Motivational Poster

Nevada's inspiritional poster to remind me I'm worthy of good dates.

Packing UP BQ

My dad has resided in Keego Harbor for as long as I can remember. He needs a change and has decided to move north to closer to all of his brothers and sisters. This is an excellent plan, and will make visiting him much more pleasant when I don't have to contend with the drunk roommate, I refer to as the "boozy floozy."

Shane being the good older brother is doing the physical move, which left me to pack up my dad and his random household of crap. I started on Saturday and it took me all day just to clean out his bedroom and his closets, as we debated the merit of keeping each pair of dress pants.

5 bags later, we had a clothing donation pile that will outfit plenty of men for the winter, and my dad still has plenty of clothes, although all he wears lately is sleep pants.

I've honestly gotten better, but organization just isn't my strong suit, and I realized in the middle of it all, on Saturday as I was about to have a melt down, that I needed help. (My mom blames my premature birth for the fact that I can't do this sort of task).

Cousin Shannon immediately came to mind. She's great at this and she loves us both.
I texted her and she called the next day to say she'd be happy to help us.

I was so relieved, I almost cried. Last night we went over to pack up the rest of the condo.

My dad had a good time blaring gospel Elvis at level 7 on the stereo and then tried talking over it.

Shannon was fantastic. I think I did some stuff, but I have no illusions that she did the bulk of it. But we had a good visit while we worked, and I felt very lucky to have her in my life.

You know how a family member can laugh at you, but you know how much they love you?
We did a lot of that.

My loot for the evening: Several newish heavy duty pots and pans, a Quinlan Tree Service Shirt (in a style I didn't have), a cassette tape of Simon and Garfunkel, Live in Central Park, and a mouse from Apple for my laptop.

Shannon came away with a golf shirt for Ed my dad insisted she take, her own Quinlan Tree Service shirt, a french press, and the movie Cool Hand Luke.

Thanks Shannon for making an awful job fun and fairly stress free.

Love you

Textual Healing

For anyone that reads my blog, you're aware that my friend Nevada died. A month ago yesterday in fact. And that sucks. I've been filling up my phone with text messages of good will, humor and etc. So, I had to delete some and decided to share a few here.

October 17th- Day of Nevada's Memorial:

From Shane, my brother:
"Kelly you're a great friend, a special sister and a wonderful person."

From Jan, my friend who is a Brit and a friend of Nevada's as well:
"I am always here with an ear, a beer, or a hug. Don't hesitate anytime.

My Cousin Casey:
"I know it does, I'm sorry Kook. I wish I could do more for you. I love you, if there's anything I can do for you, let me know.

My cousin Lacy:
"Ok, I love you."

Becky
"Praying for you, Kel."

My cousin Shannon
"My heart is breaking for you, Kel."

Nevada's boyfriend Trevor, carrying on Nevada's quest to get me a date:
"Your goal should still be to drink yourself into a stupor--but to wake up on some random guy's couch instead of at home. Baby steps. :)

More from Trevor:
"I try to think of all the ways she changed my life for the better. Lately that's been more of comfort than sorrow."

Shane:
"Breathe, believe and revive"

My dad
"Love you more."

Shannon
"My pleasure. Wish I could do more!"

I DONT

I don't want to live and die in Detroit.
I don't want to only write about cars.
I don't want to be lonely anymore.
I don't want to ever forget how amazing Nevada was.
I don't ever want to forget the lessons she taught me, even if it takes years for them all to sink in.
I don't want to be a writer who never writes or publishes her book.
I don't want my dad to drink himself to death.
I don't want to push my friends and family away.
I don't want them to get upset when I do.
I don't want to sleep alone every night.
I don't want to undo all my healthy habits.
I don't want to gain a bunch of weight.
I don't want to dread the gym.
I don't want to stop beleiving in god.
I don't want to be a perky sales clerk at Hallmark.
I don't want my current clothing size to make me feel less worthy.
I don't want to lose myself in my grief.
I don't want to rush through the grief process.
I don't want to go on any more bad dates.
I don't want to put skim milk in my coffee.
I don't want to gossip about people.
I don't want to be perfect.
I don't want to cry all the time.
I don't want to give up on hope.
I don't want to beleive things will turn around and be severely dissappointed.
I don't want to go to another meeting.
I don't want to fall during yoga.
I don't want to give you my heart, if you aren't going to keep it safe.
I don't want to wear a sweater dress.
I don't want to be judged for eating milk duds and bacon for breakfast.
I don't want to envy others.
I don't want to watch reality shows.
I don't want to feel guilty for calling in for a mental health day.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to hurt myself.
I don't want to run a marathon.
I don't want to wear make up to work sometimes.
I don't want to eat food that comes "fresh" from a gas station.
I don't want to have credit card debt.
I don't want to ever stop eating chocolate.
I don't want to dress up for Halloween.
I don't want to depend on anyone.
I don't want to fake anything.
I don't want to engage in small talk.
I don't want to feel so utterly alone.

