Cleaning Out My Closet

I'm sorry to tell you that this blog wan't include any snappy rhyming from Eminem, but I'm even whiter than he is, so consider yourself lucky.

Anyway, that's what I did this weekend. Cleaned out my closets in order to get my upper flat in order. I'm well on my way now. I've painted. I've cleaned. I'm working on the organization. And after that, all I really need is some furniture. Specifially a couch to start. I do have someplace to sleep.

I love my bed. It's been sad leaving it in the mornings. Especially now that I've outfitted it with flannel sheets, it is so cozy and snuggly.

And that's a sad commentary when my flannel sheets make me feel so happy. I guess it's the little things that have to get you through.

That's it for now. Good productive weekend. I even bought a plastic tool box to keep my hammer and 2 screwdrivers in. I'm sure I'll need more tools, but it's hard to get too worked up over Craftsman tools. If something breaks, I don't know how to fix it anyway, so what's the point?

I know. I should be self sufficient and all that good stuff, but it'd be nice to have built in handy man power, but if I had that, I'd be spending my weekends teaching classes at Home Depot.

Bedtime

I went to sleep at 9 pm last night. And I'm not 7 years old anymore. I don't know what came over me. Not that I'm an adult, I can officially go to bed at 3 am if I chose, but instead I fall asleep involuntarily before the 10:00 news. When did this happen? I remember when I was little that I hated bedtime, and would fight to stay up an hour later to catch Moonlighting or Night Rider. What a cool car, and that crazy Kit. But enough about my tv viewing.

I guess I was tired, and that's fine. I blame the weather. It's dark by 5, I don't have cable, and it's cold outside, so I sleep. Maybe I'm depressed, although lately, I do not feel at all depressed...so that's not it.

Whatever it is, it's good to get your rest I guess. I'm going to some random YMCA with Barrie after work, which ought to be interesting. It'll be just like our Colonial Homes work outs. It never seemed fun at the time, but now that we don't do it anymore, I kinda miss it. Maybe if I join the Y, Barrie and I can gossip on the exercise machines again, and a good time will be had by all.

Send in the Clowns

Cloudy days make me tired. They also make me want to hunker down with a book and a fuzzy blanket. But since neither is an option while I'm at work, I'll have to just drink my ooffee. I have a meeting in a hour. A meeting that will lead to a conceptual project, so for that I'm excited.

Not much news on the home front. I forgot to take out my garbage last night, so I woke up this morning, and ran outside in plaid pajama pants, flip flops, and a white tee-shirt. Look out single men, cause I look HOT in the morning. Most days I wake up looking like a 2nd or 3rd tier rock star reject. Some days it's Joan Jett or Pat Benatar. Once it was Eddie Munster. My hair just does this wierd swirly thing, which I can't control.

Plus, it's going to be hard to cozy down on the lawn furniture in the living room. This to will change sometime soon, I hope. This gray day is almost over. Which means I can go to the Hallmark store to get my friend Kari a birthday card. I love the smell of the hallmark store. It's like a warm blanket all in its own.

Decorating is Great

Actually the theory of decorating is what is cool. Better still is having the money to do some decortating. Considering that I'm still siting on lawn chairs in the living room, I've clearly got a way to go. I did however buy a new shower curtain last night and it is quite exciting.

It's my first fabric curtain with a nod for my delight of all things quirky and has a circle pattern all over in a pretty creme on aqua. My friend is a an interior designer though, and she was just giving me a hard time on the phone, about the fact that I changed the shower curtain, cause it's not the one that she picked out.

Well, we're not dating, and I want to pick out my own shower curtain. She keeps talking down to me, but I guess we all have our faults. I'm not some stupid person who has no idea what I'd like to do in my own house. So put that in your desinger pipe and smoke it. It occurs to me, she may actually read this, but then I highly doubt it.

As far as blogs go this one needs some work, but then so does my house. All in good time.

I may not have a couch yet, but at least I've got someplace cool to bathe. Maybe I'll just invite company into the bathroom, cause at least it's pretty and there's someplace to sit.

Rusty Nails require a shot in the foot

Today is a new day and already better than yesterday. Hooray. I swear I'm not trying to rhyme everything. Not at all. To have a good morning, I just time to myself and a little coffee, and some blogging time.

So, I have recently moved into my own apartment. It was time. This isn't not offically an apartment though. It's called a flat. I live in the upper part, which means it's really hot. I don't have any living room furniture, so that makes it uncomfortable. The plastic lawn furniture.

