigar. Nevada sat down on the porch and typed out specific instructions for me on how to care for her plants, while she was gone.

As I got up to go home, I said something about flying safe and being careful.

In her typical Nevada way, she said, “ Wouldn’t that be ironic if I died in a plane crash on my way to get brain surgery?”

I laughed, and said, “I don’t really want you and Trevor to check out like, Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper, so if you could just come back that’d be great.”

She laughed.

And then I hugged her goodbye.

I had no idea it would be the last time.



We used to joke about living in the nursing home together.

You teased, I’d be saying hi to everyone and you’d be grumpy to all that walked by.

I’m going to keep saying hi.

Because I know somewhere you’re answering hello.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Not a good sign. Insomnia = 2 a.m. blog entry.

Ah well, let's go with it. While I wait to get sleepy. Or re sleepy. Wait, is that a word? Doesn't matter. I have an audience of 2 and they will forgive me. :)

Went out tonight with Nevada's friend Barb who flew here from Oklahoma for the Michigan Memorial, after previously flying to the Oklahoma service. She kicks the dirt off her boots in Texas, normally.

Anyway, What a great friend to Nevada. And knowing that but nothing else made me like her right away. Then we all got to talk and laugh and I liked her even more. Kim and Tom joined us and it was awesome. It has struck me this week, how quickly I've bonded to Nevada's friends, considering we're all strangers.

One could argue we are all grieving and share a bond. I won't argue with that logic, but I think it's bigger than that. Nevada was very picky about whom she'd consider a friend. Maybe that's why she was so famously grumpy to many. It kept away people she didn't have to time for and the rest of us, were lucky.

There hasn't been a single fight, or any drama of any kind. That's not an easy thing when you put together 9 or 10 women in the same room that really don't know one another. But Nevada knew how to pick us.

We've all been on the same page. When a bunch of us met over the weekend at Trevor's house to clean it and get it ready for his arrival home, we discussed the memorial and other things to be done. We were tripping over ourselves to do the shopping or whatever. One person got a new shower curtain, somebody else coordinated airport runs, somebody else picked up a Guest Book, and we decided as a group who could make what dish to stock Trevor's fridge upon his return.

When other friends who aren't in the immediate area yet, heard about our plans, offers of money to help buy supplies poured in. We collected it as a group and in the end we decided to donate it to the MoyaMoya foundation. Perhaps we all felt the least we could do for Trevor was buy him some comfort food, while he finds his way without his dear Nevada.

I've been humbled all week by the absolute generosity of strangers, who don't feel like strangers but rather people who've been there all along. I have a passing knowledge of most because Nev and I talked about our lives and the people in it, all day, every day. Whether it was during one of our walks, over text, IM or email.

And it was never gossipy chat. Because Nevada never did that. She didn't need to. She let you know to your face what she thought so you never had to wonder what was said later.

I feel good because after I came back from dinner, I worked on her speech for the memorial. I'll do some editing in the morning, but I think I conveyed what I wanted to say. I read it aloud a few times and choked up in all the same spots, so at least on Saturday, I'll know when it's time to get my Kleenex.

I'll post it here after the Memorial for my two fellow blog readers. (Thanks 4th Street and Lacy).

These bonds are forming fast. Nevada would have liked that. She wasn't one for small talk and somehow when you're all gathering because of death, it's kind of silly to start conversations with, "Boy it's cold."

Our collective grief is comforting and heart breaking, as we come together to honor the life of a girl so brave and protective of others, that even in her death she gave all she had to others in her desire to be an organ donor.

Who ever has her heart, has all of ours too.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Thoughts from Nevada and Winnie the Pooh

Even when Nevada suffered many strokes and her passion, writing became difficult, she was still keeping a journal, which is a testament to her strength, passion, and love.

From Nevada's notebook 9-6-09

Friends. Make me feel sane and loved. Even on days I feel insane, unloveable, and downright unsmart. Bu I have to trust that because these quality people love me and care what happens to me that maybe I did turn out after all and that is a good thing. Sometimes life seems hard, but I can make it through with family and friends. Sometimes I seem frustrated or distant, but deep down I love them and care. Hopefully I do. Talbot and Michelle coming to Detroit this weekend meant a lot to me. And that gesture extends beyond them. It was an exclamation point on the travel, care and takers of friendship and love extended to everyone.
I am grateful.
I hope my gratefullness shows.
I hope they all take hugs and friendship as repayment... which i know they will.
I am glad I picked these friends.
I will try to write more tomorrow- its just too hard right now.

Night before the 1st Moyamoya surgery. This week has been full of tests since we arrived last Tuesday. Met Dr. Steinburg yesterday, he seems nice and knowledgeable. I'm in good hands. Remind me of that at 5 a.m when I'm in a full-fledged panic. Marna gave me a notebook from Aunt Tammie & Uncle Ron w/ notes from people at the Hitchcock church. Made me cry. Never have I felt so loved. By my family, friends, & people I don't know. Surgery is at 7:30 am tomorrow. Due at the hospital at 4:45 am. Time to sleep.

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart,... I'll always be with you." - Winnie the Pooh

I'll Fly Away

Lyrics by Allisun Kraus

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Monday, October 05, 2009


My day started at 5 a.m.
I couldn't sleep. Had a good cry for a while and then a nap.
Pulled out my copy of Nevada's book yesterday and read the inscription she'd written for me.

Book is called, "Waiting for the Sunrise."

Nevada had written, "Kelly, each new sunrise is a chance to finish your book."

I know I'm going to have to put all my grief somewhere useful, and I'll start here and transition into something at a later date. I'm remembering all over again, how writing soothes me and it's a passion Nevada and I share.

At home today, I continued to search for tangible things that I can hold onto and she is all over my house. We hung out many a night drinking a few beers after our walks and I cooked her plenty of dinners, when we decided we were too broke to go out.

Looking at my bookshelves, I recognized a writing book she'd given me a couple birthdays ago. I opened it just now to a page that simply reads, "Safe."

Which means several things to me. One, I know it means she is safe, wherever she is wandering right now... probably stirring up trouble or telling a story to a captive audience.

