Cut and Paste

In my attempt to get back to my writing, I spent most of the afternoon staring at a story that I've decided to revise since it's the subject matter is a little lighter than some of the others. But all I managed to do all afternoon, was move the order of the story around.

I can tell there are some structural issues. Other than that, I'm stuck. I'll just keep plugging away today though, as that's really the only choice I have if I actually want to make any progress to speak of. You know you're stuck, when you spend hours just cutting and pasting. If I want to look at this from an optimistic viewpoint, at least I could tell I needed to move things around. That's something, right?

Other ways that I'm feeding my soul....leaving town with Connie up to my mom's for a few days of nothing but beach, sand, drinks, books and deck time.

I'm ready.

Time to Dust off the Keyboard

I've turned into a blogging slacker. For a time, I would get to this blog every morning and use it as a warm up for my writing day at work. I'm vowing to get back to now, as after all my years of thinking and plotting, I truly am going to start writing my book. I have lots of stories and what I do know is that writing as always saved me.

Has always helped me express myself and deal with things that may be bothering me.

And I trust it will happen again. If I just let myself go and write my heart out. It's my passion and if I could make a living as an author, I'd be the happiest person on the planet. And I'm not exxarating.

Putting in this public blog to give myself a sense of accountability. The blog needs re focus and take new shape anyway.

Not sure what that will be. I'm just happy for now, that I'm typing on a keyboard with the intent to have work produced.

Heading North after work with some good friends and I'm really looking forward to it. They're the kind of friends that feel like family.

Happy 4th of July weekend to all.

Memorial Day Weekend- Bam Summer is Here

If Memorial Day is the official kick off to summer, then I kicked it off wearing a steel toed boot while holding a mug of beer.

One giant perk of my corporate ad gig is something that management calls Summer Fridays.
Summer Fridays are you guessed it, Fridays during the summer months that we can take off.
Every other from now till Labor Day.

My weekend started Thursday night then with drinks at my favorite bar, The Black Lotus with the original Black Lotus friends. :)

Friday morning I woke up and managed to drag myself to the gym. Wasn't feeling too good but managed to get my house cleaned up a bit. Rested for the afternoon and then Becky came over and we went to dinner at Zumba and then we watched, Hangover 2.

Saturday morning was still feeling a little off and since the weather wasn't cooperating, Connie and I changed our nature hike into a trip to the movies. We saw, The Lincoln Lawyer. My review is that it was a pretty good movie.

After that we did some window shopping and I found a new beach hat for the summer.

Home after that to head to Zosia's birthday party. Stayed just a few hours because I had to get up early Sunday for a Wedding brunch in Ann Arbor.

Sunday morning, I woke up got dressed up and drove to Kim and Tom's to ride along to Ann Arbor. Yolanda and her boyfriend Nestor got married in the woods. I wasn't invited to the actual wedding but came later for the post wedding brunch. Came home and rested on the couch just for a bit.

Then it was off to an impromtou dinner and drinks visit with Jan and Greg and Trevor on their deck.

Ignoring the tornado warning, I just hopped in the car and went with it.

Steak dinner and lots of conversation later, I headed home.

Monday morning brought sunshine for Memorial Day. Headed to Pam's Memorial Day Parade Party with my brothers in tow. It was nice spending time with them and on Memorial Day.

Home for a short nap after that, and then off to Kim and Tom's for a BBQ.

Very fun and hot. :)

All in all, I feel like I crammed a few summer weekends into one.
Can't wait to see what else the summer brings. If all the weekends are like this past one, my laundry may never get done.

And that's ok.

A Friendship in Summary

The funny thing about friendship is it’s truly a sum of its parts kind of deal. You don’t catalog this or that. You just accept what is about your friend and take it in stride.

Strange that after one dies and I think of her in a collection of character traits. Like how when we would go for our daily walks, Nevada (that’s her name) she’d always stoop down to pick up loose change. Even pennies. Most people wouldn’t bother. But Nevada would always scoop it up like it was a gold coin and say, “Hey, it’s money isn’t it? I’m not too proud to pick it up.”

Nevada was brave, strong, vibrant, strong willed, compassionate, a hater of small talk, and a lover of flowers, plants of walking outside, of a cold beer on a patio.

Afflicted with a rare brain disease called, Moyamoya that killed her.

Before she died, she lived a full life.

And I was lucky enough to part of that life. Our paths crossed in the winter of 2006. We were both copywriters for Ford Motor Company’s ad agency. Most writers aspire to write more than car slogans… and this was definitely the case with Nevada. She self published one book and was in the middle of writing her second one when she died.

And myself for that matter. But this story isn’t about me. Not really. I was just along for the ride. A friendship for the ages—that lasted only four years.

She and I shared some similar personality traits: We’d never stop talking, we loved to write, to drink beer, both steadfastly loyal to those we loved, and a wicked sense of humor.

Me though, I will say even to strangers on the sidewalk or when a new person would walk by Nevada and mine’s desk… Nevada used to tease me, asking me why was I talking to them? They didn’t know me.

We used to joke about how when we got old, we’d both be at the nursing home and I’d be saying hi to everyone and Nevada would be grumpily telling everyone to go away.

It’s a wonder then how we even became friends in the first place. Perhaps I wore her down or she learned I wasn’t as much as a dork as I perhaps originally appeared.

I can’t be sure what it was, but I am just glad it is so.

Assorted Thoughts

I've got some random thoughts on mind, so this blog will be random as well.
Just a little warning before we get started.