I do have free cable currently, so that's something. Rescue Me is on Tonight, and I'm oh so happy. It's a very well written show.

I went to a family wedding over the weekend in Roscommon. Very interesting. This place is stuck in a time warp. Draft beer for 75 cents. Mixed drinks, 1.75. How can you beat it? They didn't take debit cards though. Only checks or cash.

There was a fun jukebox, and my Uncle Paul and my Cousin Pat both made out with the same drunken girl. Which we at least weren't related to. At one point Uncle Paul came back to the table with his shirt ripped down to his navel. A good time was had by all.

Tonight my mission is to get my living room into shape, and find someplace to put all the boxes. Not sure where they can go, since the only storage area I've got is a hole in the closet.

I'm a little scared to put Christmas decortations in there. What if a stray rodent chews Santa's face off?

That's it for now. I'm rusty at this blog thing, but I'm trying to get back in the saddle.

Wish It was Mine

Cupid Shooting Spree Leaves Dozens Infatuated - 4 hours ago

I thought this was really funny. To bad I didn't think of it. But that's why I don't work at the Onion. I just say strange things that people say is strange. But if I worked there, I be getting paid for such strangness.

Oh well. It brings up a question. What makes people fall in love? Do they like each other's scent like dogs who sniff in the park? I'm not being jerky, I'm really curious what is it that makes one person fall madly in love with another person? Is it because they have a shared love of mini golf and plaid pants? I'd say if that was a passion of yours you should certainly pay attention if you find somebody else who is willing to don the plaid. Go for it, my fashionably challenged friend.

Or is it their shared desire for the boyfriend not wearing his pants. This makes some activties easy to transistion into, but it might be a damper if you try and go to the movies and spill hot buttered popcorn on your privates. Not quite sure what privates has to do with buttered corn, but I'd sure get my own bucket of corn. You just don't know where his hand has been, if he's been naked all day. And think about sticking to those movie seats. I'm sure you're not the first person to sit there. Naked.
And with that, Enjoy the Show.

TWO

Hump Day

That's what Wednesday is called. I guess. I have never uttered the phrase Thank God it's Hump Day with any serious meaning, and I don't think that anyone should for that matter. Unless you want to be laughed and scorned at.

Back at work. Back to the headlines that I'm struggling with, but I feel like today is going to be a break-through. I feel it. Mostly because they are due tommorow.

Just can't get too stressed about them or nothing will happen. And every time I think that, it reminds me of my Creative Writing class at Portfolio Center where Sam made us read the Tao of Pooh. Who wants to make a wager that those people were on drugs that based Taoism on Winnie The Pooh? What's next? Oscar the Grouch and the Deepak Chopra?

Maybe it's too early for me to be witty. Either way, I'm going to do some headlines.

Everything sucks

How can I title something, when I don't even have anything noteworthy to say? Which begs the question why am I even blogging? Because I can't think of any good headlines, and I'm sick of checking my Yahoo account to see if I have mail from any new potential roommates.

My current roommate is leaving, and she's really put me in a bind, which ultimately will be good that she is leaving, because she really pisses me off. So far, my roommate fore-runner is some guy who makes fake limbs. I'm thinking that is a little creepy. So, I'm still on the hunt. It shouldn't be that difficult, but it is not a dorm, and the older you get, the harder it becomes to find random strangers to live with you. It's not the Real World. I don't have a huge fish tank, or a pool table. But what I do have is a washer and a dryer, and a dishwasher.

That's just as good, right? Apparently it's not.
C'mon. I'm a nice person. Cheap rent. As for the current roommate, well she's just dumb as a door knob. Oh, the other person who wants to live with me is 58. Isn't that a little odd?

And it feels like late fall, and it's not. Dammit. No pretty fall leaves.

Not a Manic Monday

It's another gray day here in Michigan. Amazing what a little sun will do for a person's dispostion. I'm feeling very tired in spite of the fact that I got plenty of sleep last night and went to the gym this morning before I came to work.

That usually propels me forward with some type of energy, but that doesn't seem to be happening today. I did manage to get my Easter cards out in today's mail. I'm a big fan of cards and reasons to send them, but lately I wonder if I'm going to become one of those crazy old ladies who can't stop themselves from doing all of the following on a certain holiday:

A. Sending out cards to friends and family
B. Buying a themed T-shirt to commerate said Holiday
C. Themed socks

And is this even bad? I don't know. I love holidays. I love cards. Sending them makes me happy because I think about the people I care about, getting a piece of mail that isn't a bill or junk. I know myself when I get something in the mail, it makes me feel happy. Especially if you've had a bad day--it cheers you up. And if it's been a good day, it just makes for an even better day.