Safe in the very literal sense of the word. Last year my dear godfather and uncle Joe passed away, and as a result I struggled immensely with anxiety. And it's not something you can easily share with others. If you think you're cracking up, you want to hide it. One night though, I found myself alone in my house and so very scared and I didn't know what to do, so I called Nevada.

The girl who didn't like to talk on the phone talked to me for a over an hour, defecting all my arguments.
Me:" But I lost my spare key outside."

Her: Is anything missing?

Me: No.

Her: So you just think somebody comes in when you're at work, watches tv and then quietly leaves before you get home?"

Me: Laughing. Well, when you put it like that... no.

She soothed me so by the time I hung up I was snuggled up on the sofa fast asleep.

But safe is the way I always felt with her. She was so strong and protective of me. Even though I'm older than her, she was always watching out for me. Whether it was making sure I'd drank enough water after we'd gone out, or she'd just gone head to head with a giant dude who tried to grab my butt while we were out dancing.

I'm not kidding. He was way bigger than her and she pushed him away from me, before I even knew he was there and told him to leave me alone. He wasn't backing down and neither was she.

He finally moved on and then she marched over to the group of guys he was with to tell them, "Your friend is an asshole." They all apologized. Later we found out, they didn't know the guy either.

But Nevada had a way of making even grown men tremble. And I certainly felt emotionally safe to share anything. And I do mean anything. I'm realizing just how many things she knew about me that even friends I've known for 20 years didn't know.

Because my heart was safe from scorn with her. And I was safe being myself. She didn't want me to be anyone else.

Now, don't get me wrong. When she thought I was being stupid, she'd say, " Don't be an idiot." Or stop acting like a moron... but she never made you feel stupid. It always ended up making me laugh.

She helped me see myself in unexpected ways. I hope I did the same for her.

Nevada please know, everyone that loves you and especially Trevor will keep you safe in our hearts forever.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

The Wild Haired Oklahoma Girl

I have lost one of my very best friends and while I can hardly believe my beautiful soulful friend Nevada, isn't just a text message away anymore, I find myself searching for tangible things to hold onto.

I know over the next few months, hell even years, I'll talk of her and laugh about the things we've done and I'll share that here.
But for now, I'll simply post one of her blog entries. It sums her up pretty well.

Love to you, Nevada.

Below is her blog entry.

I vow to do the work. It's all I can do until the chance is given to begin my toils. And it is a work I will be happy in doing. I know the road is often long and hard, but any travel, no matter how difficult, is worth it if your companion is good.

So here's my promises:

I promise to...
Open my mind and let important people in.
Open my heart to the same.
Let down my walls in order to achieve true understanding.
Stand up for myself if need be.
Pursue outside interests on my own.
Encourage the pursuit of outside interests in the lives of those I love.
Collaborate and cultivate joint interests.
Step outside my comfort zone on my own.
Allow others to help me step outside of my comfort zones.
Communicate nearly obsessively to understand and be understood.
Argue, debate, discuss, but never put down or hurt intentionally.
Dance, laugh, sing, walk, travel and generally enjoy the life I have and the life I am capable of having.
Remember friends both old and new.
Meet new people.
Be silly, have fun, find my inner child and give her a huge hug.
Better myself in my career, in my finances, in my home, in my life, in my relations.
Let go of fear.
Strive for and respect individuality.
Be a little more selfish and a little less shy.
Remember to bend so I don't have to break.
Expect more and strive for more.
Try new things and never let the ruts of comfort get too deep.
Offer unending, unconditional friendship.
Believe in the future and never lose sight of the next beautiful moment because I'm focused on the end of the journey.

And most importantly, LOVE deeply, sincerely, justly, and unconditionally.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Un Inspired

I'm feeling a bit jittery. I blame the Starbucks coffee they sell in the cafe in my building. I even got the mild blend, to no avail. Such as it is. At least I got a decent night sleep last night, which is always a bonus.

Life has been less than stellar lately, but all I can say about that is at least I'm still here.

Not much news, I was hoping this blog post would help me get my brain unstuck so I can concept, but it seems all I do at work lately is go to an endless series of meetings about projects with still too vague parameters.

Alas, what can I do? Except sit and my desk and type out sentences?

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I'm delighted to report that after months dry tv viewing, (with a few exceptions like Mad Men) I watched a show last night that I think I'll really enjoy.

It's called Glee, about a bunch of misfits in high school in you guessed it, the Glee Club.

View the trailer and come back.


This was only the second episode, so I'm sure it will smooth out any rough spots, but I'm enjoying it so far. Maybe because I relate to the misfits way more than I ever related to the jocks or cheerleaders or popular kids.

Sometimes, it's just nice to have a little escape from the recession, the unemployment rate, my walking wounded friends, and just sit back and laugh. Careful, or I may even sing.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Play that Funky Music White Girl

My list is still in the works... but here is what I have so far. It's turning into a neat little writing exercise and I can see some of this material working its way into my memoir.

Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of, they musically shaped your world. They stood up, they lasted, they mattered.

They still matter, in some way (even if only in memory). W

Ok here goes. A warning. Randomness shall ensue.

1. Kindergarten Round Up: Or some such name. My brothers and I got an orange record player and this was I believe my first "official album." Lots of sing along songs about sharing and snacks, if I recall.

2. Jesse's Girl: Oh, how I wanted to be Jesse’s Girl. I loved Rick Springfield and I asked for this album for my 6th birthday. My dad delivered Rick in his white tank top, and I didn't even know that was weird.

3. The Beatles- The album with I want to hold your hand. It got a ton of airplay at my house. Down in our basement. Later when my cousin Colleen used to babysit we pretended we were the Beatles. I was Paul, she was always George. Revolution and Back in the USSR were favorites.

4. Quiet Riot- Cum on Feel the Noise- This was one of Shane's first albums, and I really liked the song when I was about 8. Again, no context to what I was listening to. I just knew it was fun to hop around on the couch and bang my head up and down- cause it was fun.

5.The Go Go's- We Got the Beat. This 45 rocked. Shane would jam it out the window when we lived on South Hill in Milford. Happy times. Happy music.

6. Judy Collins- Send in the Clowns- Not happy. My mom used to listen to this album and whenever I heard it, I knew she was really sad. Post divorce, that first year. This song still makes me cry.

