Here we Go Again

I know that's the title of that WhiteSnake song,but it is fitting today. The roommate's boyfriend will once again be visiting us this weekend. Actually to be more specific, he's visiting my roommate's bedroom. Last time, I never saw them come out of it once. Tonya told me later that it was because her boyfriend didn't bring any pants and he's kinda modest, so he just stayed covered up. You know, I don't care. If he's going to be spending days at a time in my bathroom he might as well, flash me too. Add some excitement to the weekend.

The good news is I won't be home this evening, so I'll be missing night one of Suckfest. Actually,I was going to have a girls evening with my friend Connie, but that now has somehow transpired into meatless spaghetti dinner with her and her husband. So another couple to mix it up. Except these guys have been together for a while, so I won't get to watch them make out and coo at each other. Bummer. I do love that. Not to worry, there will be plenty of that going on, when I get home.

It's a little game of cat and mouse. The three us spend our time wishing the other one would go someplace. The ultimate dream will be when the boyfriend gets a job, and buys himself his very own love-shack--and then I'll be blissfully alone. Not pretending I'm alone, while people are making out in the next room. Maybe I should really consider that whole peeing on the couch thing. It sounds more appealing with each passing week.

I HAIKU DO YOU

In honor of the man who invented the Crash Test dummy, I've prepared a haiku for him.
He died.

Crash Test Dummy Haiku

Bendy, taught us lots
Belt buckles are a good thing
Crashing cars was fun.

We'll miss you, Mr. Safety seat-belt guy. You did a good job making sure that people buckle up. I always wear my seat belt. And I've walked away from a few car accidents, so that says something.

Good Job.

And here's a haiku about Las Vegas because my friend Becky has been there this week, making it harder for me to procrastinate during my work day.

Vegas haiku:

Bright lights big city
Strippers, dancers, neon burns hot
Flashing, flashing, Go.

Oh Happy Day

I realized that in order to have a successful blog, I need to be more Free to be Me. Although the last blog where I was really free, was when I ranted about happy couples, which is part of today's topic too.

The roommate, her name is Tonya just told me last night that the new boyfriend will be spending the weekend with us. And I do mean the whole weekend. He lives about a half an hour away, but he might as well live, 8 hours away. He brings a bag, and all his crap, and my roommate turns into a 1950's housewife, which trust me is not her normal MO. She cooks and cleans the whole time he's there, except for when they're holed up in her love cocoon on her bed, with the door closed. And trust me, I'm thankful the door is closed, but the whole situation is just wierd. They spend all their "date nights" hanging out with the dude's dad, and his girlfriend. That's when they aren't playing cribbage. Who under the age of 60 plays that game?
And this is the official Valentine Weekend, or for single people we call it Saturday,and Yep, I'm still alone. Why don't we get a day to celebrate the fact that so far, we haven't shackled ourselves to some slob who sits on the couch and scratchs himself? I should be so lucky. It's the grass is black on my side, and green as can be over there. It's not true. Most of the couples I know are not Zened out on some high Nirvana all the time. I usually hang up from their calls, and think, I'm not really missing anything, and I still control my remote control all the time.
I don't really need a Holiday to make me feel bad about being alone. I did that last week, and there weren't any flowers or candy.
My blog may sound like the opposite, but I'm not actually that upset about being single at the moment. It does have its moments of satisfication.

Like I can do whatever I want. All the time. No kids to worry about, so if I see a cute pair of shoes, and decide to spend my grocery cash on them, the only one who gets affected is me. Sure, I have to eat cereal for dinner for days after, but really it's worth it. Sometimes a cute pair of shoes can really put a happy skip in your day. Or if I decide to get drunk for no reason, that's ok too. Some might say that's a cry for help, but sometimes nothing beats a good buzz, and nowhere to go. So I try and take joy in it.

Bathroom Behavior

Hello there.

I'm not going get into some big graphic disscussion about what goes on bathrooms. I'll leave that to experts other than myself. But I would like to comment on public bathrooms.

Here's the thing: When you're in the bathroom and somebody knocks on the door, you don't have to answer because you're on the toilet. Obviously, that's why you have the door locked. Otherwise the door wouldn't be locked, and you rude person on the other side of the door could come in freely.

I used to fall for this trick, and I'd yell to the person someone is in here. Well, no shit. That's why you can't come in you impatient bastard.

So my advice is "Don't Answer the Knock." In case they're impatient and stupid, they'll figure out somebody was in there as soon as I come out.

Wait your turn. And resist the knocking. Sometimes it's not opportunity. It's just stupid.