I've never gotten any complaints about being thoughtful so I guess I'll carry on. The only person who ever made fun of me, was somebody I used to be friends with. We were at a funeral for a mutual friend, and I made the mistake of giving him a sympathy card. He made fun of me. It was then and there, that I decided we didn't need to be friends anymore.

On a side note, I was flipping through the channels yesterday and actually caught a woman giving birth, and they were pulling a slimy headed baby out of her. I'm sorry but it looked really gross. How come they make such a big deal about a naked butt on NYPD Blue, but there's no discussion about a baby birth?

Strange. It's not my place to say. Let me just say it really can curb an appetite like nothing I've ever seen.

Let's hope Tuesday is a rock-fest.

St. Patricks Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day my fellow Irish,and to anybody who has a drinking problem on this holiday. It pretty much makes you Irish. :)

This year my St. Patrick's Day will be less festive than it has in year's past. I may enjoy a cocktail or two from my living room. The good news is the couch is green, so that makes it festive, not pathetic.
In year's past, I've had a little more crazy times. Like the time I was in college, and I was wearing a green bra, and the bartender announced that the next person to show him their bra, got a free drink. I was just drunk enough that the power of suggestion was strong. I got half way up to the bar, and realized I didn't really want to flash a bartender for a luke warm glass of Miller High Life. I Narrowly held onto my dignity, until I sat down next to this guy, I swear I'd never seen before, who kept kissing me on the cheek. Only to realize in the morning he was in fact in my first class,and I'd never talked to him before.

Then there was the year I was on a business trip in Chicago, and my boss and I ran into this bar and slammed a bunch of those green shooter things, and when we left, I almost got hit by a taxi on Michigan Avenue.

And last year, I was in Chicago again visiting my friend Carl. We drank all day and ate corned beef. It was fun. No death cabs that time. And I got to see the Chicago river died green. I wonder if they ever dunk the Incredible Hulk in there?

Erin Go Braugh.

Kelly Rose Quinlan

Oh Scarf Why do You Hate Me?

Ok. I almost choked myself driving home last night. First of all it's winter in Michigan which means that even though it's March 9, a scarf was required if one didn't want their neck to be a frozen pole. So I was wearing this very cool scarf that Barrie knitted for me. The thing is, it's quite long, and I really love it. But as I was driving home, I realized that I had slammed the car door on said scarf, as I was wearing it.
And driving 55 miles per hour on Telegraph road. Let me clarify for you:

Half of said scarf was around my neck, while the bottom half was dragging on the ground outside the car, trying it's damnest to pull me to the asphalt to my death.

Luckily for me, I discovered my error after a few short miles and was able to open the door to retreive my scarf. Durable thing too. Not looking any worse for wear, and I awoke with my head still attached to my body so life is good.

Wash Rinse Repeat

I've reached the end of my relationship rope with the roommate. It would seem that the beau has nothing better to do with his evening than watch Tonya wash clothes. So, he'll be coming over this evening. At least I'll be gone hopefully through the spin cycle. I almost hope it's code for something else, but I don't know. We don't even have a laundry room. Yikes.

It's gonna be a fun night. I feel more like a Zombie with every passing hour, as I'm going on Day 2 with no sleep. Maybe she's going to wash some pants for him, so he can leave her room someday.

To all the Jobs I've Had Before

Ok. I'm supposed to be writing headlines for air filters and since I don't even understand their real purpose, I have decided to create instead, another Haiku for my friend Becky.

She had a tire blow-out on her way to work. She got it fixed real fast by Belle Tire. I feel it's ok to give them a little promo.

Tires all blown to shit.
can't drive 55, if I try.
Belle's got my back, yo.

Might as well write one about air filters too.

Mopar is the bomb.
Filters air till it's real clean.
Generic won't do.

So there. Maybe I should present that to my CD's and see what they think of that as a headline. Oh, CD is a Creative Director for those of you who are not immersed in a world where CD, AD, Hot, re-purpose, Outside the box means something to somebody. I'm a CW.

Funny thing is a lot of people never understand what that means. I don't work in a copyright office. I write crap that 95% of the general public will ignore or throw away. The thing is, I love it.