7. Annie and Grease- The soundtracks to both. We owned these two tapes and we rotated them all the time. I always wanted to hear Annie but Shane and Bj liked Grease more. I loved Grease too, but Annie rocked in her own Orphan way. This was post divorce too and there was a sense of freedom and fun, whenever we piled into our rusty white Toyota Corolla.

8.Bob Seger’s Greatest Hits: I was a junior in college. And I listened to this tape over and over driving from Big Rapids back to Milford in my grandpa’s Oldsmobile Wagon. I was 20 and really didn’t want a station wagon, but then how do you turn down a free car? Three hours of Bob and I never grew tired of his “Night Moves.”

9. Alanis Morrisette- Her Jagged Little Pill was the rage all over campus. It was my first introduction into female angry lyrics and it helped me deal with my crush on the cheerleader who didn’t like me back. And yes, he was a male cheer-leader.

10. Poison’s- Talk Dirty to Me. When I was in the eighth grade, this song was so awesome. I loved it and would pretend to sing it into the vacuum in the morning before I left for junior high.

11. Madonna- Crazy for You, Like a Virgin, Borderline, Material Girl. All of them played on in the background of my junior high slumber party existence.

12. Which brings me to the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack. I loved this album. Maybe as much as the movie. I loved it so much in fact, that when a concert tour came to Pine Knob, my mom took me to see it. What a lady!

13. 1984- A Van Halen album. My first rock and roll crush, Eddie Van Halen. I was in awe of this guitar playing skills.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Father Daughter Bonding

Yesterday afternoon, I called my dad to see if he wanted to have a visit.
My cell phone battery was low, so I called from my office phone.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi Dad. How are you?
Dad: Not feeling so well today. I don't think we should waste a visit.
Me: Ok, I didn't sleep well and should probably go home anyway.
Dad: Is that a man in the background? Do I hear a man?
Me: Yes, I'm at work. I work with lots of men, dad.
Dad: Oh, I thought maybe you had a boyfriend. Wishful thinking I guess.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Costco and Other Things

I'm back to work after another delightful trip up to the Lake Leelanau area. Rachel, and her kids and I trekked up on Friday and returned Monday night.

Dog parades, complete with a celebrity sighting, a trip to the beach, the Lighthouse at the state park, a good time was had by all. (Aidan Quinn and the chef, Mario Batalli.)

I hope we get to do it again. Perhaps in the fall? We'll have to see how it goes.

The work day is happily flying by and soon I'll be free. Rachel and I taking a trip to Costco tonight to fill up her new freezer. I suspect I'll spend a lot of my time in front of the book table, itching to buy 4 but will allow 1 if I really want it. I don't need any books though. But that's not going to stop me.

In other news, my toes are in serious need of grooming in the way of a pedicure. I'm thinking maybe this weekend? Again, I'm playing it by ear.

Hoping to get a visit with my friend Nevada too. She's resting at home again too, but I'm not sure when she'll be up for company.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

An ode to Leelanau and Old Friends

This past weekend I spent time doing two things I love. Hanging out with my very best friend. So where you ask?

In Lake Leelanau on the Leelanau peninsula.

Four whole days. C. and took off from her house on Friday morning and headed north. About an hour into our drive, we decided to stop off for some shopping at Birch Run. I scored some of my very pricy face wash for mega cheap, and she talked me into buying this very cool ring, that I'm enjoying right this very second.

After that we just drove and drove. But the long ride is fun with the right company. C and I could talk for days with out stopping, of this I'm quite sure.

Once we arrived at my mom's we unloaded the car, and then had a snack out on the deck. My mom came home shortly after and the three of us headed out to dinner.

The name of the restaurant escapes me, but we had a lovely dinner outside with a view of the water and the food was delicious and tasty drinks. After dinner, we went to Music in the Park in Northport and listened to music.

We were tired from our drive after that, so we headed home and caught up on all the episodes of Entourage.

Saturday morning we awoke to some gray weather, but C and I got up and went out for coffee and hot tea. When we got back, we got ready to go to the art show in Suttons Bay.

I bought a beautiful photo of a beach in Empire and C. bought a few pictures for her house too. After our art fair we walked around and looked at all the shops in SB.

We came home then for a snack a little rest before we went out again. I was tired but C talked me into going out to the bar.

Around 10 pm, we headed out. And ended up running into my cousin M. who was just getting off work. We got drunk on this new wine/mead that tastes like cherries, but really packed a punch.

Sunday the sun was bright but the wind was fierce. But we didn't let that stop us from going to my favorite Beach at Good Harbor. Before that, we picked up sandwiches at The Cheese Shanty. Two words for you: Pretzel Bread.

Makes the best sandwich ever! We walked on the beach, read our books and soaked up sun. I managed to get a little sunburned even with sunblock. It's a gift, I swear.

We stayed at the beach most of the day and into early evening. Came home, ate dinner and headed out for another drink, just to mix up the scenery.

Monday we got up, got ready and went to breakfast. After that, with full bellies, we drove to the state park. We wanted to go on a hike on the walking trail, which was beautiful. The only problem? It had rained pretty heavily the night before, so the mosquitios were biting full force. Even with bug spray.

I've got a few bites on the back of my neck. We then stopped at a U-Pick flower place, where it's self serve and you pay by the honor system.

After that, it was sadly time to pack up and go home.

I had a great time because the trip itself was the right amount of fun and downtime, and lots of variety, but mostly because I got to spend 4 days with my very best friend, and I feel so lucky for that.

Despite the husband and now 2 year old son, she still has time for the girl she taught how to curl her hair.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Us vs. Them

My job is odd sometimes. Like right now, I'm sitting in my own cubicle trying to write about a new safety feature for a Lincoln. That's my job. To write a video script about said feature.

The problem is that right across the aisle from me are a pack of account people. And they talk insanely loud. I know us creative types get the bad rap. We dress more casually, we may come in a little later etc. But when we get here, we all retreat into our own little worlds with our own ipods so we can listen to our own soundtracks, and do what we do.


Who knew that making power point presentations could be oh so loud?

Monday, July 20, 2009

Rachel and Derek

I am beside myself with sadness, grief,and disbelief.

My good friend Rachel, her husband Derek passed away on Saturday. He was 35 years old. And as I type this, I'm still not believing it's true. It can't be.