My Goodbye to A Wonderful Woman

Nevada Memorial Speech


I met Nevada when I came to work at Wunderman, an ad agency in Dearborn. I was the newest digital copywriter. Nevada was the only other female writer, so I was excited to meet her.

I noticed she had the same magnet on her cube wall that I had at home and decided to tell her, figuring it was a good ice breaker.

Nevada looked over at me, and snarled a snarky comment. I remember thinking,

“That girl dosen’t like small talk. Don’t speak to her, until you have something to say.”

I don’t really remember when it all changed. All I know is once we started talking we never shut up. We’re both Gemini’s and very chatty.

We spent our lunch breaks shopping for fencing material, fabric or at TJ Maxx, trying on all the crazy hats.

She knew how to dress herself and her friends. Whenever we shopped together, she’d pick out stuff for me and I’d tell her that’s not going to fit or that’s not going to look good. She’d insist I try it on anyway and it was always perfect.

This past March we went to Chicago to visit our friend Rina, and the two of them shoved me in a dressing room and kept insisting that I try on different dresses. Even though I’m older than both of them, they treated me like their little sister and liked telling me what to do:

“You will go out and drink all night. You will take a nap. You will talk to men at the bar. And worst of all, you will go out dancing.”

But they did it with such love, I couldn’t get upset with them for looking after me and that’s what Nevada always did.

Nevada liked to talk a lot, although not on the phone as any of her friends will tell you.
I wore her down after a while though.

She would talk to me on the phone whenever I needed her. One night in particular, I was having an anxiety attack late at night and I called Nevada. She talked to me for over an hour, until I was totally calm and could fall asleep peacefully.

Besides, she knew better than to allow me to text her while driving, so she allowed me to call her often.

Nevada was a pied piper for us all. Just look around. At least 5 of her friends started getting our haircut at Red in Birmingham by Sara after Nevada’s hair looked so great.

Thanks, Sara. (shameless plug. Red is located on Old Woodward).


Nevada’s infectious joy at being in love was evident, no matter how much she pretended otherwise. I remember the first time she got flowers at work, from Trevor. Orchids.

The look on her face, and her smile was one of somebody completely smitten, and when I said,

“Looks like he’s going to be around a while,”

Nevada played coy saying, “I’m not sure yet.”

I said, “You can pretend all you want, but it’s pretty clear this guy has gotten to you.”

Only with time, would we all understand how true that was.

And because she was in love and I’m single she wanted me to meet somebody and
she took it upon herself to be my online dating pimp.

Nevada set up a profile for me on Craig’s list and screened all the respondents and only forwarded ones that she deemed worthy. She told me, “ I knew you’d give up with the first penis picture.”

She was right. J I didn’t do any better in person. This summer, I’d come home from a weekend up north with my friend Connie, explaining we’d gone out to the bar. I’d refused a drink from a cute guy across the bar, because I didn’t think he’d bought it for me.

Nevada didn’t hesitate to tell me, “ You’re just a total moron, when it comes to men and dating.” And yet, that’s how she showed she cared. She had a way of insulting you but making you feel very loved at the same time. She made me see myself in unexpected ways.

I had the most fun with her than I did with anybody else. We’d laugh so hard at the stupidest things. Her and Trevor used to host the best parties. One of my favorites, was at her house in Detroit, she’d named it, “A Wino and Cheese Party.” All guests were asked to bring cheap wine and any orange cheese product, like Cheetos or Cheese Whiz. A big group of us sat in her backyard drank and ate processed cheese, until the wee hours.

