Monday, July 30, 2007


30 years of bull-shit
and I'm still here.
Chasing a dream where writing is money
I'm relative
to an audience.
Imagining my personal thoughts become important.
But will I appreciate it?
Or will I still be stressed,
that my pants are pulled too tight across my thighs?
No matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter,
it does.
Skinny won't fundamentally change me
but looking in the mirror
will hurt less.
You can't blame the shallow,
they have nothing else.
The rest of us,
get to be the smart girl,
not dancing on Friday night
because she's typing at her computer
dreaming about tiny dresses.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Pushing Pencils

It's the billionth Monday of my office career. And it's as lame as most have proven to be in the past.

As for now, no new assignments awaiting me, no pressing matters. Just a long drawn out day perched in front of my keyboard attempting to look busy. I was busy at lunch when I ran errands, but I'm sure that's not what you had in mind.

Monday's depress me. They are far from Friday and so close to Sunday I can still recall yesterday like it was well, yesterday when I was free to do whatever I wanted.

I've started sorting out things in my home "office area" and spent part of the day yesterday shredding up credit card offers, letters I'd die if anyone ever found and things of that nature.

The good news is that now it's Monday afternoon and in two short hours it'll be quitting time.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

An Enchanted Evening

Last night I attended the wedding of my dear friend Becky and her now husband Len.

It was one of the most elegant weddings I've ever been to. It was one of those weddings where you could feel the love in the air, feel the joy of the couple being married and the celebration of two families coming together.

She looked beautiful, he looked radiant, and together they looked magical.

If you're still reading, please keep your negative cynical thoughts to yourself. Because unless you were there, you can't know the feeling that moved over each guest.

You see, both Becky and Len had been married before each believing I'm sure that it was to last forever. But things hadn't worked out the way they perhaps imagined it would and instead both ended up divorced.

And found one another.

Maybe it was the wisdom that comes with age or past experiences that led them both to this place that allowed them both to try again.

Either way, it was an honor to be in included in the very small wedding, and I wish them both as much love now as on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Congratulations, Becky and Len.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Show me that Smile

When I was going through my teen years and I should preface with early teens, I battled all the usual problems. Zits, the joys of puberty and many many crushes and obssive readings of Bop and Tiger Beat magazine.

Among my crushes, one stood out. Kirk Cameron of Growing Pain fame. In retrospect, I can't be sure what the attraction was. Was it the crazy curly hair? The boy next door look compiled with the lack of facial hair?

I can't be sure. All I know is that Kirk Cameron is the only celebrity that I ever wrote a fan letter to. In my defense, I was 11 or 12 at the time, and this was before he turned all religious. His face plastered every available surface in my bedroom and I'd spend my allowance every week buying the newest issue of BOP, so I could coat more walls and obsess a little more.

"Kirk washing a car. Kirk eating a hamburger. Kirk laying on his bed, staring at the wall."

WTF? I guess I was just a normal pre teen. I had crushes on real boys in my classes too, but my heart melted every week with that Growing Pain theme song.

I don't really get that thrilled anymore. I'm more interested in meeting real people, but I can still appreciate a man with a little throwdown. More on this later.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Back in Black

Yes. I'm back. Back from my mini vacation of eating whatever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted and sleeping till whenever which ironically on vacation, I don't ever sleep in too much. Certainly not in excess.

I thought I'd missed a lot, but as it turns out I missed nothing. I got to spend time at the lake yesterday and see Amy which was so nice. I missed her and we had fun floating around the water.

She inspired me to get back to my own healthy eating and gym habits. It just gets so hard when I've been stuck at a plateau for so long, but I shall keep pressing on. I think as long as I don't give up that's the key.

My bones feel like they're melted so I guess I'm relaxed. Somebody get me a hammock and a drink.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

July the 4th

Today I will head up I-75 on a holiday trek to visit my mom and my cousin.

We may have some sparklers, maybe a hot dog or some other grilled treat. It doesn't matter. The part that I'm focusing on is the few days off of work, away from pretending I care about any such thing when it is finally summer in Michigan.

A glorious season to be had by all.

When I get home from said job, I must finish throwing stuff in my bags and head due north.