Rachel and I went to high school together, but we became good friends after it was over. We used to spend Saturday mornings working together at this little dry cleaner in Milford.

With nothing to do but tag clothes, we talked about our lives. It wasn't too long into our Saturdays that Rachel mentioned she'd met a guy, Derek. They met classic with a twist.

At a cheesy dance bar in Waterford that we all used to frequent. But Derek was a bartender and Rachel was a coat check girl.

She told me later, he knew that night that he wanted to marry her. They dated and they really just seemed to click. I remember Rachel telling me the engagement story. They'd had dinner at home. Derek then pulled out the ring, and asked Rachel to marry him.

Typical of us females she started crying and immediately said yes. The part of the story that stuck out and still resonates, is that Derek asked,

"Aren't you going to look at the ring?"

To which Rachel replied, "I don't care about the ring."

It was classically beautiful and elegantly simple.

Our talks turned from dating to wedding plans.

At this point, Rachel and I were close but I wondered if she'd invite me to the wedding. As I'd wondered this one Saturday, it turns out Rachel was waiting to talk to me in person.

She not only wanted me to be at the wedding, she wanted me in the wedding.

I was so honored to be included in such a grand manner, and it was my first time I'd ever been asked to be a brides maid.

You've heard of Bridzella? Rachel was the complete opposite of this. She went out of her way to make everything go as smooth as possible. And it was dress shopping that I first met Derek.

For some reason, when I get nervous I tend to swear a lot and this particular day, I kept swearing. So Derek started giving me a hard time and telling me, I better not swear at his wedding. After that, the two of us were off and running.

I quickly learned this is how Derek expressed himself to people he liked. On their wedding day, a guy at the bar, asked how do you know Derek?

I replied, "He just married my friend Rachel." I still have fond memories of cruising around in the Hummerzine, after the wedding. Rachel and Derek were married on the day of the Woodward Dream Cruise, so it was chaotic good fun.

And Rachel being the friend she is, wanted to make sure I would be able to get home from the wedding the next day. You see, I had a horribly old and unreliable car.

I'm guessing that's how I ended up riding back from the wedding night with Derek driving, Rachel upfront and myself and Derek's dad in the back seat. (this was the next morning).

I endured more teasing from Derek. Something about crashing his wedding night, but I knew by now he was being sarcastic. I think you either got his humor or you didn't.

Rachel and Derek moved to Royal Oak and about this time, I went to Atlanta to go back to school.

Rachel and I stayed in touch and visited whenever we could, whenever I was back in Michigan.

By the time I'd moved back to Michigan and later, Royal Oak, Rachel and Derek had two kids, a girl and a boy.

Oddly, I ended up living only two miles away. I was invited into the family fold. Birthday parties, dinners, barbeque's on the deck in the summer. And it was nice.

I enjoyed the feeling of family and togetherness whenever I visited the house.

Sure, it was crazy with lots of commotion and constant movement, but the feeling that resided above all of that was a unified family and the love, affection and teasing they all shared, together.

And I was always welcome. It was sure nice for me, since I'm single and sometimes it was nice to hang out with the two of them. I'm not Oliver Twist or Annie, and I have my own family, but a friend family is different.

Because you pick them. You choose to hang out. I remember last winter calling Rachel late on a Friday night, to see if I could come over. A creepy guy was following me around while I shopped. Rachel said of course, and I came over.

I was greeted with Derek, thanking me for "luring the killer right to his front door."

How I will miss that. He was always making me laugh and he was such a kind man. That was obvious anytime he played with his children.

And I appreciated how much he clearly loved Rachel. The way they just fit. I never worried about anything coming between them. It was obvious they really loved each other and because of that, could conquer any advervisty that came their way.

It was inspiring to watch, and it reminded me to never settle. The right one will come along. And he did for Rachel.

And now he is gone.

My heart is aching for Rachel, for Derek, and for his children.

He will live on in those that loved him, but how I long to hear him joke around just once more.

I'll do my best to be there for Rachel and her children.

Maybe one day, she'll even laugh again.

Until then, I'll help her cry.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm Praying. Will You?

Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

One of my very good friends is facing the possibility of living life without her husband. He's only 34.

I don't know what else to say. He's in the hospital right now but things aren't looking good. I don't know where to put this angst, so I'm going to have to find a way to channel it.

Please say a prayer, a chant, or anything you can think of for Derek, Rachel's husband.

And say one for his two kids.

I keep wishing this was a tv movie of the week, but so far nobody is saying cut.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Fabulous Seattle

I'm back from visiting my friend Barrie in Seattle. It turned out to be one of the best vacations I've ever had. There was just the right blend of activity and downtime. I went on a hike and yes, fell down. But I'm fine. Saw a concert with a guy who sings like Johnny Cash, named Vince Mira. Stood right near the stage, and it was awesome.

Then I saw history being made as Barrie got 380 in Ski-ball. It was amazing. Saturday we trolled around downtown Seattle, and later went on a mini walk a thon to see some Fire works at this park, called Gasworks. Sunday was a lady spa day complete with a massage.

Monday was a tour of the library, a gungy bar called Shorty's, sushi, ice cream and yet another beautiful park. Monday morning it was lattes and cupcakes for breakfast at this little shop in Ballard, near Barrie's house.

It was the perfect anecdote to my stressed out life here at home. I actually slept great the whole time, ate fairly healthy, did a lot of walking and talking, drank a lot of yummy coffee, and just enjoyed hanging out without having a lot to do.

I also met Barrie's boyfriend Dominic, who was very friendly. It's always a little scary to be some body's guest because you never know how it's going to turn out.

No worries here. All went amazingly well. I'm going to hold this positive mood tightly in my grasp for a few more days.
And some-how block out the fact that I came home to a $1200 car repair, and jury duty.

Barrie and I were already discussing my next trip which is a lovely thought. Let me just pay off this car bill first.

Monday, June 29, 2009

My Reality

The weekend passed without too much fanfare, which sometimes is a good feeling. Lots of chores at home including piles of laundry in preparation for my vacation. Not that I plan on taking a lot of things, but I want to return to a closet full of clean clothes, a tidy house and a freshly washed comforter.