I've had other jobs with interesting titles. I've been a courtesy clerk at Kroger which was a nice way of saying, "Peon that collects carts in the rain." Attendent at the laundrymat code for "Wash other people's dirty clothes." Straightner was an all time low. AKA- "Walking around K-Mart all day like some crazy person with OCD. Straighten toilet paper. Tidy vitamins. Fuck. Somebody's been fondling the nylon display you spent all morning fixing, so do it again."

I really can't complain about the job I've got now. I really do like it. Sure it hurts my head sometimes but I've been here almost a year, and no one has ever asked me to collect any carts or wash any strangers underwear. You know you've really made it, when your job doesn't require either a name tag or a polyester smock of some kind.

Hair nets optional.

Here we Go Again

I know that's the title of that WhiteSnake song,but it is fitting today. The roommate's boyfriend will once again be visiting us this weekend. Actually to be more specific, he's visiting my roommate's bedroom. Last time, I never saw them come out of it once. Tonya told me later that it was because her boyfriend didn't bring any pants and he's kinda modest, so he just stayed covered up. You know, I don't care. If he's going to be spending days at a time in my bathroom he might as well, flash me too. Add some excitement to the weekend.

The good news is I won't be home this evening, so I'll be missing night one of Suckfest. Actually,I was going to have a girls evening with my friend Connie, but that now has somehow transpired into meatless spaghetti dinner with her and her husband. So another couple to mix it up. Except these guys have been together for a while, so I won't get to watch them make out and coo at each other. Bummer. I do love that. Not to worry, there will be plenty of that going on, when I get home.

It's a little game of cat and mouse. The three us spend our time wishing the other one would go someplace. The ultimate dream will be when the boyfriend gets a job, and buys himself his very own love-shack--and then I'll be blissfully alone. Not pretending I'm alone, while people are making out in the next room. Maybe I should really consider that whole peeing on the couch thing. It sounds more appealing with each passing week.

I HAIKU DO YOU

In honor of the man who invented the Crash Test dummy, I've prepared a haiku for him.
He died.

Crash Test Dummy Haiku

Bendy, taught us lots
Belt buckles are a good thing
Crashing cars was fun.

We'll miss you, Mr. Safety seat-belt guy. You did a good job making sure that people buckle up. I always wear my seat belt. And I've walked away from a few car accidents, so that says something.

Good Job.

And here's a haiku about Las Vegas because my friend Becky has been there this week, making it harder for me to procrastinate during my work day.

Vegas haiku:

Bright lights big city
Strippers, dancers, neon burns hot
Flashing, flashing, Go.

Oh Happy Day

I realized that in order to have a successful blog, I need to be more Free to be Me. Although the last blog where I was really free, was when I ranted about happy couples, which is part of today's topic too.

The roommate, her name is Tonya just told me last night that the new boyfriend will be spending the weekend with us. And I do mean the whole weekend. He lives about a half an hour away, but he might as well live, 8 hours away. He brings a bag, and all his crap, and my roommate turns into a 1950's housewife, which trust me is not her normal MO. She cooks and cleans the whole time he's there, except for when they're holed up in her love cocoon on her bed, with the door closed. And trust me, I'm thankful the door is closed, but the whole situation is just wierd. They spend all their "date nights" hanging out with the dude's dad, and his girlfriend. That's when they aren't playing cribbage. Who under the age of 60 plays that game?
And this is the official Valentine Weekend, or for single people we call it Saturday,and Yep, I'm still alone. Why don't we get a day to celebrate the fact that so far, we haven't shackled ourselves to some slob who sits on the couch and scratchs himself? I should be so lucky. It's the grass is black on my side, and green as can be over there. It's not true. Most of the couples I know are not Zened out on some high Nirvana all the time. I usually hang up from their calls, and think, I'm not really missing anything, and I still control my remote control all the time.
I don't really need a Holiday to make me feel bad about being alone. I did that last week, and there weren't any flowers or candy.
My blog may sound like the opposite, but I'm not actually that upset about being single at the moment. It does have its moments of satisfication.

Like I can do whatever I want. All the time. No kids to worry about, so if I see a cute pair of shoes, and decide to spend my grocery cash on them, the only one who gets affected is me. Sure, I have to eat cereal for dinner for days after, but really it's worth it. Sometimes a cute pair of shoes can really put a happy skip in your day. Or if I decide to get drunk for no reason, that's ok too. Some might say that's a cry for help, but sometimes nothing beats a good buzz, and nowhere to go. So I try and take joy in it.