Another thing we did all the time was walk. Now, I suppose they started out, as an exercise in fitness, but what they ended up as were our walking therapy sessions. Nevada charted out new projects, or gifts for friends, and we talked about nothing. That was everything.

Often, we walked to either Bastone or Black Lotus and ended up with beer or pizza. I don’t think we ever lost much weight, but we sure had a good time.

I could tell her anything. My heart was always safe in her company and vice versa.
Nevada was never judgmental, but was gifted at asking pointed questions, so you’d draw your own conclusions.

The last time I saw Nevada, she was about to leave for California, and I’d told her I’d take her shopping to get out of the house.
She told me that was cool, because they’d be celebrating Trevor’s birthday out there and she needed to get his gift.

After I’d brought her back to Trevor’s, we found him on the porch, having a drink and smoking a cigar. Nevada sat down on the porch and typed out specific instructions for me on how to care for her plants, while she was gone.

As I got up to go home, I said something about flying safe and being careful.

In her typical Nevada way, she said, “ Wouldn’t that be ironic if I died in a plane crash on my way to get brain surgery?”

I laughed, and said, “I don’t really want you and Trevor to check out like, Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper, so if you could just come back that’d be great.”

She laughed.

And then I hugged her goodbye.

I had no idea it would be the last time.

***************************************************

Nevada,

We used to joke about living in the nursing home together.

You teased, I’d be saying hi to everyone and you’d be grumpy to all that walked by.

I’m going to keep saying hi.

Because I know somewhere you’re answering hello.

Friends

Not a good sign. Insomnia = 2 a.m. blog entry.

Ah well, let's go with it. While I wait to get sleepy. Or re sleepy. Wait, is that a word? Doesn't matter. I have an audience of 2 and they will forgive me. :)

Went out tonight with Nevada's friend Barb who flew here from Oklahoma for the Michigan Memorial, after previously flying to the Oklahoma service. She kicks the dirt off her boots in Texas, normally.

Anyway, What a great friend to Nevada. And knowing that but nothing else made me like her right away. Then we all got to talk and laugh and I liked her even more. Kim and Tom joined us and it was awesome. It has struck me this week, how quickly I've bonded to Nevada's friends, considering we're all strangers.

One could argue we are all grieving and share a bond. I won't argue with that logic, but I think it's bigger than that. Nevada was very picky about whom she'd consider a friend. Maybe that's why she was so famously grumpy to many. It kept away people she didn't have to time for and the rest of us, were lucky.

There hasn't been a single fight, or any drama of any kind. That's not an easy thing when you put together 9 or 10 women in the same room that really don't know one another. But Nevada knew how to pick us.

We've all been on the same page. When a bunch of us met over the weekend at Trevor's house to clean it and get it ready for his arrival home, we discussed the memorial and other things to be done. We were tripping over ourselves to do the shopping or whatever. One person got a new shower curtain, somebody else coordinated airport runs, somebody else picked up a Guest Book, and we decided as a group who could make what dish to stock Trevor's fridge upon his return.

When other friends who aren't in the immediate area yet, heard about our plans, offers of money to help buy supplies poured in. We collected it as a group and in the end we decided to donate it to the MoyaMoya foundation. Perhaps we all felt the least we could do for Trevor was buy him some comfort food, while he finds his way without his dear Nevada.


I've been humbled all week by the absolute generosity of strangers, who don't feel like strangers but rather people who've been there all along. I have a passing knowledge of most because Nev and I talked about our lives and the people in it, all day, every day. Whether it was during one of our walks, over text, IM or email.

And it was never gossipy chat. Because Nevada never did that. She didn't need to. She let you know to your face what she thought so you never had to wonder what was said later.

I feel good because after I came back from dinner, I worked on her speech for the memorial. I'll do some editing in the morning, but I think I conveyed what I wanted to say. I read it aloud a few times and choked up in all the same spots, so at least on Saturday, I'll know when it's time to get my Kleenex.

I'll post it here after the Memorial for my two fellow blog readers. (Thanks 4th Street and Lacy).

These bonds are forming fast. Nevada would have liked that. She wasn't one for small talk and somehow when you're all gathering because of death, it's kind of silly to start conversations with, "Boy it's cold."

Our collective grief is comforting and heart breaking, as we come together to honor the life of a girl so brave and protective of others, that even in her death she gave all she had to others in her desire to be an organ donor.