This means before Thursday I'll have to set foot in a laundry mat. I feel the dread. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so hopefully that will help me motivate.

I made homemade and healthy carrot cake cupcakes this weekend. Went and sat on the roof of Memphis Smoke and had a beer in the sunshine, tried to watch this movie, "This Property is Condemned," but alas, I couldn't get into it.

Went to Victoria Secret where I bought both a bra and undies for a reasonable almost normal price due to my coupon and the fact it was the semi-annual sale time.

Chatted with a friend who moved away. And I mentioned I was going to Seattle in a few days. To which she replies: "Oh, did you get a good sale on the airfare?" She always assumes, the only way I can do anything is if it is on sale. I did in fact, get a decent airfare, but I'm going because I want to see my friend that moved there.

She has always been unduly judgemental, especially considering her parents just bought her a condo. Ah well. That's why we aren't that close anymore.

Watched an episode of my new guilty pleasure, Tori and Dean in Hollywood. Yes, it's a show about Tori Spelling and her family.

And you know what? I think it's really good. She isn't bitchy or stupid. She seems pretty normal and most of it, is her doing normal things. And she's funny. But since she is a celebrity, occasionally you see her doing events or TV shows, and that just makes it fun. Because really?

In my opinion, a reality show should be an escape from my normal life. And I don't think I'll be having my own reality show anytime soon.

What would that consist of? Oh look, there's Kelly on a date. I'm cringing for her. Oh man. She got stood up. Now we'll all watch her sit on the couch or in her backyard and read. Look at that, now she's making lunch. There she is doing laundry. Why is she eating standing at the kitchen sink? Let's follow her to the gym. No wait, it sure is boring to watch her wait to get on the damn weight machine.

There she is at work. Why is she just typing all day? I thought advertising was glamorous like it is on Mad Men.

If only people, if only.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Assorted Ramblings

*I celebrated a birthday this week.
By all accounts it was a good one. I spent some time with family, assorted friends, pampered myself with a pedicure and tried not to dwell on my age or the fact that I'm still single. Not much good comes from that line of thinking. Instead I tried to embrace the good things in my life and the people who love me. Even when I'm crabby or sad.

*I LOVE Levi jeans. They just fit me. And while I still have the goal to go down one more size, the current pair I do own make me feel good in body and soul. Applying this logic, I was shopping recently and noticed that Levi's makes shorts too. Why in the world then, are the shorts so horribly unflattering? I mean seriously god-awful.

*Which came first the alcoholic or the cancer patient? Both are battling in my life at the moment.

*I finished Beach Music recently. I loved it. It will certainly become a favorite in my book reading mind. There is something truly extraordinary about the way that Pat Conroy tells a story. There is clearly one main protagonist, but he writes so richly that all the characters become important and beloved. And the ending. I won't spoil it, but I was happy with the story from start to finish and will still never be able to fully convey how wonderful it was.

* Mad Men. In prepartion for season 2's release on DVD, I've started to re-watch season 1, and it is incredible. The way that Betty was so adoring of Don in season 1, and his blatant disregard for his marriage vows during the entire season. And yet, Don Draper is somehow, still like-able, still charming.
Which got me thinking.
Would I still think that about him, if he looked like a regular guy rather than so incredibly hot and charismatic?

Monday, June 01, 2009


My Life to date:

Beach Music-Fantastic. Still not finished. Plan to finish it by the weekend for sure.

Work- Summer Fridays start this week for me. Hooray!

Movies- Saw the new Star Trek. It was a fun movie and I'm in no way a Trekkie. Still haven't watched, Benjamin Button. Can't seem to sit down for a three hour movie.

Dating- Yes. Could be better. Could be worse.

Working Out- Need more Elliptical machines. My biceps are becoming shapely.

Music- The new Eminem cd is a good summertime choice.

TV- Waiting for new season of Mad Men that starts in August. Sigh. Enjoying Rescue Me. Good like it was the first few years.

Trips- Several long weekends up north, some solo some with friends. The first of the season, to come Thursday. A "real" vacation to Seattle over the July 4th holiday.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Almost the Weekend

Since it's almost May and an entire month has gone by, I thought maybe it was time to update the blog.

Problem is, I don't have anything I need to share. Hopefully though typing will get my brain working and remind me that I do indeed enjoy this blog writing.

Can't believe the holiday weekend is almost here. I'm breaking tradition and going up north a week or two after this year. I can't wait to get up there though. I really love it.

My weekend plans here consist of the following:

1. Scary movie night outing a friend's house Friday
2. Party in Royal Oak Saturday
3. Matinee with dad and brothers at some point during the weekend to see the new Terminator movie. Boy friendly flicks work best.
4. Possible scouting of new cell phone
5. Maybe cleaning out my car
6. Misc. trips to the gym
7. A farmers market outing
8. Watching Curious Case of Benjamin Button-Have had it a while
9. Finishing my book, Beach Music.
10. Start writing story ideas or even better stories
11. Finish sort out closets and see what kind of work out clothes I currently own

Check back after the weekend, to see how many of these things I've completed. I'm kind of curious myself.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Does anyone else that works in an office, loathe the term, "webinar?"

Or instead of asking, "Do you have free time to work on X project?"

We are asked if we have "bandwidth?"

No. I have no bandwidth because I'll be attending webinar's the rest of the week.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Sometimes I feel like a nut

Things that need to leave and or drive me nuts:

1. Croc shoes- Oh how I wished this was a fleeting trend. Yet, it appears this "shoes" are sticking around for god knows how long. Plastic shoe? Come on people. And just because you pair them with wool socks, that doesn't mean they're good for the winter.

2. Beware emails: The ones that are for your own good. But for somebody like me who is already paranoid sometimes, I don't need constant reminders about how not to roll down car window because a masked gun man will shove his hand in my car, and I should carry around a club or something.

I know it's good to be prepared, but all the warnings tend to freak me out more. I think the old rule of, Don't talk to strangers is still valid. Enough said.

3. Noisy co-workers who leave their cell phone set at full volume and then leave it all afternoon. Yes, we all know you have a message now. Thanks for sharing.

4.People on the free way who act like they're entitled to drive in the exact same spot, even when one is trying to merge.