Bathroom Behavior

Hello there.

I'm not going get into some big graphic disscussion about what goes on bathrooms. I'll leave that to experts other than myself. But I would like to comment on public bathrooms.

Here's the thing: When you're in the bathroom and somebody knocks on the door, you don't have to answer because you're on the toilet. Obviously, that's why you have the door locked. Otherwise the door wouldn't be locked, and you rude person on the other side of the door could come in freely.

I used to fall for this trick, and I'd yell to the person someone is in here. Well, no shit. That's why you can't come in you impatient bastard.

So my advice is "Don't Answer the Knock." In case they're impatient and stupid, they'll figure out somebody was in there as soon as I come out.

Wait your turn. And resist the knocking. Sometimes it's not opportunity. It's just stupid.

It ain't Easy being Green

I'm not actually green. I'd like to get that out of the way right now.

But I did wear green today. Because my eyes are hazel which means they're brownish green for those of you who think Hazel is just the name of Julia Roberts kid or something. Anyway, feeling snappy till I got to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. My right eye is mad at me. That's the only explanation I've got for why it's all red in the corner. Contacts could be a factor, who the hell knows?

All I know is that my right eye is mad at me. It's been giving me the red eye treatment for a week or so. Even when I make them look through my nerdy glasses, it didn't seem to help. Oh well. I guess until it falls out of head or swells shut, I'm not gonna worry about it.

What a Feeling

At first there was nothing.....

Does anyone else hear the theme to Flashdance in their head when they think of going to the gym? I do, but probably because my friend Barrie made me some gym cd's, and that's one of my songs.

Problem is this: I have the gym membership, I've got the shoes. I just can't wake up. I was doing well before the holidays. I've been trying to get there 5 days a week. This week so far, I'm 0 of 3. So tommorow, I'll make it. I feel better when I go, and obviously realize that I'll get in shape much faster if I put down the cookies and hop on the treadmill.

I want to be in shape for the spring. I don't like being heavy, but right now all the clothing is kind of bulky anyway, but come spring it's all out there. And I want to be ready. I know I can do it. Last time I lost 30 pounds.

Getting up is half the battle. Since I've put it out in the cyber universe I'll make it hold water. Especially since I was driving around with my tennis shoes in my car today, and they are mocking me.

Why Cell Phones Suck

My friend Amy called me on her cell phone, but she couldn't hear me, so I ended up yelling in her ear and then she got mad at me and hung up. I didn't know she hung up, and I had apologized but she missed the whole thing. That's the thing about cell phones. They cut you off at the worst times. Don't ever try and have a heart-felt conversation because as soon as you reach the climax of what you were calling for........I find myself really having fee....... that's the moment the folks at Nextel will decide that you didn't mean to tell that childhood friend that you've fallen in love with them. They are either sadistic bastards who want you to build up the courage that has taken you 20 years to get and call him back, or they are angels in disguise who are saving you from the utter humiliation of making such a grand declaration.

I'm thinking they've got a twisted sense of humor. Because the phone never cuts you off in the middle of a conversation with your mother when she is warning you about the dangers of visiting an ATM late at night, or asking if you've started your new diet yet, or if you're sure that you should go on that interview.

I think all the parents in the world are in cahoots with Nextel and all the cell phone companies and if they really want to make a dent, they need to team up with the people from Sallie Mae. There's a hidden goldmine in there....All they have to do is......Oops there goes the cell phone again.

What can I say

I feel like a phony even posting anything on here today. I don't have an amusing ancedote to share, but I'm just typing to pass the time, so that I don't fall asleep at my desk. I seem to to have contracted some type of wierd stomach virus and I've been feeling sick for a few days. And the thing about being sick is that you're doing nothing. Can do nothing except lay still and wish you were dead. I couldn't stay home today, or I certainly would've tried. I did stay home yesterday. It's not like I work at a sweatshop. But even Oprah was too much stimulation for my tired brain. I did finish this stupid book about a talking cat. It's as dumb as it sounds.

I have a project due tommorow. It sometimes makes me wish that I had a job that didn't require the use of my brain. But what can you do? I'm certain I'll be better tommorow, after my steady diet of saltines, flat vernors, and gatorade. I feel like Karen Carpenter could've had her own diet plan. At least it's helping me shed some of the holiday food weight. It seems more effective than even the South Beach diet.

That's the one good thing. Loss of appetite. And my feet are unaturually hot. Enough whining.