It ain't Easy being Green

I'm not actually green. I'd like to get that out of the way right now.

But I did wear green today. Because my eyes are hazel which means they're brownish green for those of you who think Hazel is just the name of Julia Roberts kid or something. Anyway, feeling snappy till I got to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. My right eye is mad at me. That's the only explanation I've got for why it's all red in the corner. Contacts could be a factor, who the hell knows?

All I know is that my right eye is mad at me. It's been giving me the red eye treatment for a week or so. Even when I make them look through my nerdy glasses, it didn't seem to help. Oh well. I guess until it falls out of head or swells shut, I'm not gonna worry about it.

What a Feeling

At first there was nothing.....

Does anyone else hear the theme to Flashdance in their head when they think of going to the gym? I do, but probably because my friend Barrie made me some gym cd's, and that's one of my songs.

Problem is this: I have the gym membership, I've got the shoes. I just can't wake up. I was doing well before the holidays. I've been trying to get there 5 days a week. This week so far, I'm 0 of 3. So tommorow, I'll make it. I feel better when I go, and obviously realize that I'll get in shape much faster if I put down the cookies and hop on the treadmill.

I want to be in shape for the spring. I don't like being heavy, but right now all the clothing is kind of bulky anyway, but come spring it's all out there. And I want to be ready. I know I can do it. Last time I lost 30 pounds.

Getting up is half the battle. Since I've put it out in the cyber universe I'll make it hold water. Especially since I was driving around with my tennis shoes in my car today, and they are mocking me.

Why Cell Phones Suck

My friend Amy called me on her cell phone, but she couldn't hear me, so I ended up yelling in her ear and then she got mad at me and hung up. I didn't know she hung up, and I had apologized but she missed the whole thing. That's the thing about cell phones. They cut you off at the worst times. Don't ever try and have a heart-felt conversation because as soon as you reach the climax of what you were calling for........I find myself really having fee....... that's the moment the folks at Nextel will decide that you didn't mean to tell that childhood friend that you've fallen in love with them. They are either sadistic bastards who want you to build up the courage that has taken you 20 years to get and call him back, or they are angels in disguise who are saving you from the utter humiliation of making such a grand declaration.

I'm thinking they've got a twisted sense of humor. Because the phone never cuts you off in the middle of a conversation with your mother when she is warning you about the dangers of visiting an ATM late at night, or asking if you've started your new diet yet, or if you're sure that you should go on that interview.

I think all the parents in the world are in cahoots with Nextel and all the cell phone companies and if they really want to make a dent, they need to team up with the people from Sallie Mae. There's a hidden goldmine in there....All they have to do is......Oops there goes the cell phone again.

What can I say

I feel like a phony even posting anything on here today. I don't have an amusing ancedote to share, but I'm just typing to pass the time, so that I don't fall asleep at my desk. I seem to to have contracted some type of wierd stomach virus and I've been feeling sick for a few days. And the thing about being sick is that you're doing nothing. Can do nothing except lay still and wish you were dead. I couldn't stay home today, or I certainly would've tried. I did stay home yesterday. It's not like I work at a sweatshop. But even Oprah was too much stimulation for my tired brain. I did finish this stupid book about a talking cat. It's as dumb as it sounds.

I have a project due tommorow. It sometimes makes me wish that I had a job that didn't require the use of my brain. But what can you do? I'm certain I'll be better tommorow, after my steady diet of saltines, flat vernors, and gatorade. I feel like Karen Carpenter could've had her own diet plan. At least it's helping me shed some of the holiday food weight. It seems more effective than even the South Beach diet.

That's the one good thing. Loss of appetite. And my feet are unaturually hot. Enough whining.

Today there is no chimp

This is my inaurgral blob. So, I guess I should say something profound. The thing is, I don't have anything profound to say at the moment. I was off yesterday,and I was most relived when I came in to work this morning, that there was no chimp at my desk doing my job. I work as a copywriter, but I think sometimes if I was gone for a week at a time, nobody would notice.

I'm fairly under the radar, which is a good thing most days. I would hate to be one of those high profile people that everyone always asks questions of. It sounds like fun, until every problem is either your fault or your responsibility to fix. I worked as a property manager and the residents always wanted me to solve their problems. Even if it was something related to weather. Make it stop snowing. Make the wind storm stop. Like if I could control the universe, I'd be spending my time listening to people complain about the parking spaces. People would actually call, and say they had to park far away from their apartment. I would tell them,it's first come first serve. And besides, I'd ask: can you see your apartment from your space?
The resident would say yes. Then I said, well than you're not that far away, are you?

Guess that's it for now.

Kelly