Tuesday, October 30, 2007

You too?

I've heard the pep talk. We all have. Which goes something like this:

"Anything worth having requires hard work and lots of struggles. And the struggles are there to show you how bad you want something. When you struggle and then overcome it, you're stronger and you've proven to yourself you can do it, when you really want something."

The struggle I'm dealing with and have been dealing with is my struggle with the scale. I've been losing weight steadily now for a while, and I am about half way at this point. And I am struggling.

My resolve is still strong. I know in my heart that this is something that I need to do, that I want to do, and that I will finish. But, lately it's been very hard. I don't find myself wanting to eat a bag of Doritos's in one sitting or anything like that.

But I guess that part that is wearing on me right now, is the constant need to calculate what I'm eating, what I just ate, what I will eat next. This level of concentration is part of the process, but it's tiring. I wish I didn't know exactly how much I ate at any given moment, and I wish I didn't have to keep track of how much I weigh down to the tenth of a pound.

And I'm not saying the other way I was living my life was the right path either.

Never keeping track, and then over-eating at every single meal and feeling bad about it. Feeling bad every morning when I got up, trying to get dressed for work, and feeling trapped in my own body. Not knowing how to break that awful cycle.

For people that say, just stop eating junk food: It's not that simple. It's like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking. They don't drink because they're thristy, and I didn't eat too much because I was hungry.

Sadly, this problem will be with me even after I finish losing the weight. Only then it will become a question of how to keep off all the weight I worked so hard to shed?

I will keep asking the question. I'm a fighter, so I will keep battling, but I am tired.

1 comment:

Laura said...

You and me both!