5. Girls with fake nails and tans. Trouble. All of it. Steer clear or dramatics will ensue.

That's enough for today.

My work day is slowing down and soon I'll be having happy hour. Score one for half off drinks. It makes the other things on the list just a tad more bearable.


Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Bodice Ripping for the Ages

Real life isn't a romance novel. Which any single woman can tell you. Or married ones can tell you the same thing. But more on them next time.

The whole premise of these books is completely over the top anyway.

Amazingly beautiful, extremely intelligent, and sassy (the women are always sassy), woman just hasn't met THE ONE.

Insert dream man who is equally attractive, perfectly sculpted body, kind and generous to a fault, and you've got your two main leads. Their names must be as exotic as the tropical island they live on together. Women have names like Raven. Men are Ridge or Thor.

Because romance novel characters are never Bob and Sally. That's just not romantic.

Having read my share of the romance genre in high school, I can assure the plots never twisted in this way:

Guy finds girl on a social networking site. We’ll call him Thor.

They were former high school classmates, and it's 20 years later. Thor and Raven strike up a friendship, which the relationship turns flirty, and then guy asks girl out.

The plot glitch?

He lives several hours away, but makes the trip and the date is by all accounts a success. Thor and Raven continue chatting and it seems like this is heading somewhere.

But it reaches an impasse when Thor is invited to return for a visit and he explains he can't make it. But wants to know if they're dating.

Raven isn't sure, but wants to spend more time together and offers above mentioned invite, which is rebuffed. In the meantime, hours upon hours are spent talking, instant messaging and texting.

After several months, Raven has had enough of the status quo and tells Thor she'd like to date him. Thor says, I'll have to think about it.

Thor has fallen off the face of the earth.

2nd plot twist:

Raven is sad. But knows she needs to try again, so with the push of some good friends puts out a personal ad and gets a ton of responses. So she isn't really into it, but tries to go along with it.

After a few weeks one guy, we'll call him Quinn appears interesting, smart and funny.

They begin talking and decide to meet. After the date, Raven has a freak out and realizes it's too soon and she shouldn't be dating anyone.

She tells Quinn of this, who is understanding.

Does the story end there? No.

Raven has a change of heart and explains to Quinn.

He is amazingly responsive and they agree to slow down and see how it goes.

A few weeks go by and Raven is now ready and likes Quinn, who all along appears to like her, and tells her often.

They've agreed to meet and talk about it if both are ready to go forward. No, not with marriage or anything serious. Just to see if they'd like to date. Have some fun.

Raven asks Quinn to meet up. He initially says yes, and then later in the week, Raven is broken up by Quinn via text message. A modern tool that hasn’t made its way into romance novels as a plot device.

But it is out here with the real people.

In the novel, Quinn will have a change of heart and realize he can’t live without Raven for one more second.

In real life, Raven is sad right now. But she is on her way to get her haircut. And she’ll continue to live her life the best way she knows how.

And that apparently does not include men named Quinn, Ridge, or Thor.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Poetry for the Pained

Dating Haiku's:

You sir, give good phone
When I want you in person,
the phone stops ringing.

He was a nice man
Witty, smart and full of charm
Alas, I was thrown down.

You, in hot pursuit
Broken hearted, I try again
Then, it is over.

I expect a slap
and a tidal wave of pain,
Please cure my cynicism.

She, a soulful girl.
Funny, caring and thoughtful
When will it happen?

If one more person
tells me to love myself, I
could retire in Prague.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Home Again

My trip to Chicago was fantastic. An oversell? Nope.

Two days of good friends, drinks, good food, a trip to a comedy club, and a snow storm with nothing but my spring coat?


Now, it's time to plot my next trip. It really helps brighten my day to day mood to know I have something to look forward to.

That and Johnny Cash's music, and springs arrival.

And yesterday morning on my way to work, my neighbor's cat, Sushi was apparently so excited to see me that after I petted him, he leapt onto my back.

He stayed there for several minutes.

"Everybody wants to be a cat."*

*Nashville joke.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

My Kind of Town

"My baby takes the morning train."

That's right. Tomorrow morning, Nevada and I are boarding a train to Chicago to see Rina. Drinking, laughing, shopping and eating shall commence.

Can't wait. I love trips with good friends, where the only thing on the agenda is to enjoy one self.

These women have been here for me through some messy life things. My dad's cancer, my skin cancer, day in and day out at an ad agency antics, and everything in between.

"Some people come into your lives and quickly go. Others come into your life, leave foot prints on your heart and you are never ever the same.

Looking forward to a few days with people who make sure I'm doing ok and always have my best interest at heart, and mine in theirs.

Wow! This is sappy. :)

Happy Weekend.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Strike Out

Today is a company sponsored bowling party in Dearborn to celebrate an award on some of our work.

Free food, beer, and pizza. I don't know that I'll be particpating in the bowling part of the afternoon.

I bowl like I dance, which is to say awful and laughable. I think the last time I went bowling it was about 15 years ago with my mom and Shane on a Sunday morning.

We had Bloody Mary's and for some reason, my thumb kept getting stuck in the thumb hole and making this odd popping sound.

And the last time I was hanging in a bowling alley, Karlene and I decided to go there to see if we could meet any men. It was not to be.

As soon as we sat down, Karlene says:

"The cutest guy here doesn't have any teeth."

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

My Older Brother


Nobody asked you to do it
Feeding me peanut butter and cornflakes
Through the crib rails
Before mom got up-

Sharing luke-warm fruit cocktail
Out of the can.
Sticky, syrup
Dripping from our hands
Saving the cherry till the end-

Defending my honor
Against a giant named Billy
Ruining your white Converse
You’d bought with paper-route money.
Splashed muddy brown.

Giving me a white cross necklace
Decorated with pink roses
Was even sweeter than
Strawberry Shortcake’s hair,
And my favorite present on
My 7th birthday.

Hugging me
With warm arms
That bent like Silly Putty

Sitting quietly
About nothing

That was

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Last night was awesome. There is something so liberating about hanging out real friends, where anything can be said. You won't be judged. Mocked perhaps.

But at least it will have an undertone of love attached.

The only down-fall to my night of revelery was that it wasn't a Friday. It was a Wednesday and now I'm having a long work day.