Who ever has her heart, has all of ours too.

Thoughts from Nevada and Winnie the Pooh

Even when Nevada suffered many strokes and her passion, writing became difficult, she was still keeping a journal, which is a testament to her strength, passion, and love.

From Nevada's notebook 9-6-09

Friends. Make me feel sane and loved. Even on days I feel insane, unloveable, and downright unsmart. Bu I have to trust that because these quality people love me and care what happens to me that maybe I did turn out after all and that is a good thing. Sometimes life seems hard, but I can make it through with family and friends. Sometimes I seem frustrated or distant, but deep down I love them and care. Hopefully I do. Talbot and Michelle coming to Detroit this weekend meant a lot to me. And that gesture extends beyond them. It was an exclamation point on the travel, care and takers of friendship and love extended to everyone.
I am grateful.
I hope my gratefullness shows.
I hope they all take hugs and friendship as repayment... which i know they will.
I am glad I picked these friends.
I will try to write more tomorrow- its just too hard right now.


9-29-09
Night before the 1st Moyamoya surgery. This week has been full of tests since we arrived last Tuesday. Met Dr. Steinburg yesterday, he seems nice and knowledgeable. I'm in good hands. Remind me of that at 5 a.m when I'm in a full-fledged panic. Marna gave me a notebook from Aunt Tammie & Uncle Ron w/ notes from people at the Hitchcock church. Made me cry. Never have I felt so loved. By my family, friends, & people I don't know. Surgery is at 7:30 am tomorrow. Due at the hospital at 4:45 am. Time to sleep.


"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart,... I'll always be with you." - Winnie the Pooh

I'll Fly Away

Lyrics by Allisun Kraus

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

[Chorus]
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

[Chorus]
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

[Chorus]
I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

SAFE

My day started at 5 a.m.
I couldn't sleep. Had a good cry for a while and then a nap.
Pulled out my copy of Nevada's book yesterday and read the inscription she'd written for me.

Book is called, "Waiting for the Sunrise."

Nevada had written, "Kelly, each new sunrise is a chance to finish your book."

I know I'm going to have to put all my grief somewhere useful, and I'll start here and transition into something at a later date. I'm remembering all over again, how writing soothes me and it's a passion Nevada and I share.

At home today, I continued to search for tangible things that I can hold onto and she is all over my house. We hung out many a night drinking a few beers after our walks and I cooked her plenty of dinners, when we decided we were too broke to go out.

Looking at my bookshelves, I recognized a writing book she'd given me a couple birthdays ago. I opened it just now to a page that simply reads, "Safe."

Which means several things to me. One, I know it means she is safe, wherever she is wandering right now... probably stirring up trouble or telling a story to a captive audience.

Safe in the very literal sense of the word. Last year my dear godfather and uncle Joe passed away, and as a result I struggled immensely with anxiety. And it's not something you can easily share with others. If you think you're cracking up, you want to hide it. One night though, I found myself alone in my house and so very scared and I didn't know what to do, so I called Nevada.

The girl who didn't like to talk on the phone talked to me for a over an hour, defecting all my arguments.
Me:" But I lost my spare key outside."

Her: Is anything missing?

Me: No.

Her: So you just think somebody comes in when you're at work, watches tv and then quietly leaves before you get home?"

Me: Laughing. Well, when you put it like that... no.

She soothed me so by the time I hung up I was snuggled up on the sofa fast asleep.

But safe is the way I always felt with her. She was so strong and protective of me. Even though I'm older than her, she was always watching out for me. Whether it was making sure I'd drank enough water after we'd gone out, or she'd just gone head to head with a giant dude who tried to grab my butt while we were out dancing.

I'm not kidding. He was way bigger than her and she pushed him away from me, before I even knew he was there and told him to leave me alone. He wasn't backing down and neither was she.

He finally moved on and then she marched over to the group of guys he was with to tell them, "Your friend is an asshole." They all apologized. Later we found out, they didn't know the guy either.

But Nevada had a way of making even grown men tremble. And I certainly felt emotionally safe to share anything. And I do mean anything. I'm realizing just how many things she knew about me that even friends I've known for 20 years didn't know.

Because my heart was safe from scorn with her. And I was safe being myself. She didn't want me to be anyone else.