1. Sunday dinner is in the oven. I try to make a big dinner on the weekends and then I have the leftovers during the work week. Plus, I have more time to enjoy the cooking on the weekend. Tonight's feast is roasted pork loin, roasted carrots and an actual potato that is baked in the oven. It tastes so much better than when you microwave them.

2. I hate the word webinar and any word that comes before or after it. It is just a fake word that makes one crazy.

3. I've got to continue my decluttering this week. Spring cleaning can be liberating.

4. Enjoying my new Adele cd that just arrived. Why I ordered an actual cd, I can't remember right now but the good news is, I can listen to it my car. The only place left that I actually own a cd player.

5.I'm sick of winter. I'm sick of faux winter. As much as adore my flannel sock monkey sheets and my fleece pajamas, I'm tired of wearing them. Time to retire those flannel sheets and open the windows, to let the sunshine and spring air in.
Hurry Up Spring!

6. Looking forward to the last season of Friday Night Lights. A great show that is highly under-rated. I think I can get the whole season on dvd on Tuesday. Or I can hold out for Netflix. Probably the smarter choice.

7. Household chores and laundry also being completed this weekend. Not fun, but feels good after it's done.

Time to go. Dinner's ready.

Not for the Faint at Heart

Grief is changing. I'm finding it's always present but at least it has the decency to take a background chatter/ache some days. Then other times out of nowhere, when you dared to smile and laugh for just a minute.... it slams hard and takes over your whole body.

Now, I should have seen this one coming. I bought a memorial keepsake ring with the intended purpose of storing a small amount of my dad's ashes inside. No one would ever know.

But it should be him, as I've already had his initials engraved on the inner band. I can't very well store somebody else in there.

The ring arrived very quickly after I ordered it.
Great deal on a classic looking ring from deaddad.com. (Kidding).

Anyway, the ring came with a mini funnel and crazy glue to fill and then secure the tiny opening after. That in itself made me laugh for some reason. It's all so absurd.

I mentally steeled myself, and got out the directions. After carefully lifting the lid on my dad's urn, (a cookie jar for those that don't know), I scooped out some ashes.

Spooned them into the tiny hole with a plastic spoon and... drum roll.... nothing.

The ashes are very fine, but apparently they are no match for the tiny funnel.
They were still too big to fall down into the ring opening.

What could I do? I simply packed everything up, poured a beer and vowed to try another time.

It got me thinking though. Maybe I'd just keep the ring, sans dad. I will still wear it in his honor. But maybe he doesn't need to live inside my ring that I wear.

This isn't a question that can really be solved. Every one is different, and what works for some may not be suited for you.

And any choice is yours to make. Because that's the thing about grief. Books can be written, stories can be shared,but at the end of the day, grief I'm finding is really a path we all have to travel on alone.

Yes, we need lots of help, love and support along the way, but the ultimate healing must come from yourself.

This morning, I'm contemplating my ring. To fill or not to fill?

And the bigger question, where to take my dad to set him free?

I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to spend eternity on bookshelf in a Shamrock covered cookie jar.

You Don't Always Get What you Want. But Sometimes You Get What you Need.

Allow me to explain. When I was about five or six, so we're talking 1978 or 1979, I asked Santa Claus for a Ken doll for Christmas. Barbie needed some arm candy. Fast forward to Christmas morning, and there under the tree was a Ken shaped box. Imagine my thrill as I tore through the paper to find the Purple fringed doll above.

Confused, I ask, "What is this?" Why did Santa bring me this doll?" Where's Ken?"
My mom told me: "That's Donny Osmond. He's better than Ken."

My Barbie dated Donny Osmond for years.

I have often re-told this story to my mom's chargin. She has heard it many times over the years. Most recently while out to dinner with my oldest friend Connie.

It's now Christmas 2010 and I am worried, and sad. Wondering how I'll feel on my first Christmas without my dad. As is tradition, we open one gift on Christmas Eve.

I opened mine to find a brand new Ken. Complete with "real hair." (pictures to follow shortly).

My mom had intended the present as a joke, but what she actually gave us was a gift.

A reason to laugh and to have fun at this first somber Christmas.

We spent the next few days posing Ken particapting in things we were doing as a family.

And as a way to document my adventures with Ken, I'll start using this space to share my new adventures with Ken.

2011- Day 1

One of my goals for 2011, is to write again. This is a big improvement over last year, where my sole resolution was to not commit suicide.

Since today is the very first day of the new year, it seemed to be a good time to get writing, even if today it is only this blog entry.

I survived my first set of holidays without my dad and my second without my dear friend Nevada. Both of those things seem surreal. I'm cleaning out clutter though to get mentally geared up to do many things this year. Self publish a story collection, (sounds less imitating than writing a book), getting back to the gym and exercise (we will take it one day at time), but considering I had cereal and a glass of wine for dinner, today doesn't seem to be the day. (Let's be honest and two cookies). :)

Hoping to continue traveling this year as nothing sets my spirit free, like new air when I wake up someplace new.

Plan to focus on getting a new job where I don't dread going in to work, all while enjoying the plethora of vacation time the current job allows.

Today, I bought a new computer battery as what good is a laptop that can't leave the house for fear of being disconnected from the power outlet? And I did make it to the grocery store.

May 2011 bring me love, laughter, gym adventures, writing material, good writing, good beer, good friends, a great family, a chance to wear all my cute old clothes again, a few vacations, and a lot less pain than the end of 2009 and the entire 2010.

Love to all that read this. I hope we can take this journey together.

My GPS is fired up for our adventures.