Thursday, June 07, 2007

Mourning Sickness

You know how writing makes you feel like you forgot to get dressed?

That's what this entry is gonna be like for me. But one thing I've learned is that writing helps me deal with stuff and speaking the truth isn't easy or pretty but it is necessary.

So here goes. My dad I know I've mentioned him a time or two in this space, well he's been dealing with cancer since 2003. And this past Tuesday we got the news that I never wanted to hear. MY dad's cancer has gone into his spine.

There is no more treatment. Just a management of pain medication from now till later.

We weren't given a time table and I know myself, I don't need a time table. I will miss him for the rest of my life. I'll mourn him and his absence so I'm certain I don't need a ticking clock over my head to tell me, I better cram in all my visits, I better commit every conversation to memory as if it were our last.

This I already know.

I'm hoping to talk to him about taking a trip someplace. Hopefully Ireland.

I don't know what else to say. I'll do this one day at time, minute by minute if that's what it takes.

1 comment:

Barrie said...

even though i'm not there to hold your hand, please know that i'm thinking of you and your family every day. it pains me so much that you're going through this. there are never the right words to express in situations like this, but i guess the only thing i can say is that i'm here for you day and night. at least via phone or internet.

i only met your dad once, but please give him a really tight hug (and/or a beer) for me.