Now, don't get me wrong. When she thought I was being stupid, she'd say, " Don't be an idiot." Or stop acting like a moron... but she never made you feel stupid. It always ended up making me laugh.

She helped me see myself in unexpected ways. I hope I did the same for her.

Nevada please know, everyone that loves you and especially Trevor will keep you safe in our hearts forever.

The Wild Haired Oklahoma Girl

I have lost one of my very best friends and while I can hardly believe my beautiful soulful friend Nevada, isn't just a text message away anymore, I find myself searching for tangible things to hold onto.

I know over the next few months, hell even years, I'll talk of her and laugh about the things we've done and I'll share that here.
But for now, I'll simply post one of her blog entries. It sums her up pretty well.

Love to you, Nevada.


Below is her blog entry.


I vow to do the work. It's all I can do until the chance is given to begin my toils. And it is a work I will be happy in doing. I know the road is often long and hard, but any travel, no matter how difficult, is worth it if your companion is good.

So here's my promises:

I promise to...
Open my mind and let important people in.
Open my heart to the same.
Let down my walls in order to achieve true understanding.
Stand up for myself if need be.
Pursue outside interests on my own.
Encourage the pursuit of outside interests in the lives of those I love.
Collaborate and cultivate joint interests.
Step outside my comfort zone on my own.
Allow others to help me step outside of my comfort zones.
Communicate nearly obsessively to understand and be understood.
Argue, debate, discuss, but never put down or hurt intentionally.
Dance, laugh, sing, walk, travel and generally enjoy the life I have and the life I am capable of having.
Remember friends both old and new.
Meet new people.
Be silly, have fun, find my inner child and give her a huge hug.
Better myself in my career, in my finances, in my home, in my life, in my relations.
Let go of fear.
Strive for and respect individuality.
Be a little more selfish and a little less shy.
Remember to bend so I don't have to break.
Expect more and strive for more.
Try new things and never let the ruts of comfort get too deep.
Offer unending, unconditional friendship.
Believe in the future and never lose sight of the next beautiful moment because I'm focused on the end of the journey.

And most importantly, LOVE deeply, sincerely, justly, and unconditionally.

Un Inspired

I'm feeling a bit jittery. I blame the Starbucks coffee they sell in the cafe in my building. I even got the mild blend, to no avail. Such as it is. At least I got a decent night sleep last night, which is always a bonus.

Life has been less than stellar lately, but all I can say about that is at least I'm still here.

Not much news, I was hoping this blog post would help me get my brain unstuck so I can concept, but it seems all I do at work lately is go to an endless series of meetings about projects with still too vague parameters.

Alas, what can I do? Except sit and my desk and type out sentences?

GLEE

I'm delighted to report that after months dry tv viewing, (with a few exceptions like Mad Men) I watched a show last night that I think I'll really enjoy.

It's called Glee, about a bunch of misfits in high school in you guessed it, the Glee Club.

View the trailer and come back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzWrnsASi3c

This was only the second episode, so I'm sure it will smooth out any rough spots, but I'm enjoying it so far. Maybe because I relate to the misfits way more than I ever related to the jocks or cheerleaders or popular kids.

Sometimes, it's just nice to have a little escape from the recession, the unemployment rate, my walking wounded friends, and just sit back and laugh. Careful, or I may even sing.

Play that Funky Music White Girl

My list is still in the works... but here is what I have so far. It's turning into a neat little writing exercise and I can see some of this material working its way into my memoir.

Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of, they musically shaped your world. They stood up, they lasted, they mattered.

They still matter, in some way (even if only in memory). W

Ok here goes. A warning. Randomness shall ensue.

1. Kindergarten Round Up: Or some such name. My brothers and I got an orange record player and this was I believe my first "official album." Lots of sing along songs about sharing and snacks, if I recall.

2. Jesse's Girl: Oh, how I wanted to be Jesse’s Girl. I loved Rick Springfield and I asked for this album for my 6th birthday. My dad delivered Rick in his white tank top, and I didn't even know that was weird.

3. The Beatles- The album with I want to hold your hand. It got a ton of airplay at my house. Down in our basement. Later when my cousin Colleen used to babysit we pretended we were the Beatles. I was Paul, she was always George. Revolution and Back in the USSR were favorites.