Still, it was worth it and I'd do it all over again given the chance.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I See!

I did it. Lasik is done.

This week my eyes are recovering and for the most part, it's fantastic. Occasionally up close, things look a little blurry. But the doctor says that's normal and considering without contacts everything in my life was blurry, this is a bonus.

No other news to share, so I'll go back to work while listening to my ipod and sipping on my Diet Dr. Thunder.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Rose's Glasses

It isn't often that you can actually type:

"My life is going to change." But today I can type it and mean.

Tomorrow morning, I'm getting Lasik eye surgery. So what does that mean?

Well, it means that the glasses I've had since I was in the 5th grade are going to obselete. My first pair, I remember having a blueish pink tint, and my mom wanted to make them pretty for me, so we picked out little gold stickers. A KQ to stick in the corner of my glasses.

Sure wish I had a picture of that. My glasses that I have now are simple wire framed, slightly cat eye-ish and have suited my needs just fine for the small amount of time I actually wear them, which was usually as little as possible.

Glasses made me feel ugly and nerdy. Not smart. I know I'm smart, but that didn't mean I wanted to put glasses on my face to prove a point.

When I started high school, I was horribly shy and insecure. My mom took pity on me and allowed me to get my first pair of contacts.

This was long before the disposal trend, and so contacts were to be treated like gold coins. Not like paper cups. And I was fairly responsible, but I was still 14.

And often dropped them in the morning when putting them on. I'd have to wake my mom up and she'd help me hunt for them while grumbling about it. But hey, at least she helped.

Tomorrow I'm facing a new frontier. One where I'll never again have to blindly stare at my alarm clock, haulcinate that there's a man on my neighbor's roof, or wear lenses that I'd accidently soaked all night in my mom's homemade face cream.

No more "faking it" at the eye doctor, or trying to discern was 1 really bettter than 2 or is that P actually an R?

Oh and the next time I go to the renew my driver's license, I'll be able to uncheck the box that says corrective lens.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Movie Night

No Oscar fever this year. Usually I'm excited to watch and do what I can do particapate, but this year, "I just wasn't that into it."

Instead I went to my new friend Monica's house and hung out with her, her husband and their freind Steve. Every month they host what's called, Scary Movie Night.

Now, scary movies aren't my thing, but this movie was more campy than scary and it was really all of just laughing, talking and snacking. I had a lot of fun.

Saturday, I had lapsed myself into a coma with to much snow and tv.

Yesterday, I decided to go get a pedicure, then walked around Royal Oak, got some mexican take out, and picked up my house a bit.

But socailizing was just what I needed to break me out of my slump.

The movie by the way was some Werewolf movie. Not scary, except for the wooden dialogue.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

More Texts with Brian

In an ongoing series, I'll share text messages from my dad. A man who about a month ago bought a new Macbook, and has already burned a few keys off with a stray cigarette.

I'm so glad to see him embrace technology in new ways.

1. Roses are red. So what? I like daisy's. HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!

2.Just like Ernest Hemingway said: All true stories end by having a drink somewhere.

3. Are you having a mint Julip or ya'll settling for a Bud Light?

4. You Nashville Cats know all the little tricks don't you?

5. Do you want to go to a movie today?

6. Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. A good day for football, bad day for shopping.

7. Thanks for everything.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Moody Blues


We are all over the place. Yesterday, I was crabby and mad.

Today I want to cry and I don't know why. One could say it was hormones, but I don't know if that's it. I kind of hope it is, because that means these mood swings are just a temporary thing and I'm not actually having a freak out for no reason.

Honestly, I'm a pretty level-headed person. And I don't suffer from mood swings too often.

Anyway, I thought writing about it would help, but it hasn't. So, back to work.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Wrong Side of the Bed

I'm a crabby ass bitch today.

Stay away if you know what's good for you or I'm likely to yell at you, like I yelled at my co-worker this morning. I was coming up the stairs, holding hot coffee which is a scary situation for anybody that knows me. As I'm holding the door, in an attempt to be polite despite my inner bitch, E. decides that I no longer need to hold the door.

In fact, he decides he will go around me and makes me almost spill my coffee. To which I finally say: Just go. I'm already holding the door. Just go through it. I appreicate the chivilary, but seriously this coffee is burning my hand through this thin paper cup.

He said he appreciated my brutal honesty. Not sure if that's true, but today I don't care.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Nashville and a vintage poem

Nashville was a fantastic time, and I'm in fact having withdrawal today. As there are no other female Quinlan's, BBQ, beer or good country music here in my cubicle.

What an office it would be, if there was. :)

I'm certain next year's trip will be even more fantastic, when even more attend the Quinlan extravaganza.

Today, I found this poem and it's a couple years old, I'm posting it below. I'm sensing a theme, some are less angry, but they all seem to center on loneliness. I'm all the more lucky for such a great family and support system.

Stir (ing) Crazy

In the middle a lecture on algae,
From a guy wearing corduroy pants,
you realize you’re jealous of your laundry,
and you would rather be home folding it.
He wasn’t worth the effort of shaving.

But being single is knowing the kicked-in–the-teeth, sharp pang of
loneliness will pass.

Being single is realizing that a bad relationship isn’t better than being alone.
He tells you on a weekend in the Hamptons,
he knows what he wants,
And its not you.

No guest to bring, you will spend the slow dances of wedding receptions
sitting at the table smiling, when you want to scream,
at the happy couples
Fuck you.

Every night is girls’ night out when you’re single.
Your girlfriends are sympathetic,
until a boyfriend blots their memories
like a Rorschach test.

Being single is knowing a good date is not a promise of happiness,
but maybe,
a chance to test the effectiveness of the pill.

It’s Sex and the City without the designer shoes,
It’s eating Ben and Jerry’s,
straight from the carton.

There’s no point in settling.
Being single is about enjoying your own company,
and hoping someday
so will someone else.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Nashville Bound

How will I celebrate the holiday that singles everywhere endure year after year with cheeky good natured disgust? I'll be hanging with Cupid in Nashville with a pack of female Quinlan cousins and Aunts.

I'm getting excited. We leave Friday. Even the car ride is sure to be an exciting adventure. These women are my family, but we're a very close family to the point that it will feel like a long weekend with some of my favorite girlfriends.