4. Quiet Riot- Cum on Feel the Noise- This was one of Shane's first albums, and I really liked the song when I was about 8. Again, no context to what I was listening to. I just knew it was fun to hop around on the couch and bang my head up and down- cause it was fun.

5.The Go Go's- We Got the Beat. This 45 rocked. Shane would jam it out the window when we lived on South Hill in Milford. Happy times. Happy music.

6. Judy Collins- Send in the Clowns- Not happy. My mom used to listen to this album and whenever I heard it, I knew she was really sad. Post divorce, that first year. This song still makes me cry.




7. Annie and Grease- The soundtracks to both. We owned these two tapes and we rotated them all the time. I always wanted to hear Annie but Shane and Bj liked Grease more. I loved Grease too, but Annie rocked in her own Orphan way. This was post divorce too and there was a sense of freedom and fun, whenever we piled into our rusty white Toyota Corolla.


8.Bob Seger’s Greatest Hits: I was a junior in college. And I listened to this tape over and over driving from Big Rapids back to Milford in my grandpa’s Oldsmobile Wagon. I was 20 and really didn’t want a station wagon, but then how do you turn down a free car? Three hours of Bob and I never grew tired of his “Night Moves.”

9. Alanis Morrisette- Her Jagged Little Pill was the rage all over campus. It was my first introduction into female angry lyrics and it helped me deal with my crush on the cheerleader who didn’t like me back. And yes, he was a male cheer-leader.

10. Poison’s- Talk Dirty to Me. When I was in the eighth grade, this song was so awesome. I loved it and would pretend to sing it into the vacuum in the morning before I left for junior high.

11. Madonna- Crazy for You, Like a Virgin, Borderline, Material Girl. All of them played on in the background of my junior high slumber party existence.

12. Which brings me to the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack. I loved this album. Maybe as much as the movie. I loved it so much in fact, that when a concert tour came to Pine Knob, my mom took me to see it. What a lady!

13. 1984- A Van Halen album. My first rock and roll crush, Eddie Van Halen. I was in awe of this guitar playing skills.

Father Daughter Bonding

Yesterday afternoon, I called my dad to see if he wanted to have a visit.
My cell phone battery was low, so I called from my office phone.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi Dad. How are you?
Dad: Not feeling so well today. I don't think we should waste a visit.
Me: Ok, I didn't sleep well and should probably go home anyway.
Dad: Is that a man in the background? Do I hear a man?
Me: Yes, I'm at work. I work with lots of men, dad.
Dad: Oh, I thought maybe you had a boyfriend. Wishful thinking I guess.

Costco and Other Things

I'm back to work after another delightful trip up to the Lake Leelanau area. Rachel, and her kids and I trekked up on Friday and returned Monday night.

Dog parades, complete with a celebrity sighting, a trip to the beach, the Lighthouse at the state park, a good time was had by all. (Aidan Quinn and the chef, Mario Batalli.)

I hope we get to do it again. Perhaps in the fall? We'll have to see how it goes.

The work day is happily flying by and soon I'll be free. Rachel and I taking a trip to Costco tonight to fill up her new freezer. I suspect I'll spend a lot of my time in front of the book table, itching to buy 4 but will allow 1 if I really want it. I don't need any books though. But that's not going to stop me.

In other news, my toes are in serious need of grooming in the way of a pedicure. I'm thinking maybe this weekend? Again, I'm playing it by ear.

Hoping to get a visit with my friend Nevada too. She's resting at home again too, but I'm not sure when she'll be up for company.

An ode to Leelanau and Old Friends

This past weekend I spent time doing two things I love. Hanging out with my very best friend. So where you ask?

In Lake Leelanau on the Leelanau peninsula.

Four whole days. C. and took off from her house on Friday morning and headed north. About an hour into our drive, we decided to stop off for some shopping at Birch Run. I scored some of my very pricy face wash for mega cheap, and she talked me into buying this very cool ring, that I'm enjoying right this very second.

After that we just drove and drove. But the long ride is fun with the right company. C and I could talk for days with out stopping, of this I'm quite sure.

Once we arrived at my mom's we unloaded the car, and then had a snack out on the deck. My mom came home shortly after and the three of us headed out to dinner.

The name of the restaurant escapes me, but we had a lovely dinner outside with a view of the water and the food was delicious and tasty drinks. After dinner, we went to Music in the Park in Northport and listened to music.

We were tired from our drive after that, so we headed home and caught up on all the episodes of Entourage.

Saturday morning we awoke to some gray weather, but C and I got up and went out for coffee and hot tea. When we got back, we got ready to go to the art show in Suttons Bay.

I bought a beautiful photo of a beach in Empire and C. bought a few pictures for her house too. After our art fair we walked around and looked at all the shops in SB.

We came home then for a snack a little rest before we went out again. I was tired but C talked me into going out to the bar.

Around 10 pm, we headed out. And ended up running into my cousin M. who was just getting off work. We got drunk on this new wine/mead that tastes like cherries, but really packed a punch.

Sunday the sun was bright but the wind was fierce. But we didn't let that stop us from going to my favorite Beach at Good Harbor. Before that, we picked up sandwiches at The Cheese Shanty. Two words for you: Pretzel Bread.

Makes the best sandwich ever! We walked on the beach, read our books and soaked up sun. I managed to get a little sunburned even with sunblock. It's a gift, I swear.

We stayed at the beach most of the day and into early evening. Came home, ate dinner and headed out for another drink, just to mix up the scenery.

Monday we got up, got ready and went to breakfast. After that, with full bellies, we drove to the state park. We wanted to go on a hike on the walking trail, which was beautiful. The only problem? It had rained pretty heavily the night before, so the mosquitios were biting full force. Even with bug spray.

I've got a few bites on the back of my neck. We then stopped at a U-Pick flower place, where it's self serve and you pay by the honor system.

After that, it was sadly time to pack up and go home.

I had a great time because the trip itself was the right amount of fun and downtime, and lots of variety, but mostly because I got to spend 4 days with my very best friend, and I feel so lucky for that.

Despite the husband and now 2 year old son, she still has time for the girl she taught how to curl her hair.

Us vs. Them

My job is odd sometimes. Like right now, I'm sitting in my own cubicle trying to write about a new safety feature for a Lincoln. That's my job. To write a video script about said feature.

The problem is that right across the aisle from me are a pack of account people. And they talk insanely loud. I know us creative types get the bad rap. We dress more casually, we may come in a little later etc. But when we get here, we all retreat into our own little worlds with our own ipods so we can listen to our own soundtracks, and do what we do.

Which doesn't include: TALKING AT THIS VOLUME ALL DAY AND THEN CACKLING WITH LAUGHTER.

Who knew that making power point presentations could be oh so loud?

Rachel and Derek

I am beside myself with sadness, grief,and disbelief.

My good friend Rachel, her husband Derek passed away on Saturday. He was 35 years old. And as I type this, I'm still not believing it's true. It can't be.

Rachel and I went to high school together, but we became good friends after it was over. We used to spend Saturday mornings working together at this little dry cleaner in Milford.

With nothing to do but tag clothes, we talked about our lives. It wasn't too long into our Saturdays that Rachel mentioned she'd met a guy, Derek. They met classic with a twist.

At a cheesy dance bar in Waterford that we all used to frequent. But Derek was a bartender and Rachel was a coat check girl.

She told me later, he knew that night that he wanted to marry her. They dated and they really just seemed to click. I remember Rachel telling me the engagement story. They'd had dinner at home. Derek then pulled out the ring, and asked Rachel to marry him.

Typical of us females she started crying and immediately said yes. The part of the story that stuck out and still resonates, is that Derek asked,

"Aren't you going to look at the ring?"

To which Rachel replied, "I don't care about the ring."

It was classically beautiful and elegantly simple.

Our talks turned from dating to wedding plans.

At this point, Rachel and I were close but I wondered if she'd invite me to the wedding. As I'd wondered this one Saturday, it turns out Rachel was waiting to talk to me in person.

She not only wanted me to be at the wedding, she wanted me in the wedding.

I was so honored to be included in such a grand manner, and it was my first time I'd ever been asked to be a brides maid.

You've heard of Bridzella? Rachel was the complete opposite of this. She went out of her way to make everything go as smooth as possible. And it was dress shopping that I first met Derek.

For some reason, when I get nervous I tend to swear a lot and this particular day, I kept swearing. So Derek started giving me a hard time and telling me, I better not swear at his wedding. After that, the two of us were off and running.

I quickly learned this is how Derek expressed himself to people he liked. On their wedding day, a guy at the bar, asked how do you know Derek?