In the last few years, I've actually gotten over my Valentine bitterness. Realizing it's truly sort of a dumb holiday. But, I do love any reason to eat good chocolate and I'll celebrate that any day of the week.

I'm sure I'll have lots to report on the trip, so stay tuned. I'm really hoping we venture to the Grand Ole Opry. That would be sweet.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Shamrocks and Tacos

I was out at the bar with some friends last year and a few of them were British.

So, somebody says: "Isn't it Cinco de Mayo?"

And one of the Brits, says" What's Cinco de Mayo?

And the other Brit says: "It's like St. Patrick's Day for Mexicans."

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Welcome to the Cubicle

So, I work in corporate America. And while, it's not as button down as being an accountant, it's still a pretty sterile enviroment, to write creativitly about whatever the order of the day is.

To ease this juxposition, I've tried to spruce up my work space with personal items.

Let's now take a tour of Kelly's work space.

My home away from home first needs some type of wallpaper:

To that end:
1. Johnny Cash's Mug Shot
2. A print out of a Wizard of Oz coloring book with a caption that reads:
"Dorothy is very Unhappy." She is crying and Tin Man is consoling her.
3. A bumper stick that just says, "Cash".
4. Funny drawing from a birthday card.
5. Photos: One of my family in FLA, Shane and Magnus, and assorted office humor cut-outs.

Onto my lone shelf we have:

1. A postcard of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
2. A picture of a woman in bed- Caption reads: Golly, That was fun!
3. A miniuture Etch A Sketch- Ohio Art is one our clients
4. Assorted medicine: Pamprin, Ibuprofen.
5. Snacks: fresh blood orange from this morning, a stray peanut butter cup, a packet of sugar-free hot chocolate, a 100 calorie pack of Cheez-Its, a bag of peppermint tea, and a pack of Orbit Sweet Mint gum.

On my desk itself, a metal rack with assorted files where I shove things and then never look at ever again, 2 vendor coffee mugs, a phone I never use, and a brand new imac with a 24" inch screen. This is causing cubicle envy. At least once a day, somebody comments about how large my screen is.

This concludes our tour. Please visit our gift shop on your way out.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Worth A Lot More

I went to a dear friend's going away party last night. And I was filled with both sadness and joy. The festivities took place at Crave, a swanky bar in Downtown Dearborn.

2 Gin and Tonics: $14.00.
1 G&T for Nevada: $7.00.
My share of split appetizers: $24.00.

Spending the evening with Usha, in her last night in America:

Goodbye, good luck. You'll be missed.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Pedi and Lager

Yes, it's already been a long week. And it started yesterday.

To preserve my sanity, I'm meeting Nevada for pedicures and beer after work.

When will some person think of this, so I can also sip a beer while somebody paints my toes?

You'd have a line out the door.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Grand Tarino

My morning started when an old man in a wheel chair seemed to be trying to race along side my car.

Then I got stuck behind a hearse.

The day hasn't gotten much better.

At least it's almost over.

Oh, and I really liked Grand Traino.

See it if you get the chance.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Off A Day

My day off today was semi-productive. I slept in a bit, which is really the best part of a day off for me, hands down.

Then I took my new weight routine to the gym and tried it out. My arms are sore, so I'll take that as a good sign. Feels good to be finally getting back into a routine-even though part of my longs to never have another one. Sigh.

More shredding of papers and filing of papers. Then a quick visit to my cousin Shannon's house and then it was off to a dentist appointment, because nothing says fun day off like the dentist.

Finished the last of the bounty hunter books a few days ago, so it's time to dig up something to read off my shelves.

A little 30 Rock and then it's bed time, so I can get up and head to the gym and start the crazy cycle all over again.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Text Between the Lines

My dad is 63 and he's recently embraced text messaging. Here are a few of my favorites:*

"Was watching something from HALLMARK on TV. CRAP. It always is with them them. Their story is always weak. the background is cheesy and they don't hire any known actors. They SUCK! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

"Your Snuggie has been here since Saturday."

" I hope to see you of course but it may be too cold for salt to even work. Could be risky."

"No but as bored as I am it's worth talking about at least once. Plus, did you notice how I replaced the word HAZERDOUS With the much smaller word RISKY for the purpose of texting?"

*text spelling and formatting have been replicated as they originally appeared.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Ice Storm-The Movie

I watched the Ice Storm this weekend. It came out in 1997 and was directed by Ang Lee who went to direct, Brokeback Mountain.

Since I'd seen Brokeback Mountain, I was able to see clearly Ang Lee's directional style. Beautiful cinematophography, dark and dramatic. Problem was, it was dysfunctional and depressing.

Not a single likeable character, and then just when you think it can't get any worse, it has a horribly depressing ending.

I'm all for a good dark drama and like a little coffee with my sugar, but this was too much for me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

You've Got Mail

I'm winding down my weekend with a little emailing and tv watching. The organization project presses on. Have scheduled a pick up of my random crap for Thursday, and have shredded what feels like a brick ton of old papers, bank statements.

And it's always made me realize that I have way too much stationary. I need to bring back writing letters to friends. I miss those days when you'd come home to find an actual handwritten letter in the mail.

Granted, I do send cards for Christmas's, birthdays, celebrations and sympathy, but I should be writing more hand written cards, instead of relying on the instant gratification that email brings. Email is still a valid way to keep tabs on my friends and family far and near and I don't see it going away either.

Just more pen to paper. My moment of Zen is approaching. Each day I make progress in another room and soon, I'll be able to head to the store and stock up on all things orgaizational.

Let's hope sleep comes tonight, as I've just dedicated an entire blog to cards and letter writing.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Insominiac Nation

Insominia strikes again. Had it last night, so one might assume that tonight sleep or the sand man may visit, but it just isn't so.

That's ok. At least it's Friday tomorrow. I've got a project due, and I didn't get very far due to doctor's appointment. But that's ok. I'll drink a lot of coffee and power through.

This weekend's agenda: Possible gym trip with Shane for a new weight routine and possible movie outing with those boys for Gran Torino.

And I must finish organizing my upper flat. Something I started when I was on Christmas break. Made the appointment for my junk to be picked up next Thursday. I find deadlines motivate me.