I replied, "He just married my friend Rachel." I still have fond memories of cruising around in the Hummerzine, after the wedding. Rachel and Derek were married on the day of the Woodward Dream Cruise, so it was chaotic good fun.

And Rachel being the friend she is, wanted to make sure I would be able to get home from the wedding the next day. You see, I had a horribly old and unreliable car.

I'm guessing that's how I ended up riding back from the wedding night with Derek driving, Rachel upfront and myself and Derek's dad in the back seat. (this was the next morning).

I endured more teasing from Derek. Something about crashing his wedding night, but I knew by now he was being sarcastic. I think you either got his humor or you didn't.

Rachel and Derek moved to Royal Oak and about this time, I went to Atlanta to go back to school.

Rachel and I stayed in touch and visited whenever we could, whenever I was back in Michigan.

By the time I'd moved back to Michigan and later, Royal Oak, Rachel and Derek had two kids, a girl and a boy.

Oddly, I ended up living only two miles away. I was invited into the family fold. Birthday parties, dinners, barbeque's on the deck in the summer. And it was nice.

I enjoyed the feeling of family and togetherness whenever I visited the house.

Sure, it was crazy with lots of commotion and constant movement, but the feeling that resided above all of that was a unified family and the love, affection and teasing they all shared, together.

And I was always welcome. It was sure nice for me, since I'm single and sometimes it was nice to hang out with the two of them. I'm not Oliver Twist or Annie, and I have my own family, but a friend family is different.

Because you pick them. You choose to hang out. I remember last winter calling Rachel late on a Friday night, to see if I could come over. A creepy guy was following me around while I shopped. Rachel said of course, and I came over.

I was greeted with Derek, thanking me for "luring the killer right to his front door."

How I will miss that. He was always making me laugh and he was such a kind man. That was obvious anytime he played with his children.

And I appreciated how much he clearly loved Rachel. The way they just fit. I never worried about anything coming between them. It was obvious they really loved each other and because of that, could conquer any advervisty that came their way.

It was inspiring to watch, and it reminded me to never settle. The right one will come along. And he did for Rachel.

And now he is gone.

My heart is aching for Rachel, for Derek, and for his children.

He will live on in those that loved him, but how I long to hear him joke around just once more.

I'll do my best to be there for Rachel and her children.

Maybe one day, she'll even laugh again.

Until then, I'll help her cry.

I'm Praying. Will You?

Sometimes life doesn't make sense.

One of my very good friends is facing the possibility of living life without her husband. He's only 34.

I don't know what else to say. He's in the hospital right now but things aren't looking good. I don't know where to put this angst, so I'm going to have to find a way to channel it.

Please say a prayer, a chant, or anything you can think of for Derek, Rachel's husband.

And say one for his two kids.

I keep wishing this was a tv movie of the week, but so far nobody is saying cut.

Fabulous Seattle

I'm back from visiting my friend Barrie in Seattle. It turned out to be one of the best vacations I've ever had. There was just the right blend of activity and downtime. I went on a hike and yes, fell down. But I'm fine. Saw a concert with a guy who sings like Johnny Cash, named Vince Mira. Stood right near the stage, and it was awesome.

Then I saw history being made as Barrie got 380 in Ski-ball. It was amazing. Saturday we trolled around downtown Seattle, and later went on a mini walk a thon to see some Fire works at this park, called Gasworks. Sunday was a lady spa day complete with a massage.

Monday was a tour of the library, a gungy bar called Shorty's, sushi, ice cream and yet another beautiful park. Monday morning it was lattes and cupcakes for breakfast at this little shop in Ballard, near Barrie's house.

It was the perfect anecdote to my stressed out life here at home. I actually slept great the whole time, ate fairly healthy, did a lot of walking and talking, drank a lot of yummy coffee, and just enjoyed hanging out without having a lot to do.

I also met Barrie's boyfriend Dominic, who was very friendly. It's always a little scary to be some body's guest because you never know how it's going to turn out.

No worries here. All went amazingly well. I'm going to hold this positive mood tightly in my grasp for a few more days.
And some-how block out the fact that I came home to a $1200 car repair, and jury duty.

Barrie and I were already discussing my next trip which is a lovely thought. Let me just pay off this car bill first.