You too?

I've heard the pep talk. We all have. Which goes something like this:

"Anything worth having requires hard work and lots of struggles. And the struggles are there to show you how bad you want something. When you struggle and then overcome it, you're stronger and you've proven to yourself you can do it, when you really want something."

The struggle I'm dealing with and have been dealing with is my struggle with the scale. I've been losing weight steadily now for a while, and I am about half way at this point. And I am struggling.

My resolve is still strong. I know in my heart that this is something that I need to do, that I want to do, and that I will finish. But, lately it's been very hard. I don't find myself wanting to eat a bag of Doritos's in one sitting or anything like that.

But I guess that part that is wearing on me right now, is the constant need to calculate what I'm eating, what I just ate, what I will eat next. This level of concentration is part of the process, but it's tiring. I wish I didn't know exactly how much I ate at any given moment, and I wish I didn't have to keep track of how much I weigh down to the tenth of a pound.

And I'm not saying the other way I was living my life was the right path either.

Never keeping track, and then over-eating at every single meal and feeling bad about it. Feeling bad every morning when I got up, trying to get dressed for work, and feeling trapped in my own body. Not knowing how to break that awful cycle.

For people that say, just stop eating junk food: It's not that simple. It's like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking. They don't drink because they're thristy, and I didn't eat too much because I was hungry.

Sadly, this problem will be with me even after I finish losing the weight. Only then it will become a question of how to keep off all the weight I worked so hard to shed?

I will keep asking the question. I'm a fighter, so I will keep battling, but I am tired.

The Big 5

My friend tagged me to do this exercise, so I'll give it a go.



Five reasons I am a strong writer:

1. Authentic Voice: Or should I say, I have found a voice in which to write from. I seem to excel at memoir type writing,but even when writing about fictional characters, I am able to translate dialogue and charaters that have real depth.

2. Daily Practice: I will put this as one, only because my day job involves me being a copywriter, which means I do write every day. Granted, I write about cars, but still, I'm putting hand to keyboard on a consistent basis.

3. Truth: I can find the truth in a situation that others can relate to.

4. Pure Passion: I do LOVE it. I have been uninspired in my own writing, but I have recently signed up for comedy writing classes through Second City Detroit and I'm hoping that will push me into some new material.

5. Read: I'm going to borrow this one. I too, love to read. Always have, always will. I've recently caught reading fever again, and it reminds me why I love it. I find reading other writers too is inspiring and it's a constant lesson in vocabulary.

Zoo and Then

Age 3 or 4: I wished to be an elephant keeper at the zoo. I dreamed of feeding and watering the elephants, until I actually visited the zoo and saw just how big an elephant was.

Outfit of choice: My Grover jumper and Navy blue tights.

This past weekend, I went again to the zoo. It was a great day for that. Great weather, not too crowded and lots to see. But the zoo wasn't as magical as I'd remembered nor was it as depressing as I feared it may be.

Outfit of choice: My new boot-cut dark jeans and my black v-neck sweater that I paid too much for at Banana Republic.

I avoided the nachos, the cotton candy, and best of all the dish renowned at amusement parks the world over, the cup of fries.

Still, I live about a mile from the zoo, so it was time I went to the see the animals.
And except for a something I can only describe as a rape in the Kangaroo play area, it was a good time for all.

Rules of the Office

I don't claim to be the perfect office worker, but I've learned a few rules or guidelines along the way to ensure I'm not, "that annoying girl at the office."

Here are a few things you can do to keep the status quo between the cubicle walls.

1. Headphones: If I'm going to listen to my Johnny Cash, my Merle Haggard, or hell even my office lite, Harry Connick Jr. I don't assume that others around me want to listen too.

2. The community microwave: Never cook FISH in the company microwave. This will make you the butt of jokes and is sure to garner you dirty looks from co-workers.

3. Phone Calls: If you need to make a personal call, use your cell phone and move away from your immediate seating area. This allows you both some much needed privacy and also prevents your co-worker from listening to you describe some symptoms to your doctor.

4. Bathroom stalls: Leave the cell phone out of the bathroom. I don't want to hear you talking to your friend while you're on the toilet.

5. Bathroom Part 2: I know from time to time we all have to do what we need to do, but for godsake, please employ the courtesy flush, so you don't wreck the bathroom for the rest of us for the afternoon.

That's all I've got for now, but check back as I will update it from time to time.

Wednesday of my 34th

I'm feeling inspired after last night's comedy class. I think it's going to be a great experience. What's not to love? I love to write, I love to laugh, and I'm going to spend 8 weeks learning how to do both of those things better.

And for homework? I have to study my favorite comedy shows. It was time for me to have a new creative outlet, to stir things up and so I shall start on this journey. Last night I had a hard time falling asleep, as I was so pumped up.

In other news, I won the battle of the scale again this morning. So, things in that regard are going great and I'm very happy about that. I've been working on it very diligently and it’s nice to see some results.

Amy is in town, recovering from gall bladder surgery, so we're meeting tomorrow for drinks, naturally.

I'm plugging away reading Lolita for my writer group, but I'm having a hard time with it. It's fucking creepy. I don't care what rationale you've got, but when a grown man is enthralled with a 12 year old, it's just hard for me to find that endearing.

But maybe I'll change my mind by book's end.

Tonight, I hope to get a good night's rest. It's been a busy week so far, but a happy productive one as well, so I'm not gonna complain. At least not right now.

Funny Ha Ha

Tonight I start my comedy writing class through Second City Detroit which is of course in Novi. But then the Detroit Zoo is about a mile from me in Royal Oak.

Detroit is kind of something you say, but don't really mean.

Like the following phrases:

1. Let's just be friends.
2. No, really it's not you.
3. Yes, I love this meat-loaf cabbage casserole with melted Velveeta.
4. Sure, I'd be happy to help out on that project.
5. Wow. I can't tell this tofurkey isn't real turkey.
6. That new haircut really accents your face structure.
7. I'm going to start volunteering.
8. It's time to start walking/biking to work.
9. I love to recycle.
10.I can't wait to see that new historical epic movie at the art-house theater.

The bookend of Friday to Sunday

This weekend I laid low. Watched some good bad tv, Entourage on DVD.

Mostly, I did this because I was sick. Getting over something, I am still not sure what I had, but I was just feeling tired and run down. My energy wasn't what it has been.

It worked out ok, since I was also broke. But it was also nice to be quiet and not be running all over the place, like I normally do all weekend.

So, the laundry pile is shrinking to a reasonable amount, I baked homemade low fat oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, I found this lotion that I love which means on any given day, I'm gonna to smell like dessert. Which keeps me from eating it, so hey whatever works.

Had to postpone a visit with my dear friend K, but I think the rest did me good. And I'd rather see her when I'm feeling good, not like I'd rather be napping.

Going Home

Last weekend I headed up to Lake Leelanau to spend the weekend with my mom for her birthday.

On our agenda? A Bobby Bare concert. For those of you who don't know, Bobby Bare is an old country singer from the 60's and 70's, who sang a lot of sad songs, some funny, and always entertaining.

For me, my reaction to Bobby is a mixed one. It first reminds me of growing up in our old farm house on Cedar Island Road, behind Lakeland High School. My parents were still married, we had a record player and my dad used to listen to Bobby Bare. Loud.

Later, after the divorce I used to listen to the old records, maybe trying to recapture some of that time, and my favorite Bobby Bare song, is called Cowboys and Daddies.

It was about a divorce and a dad that took the kids for picnics on Sunday afternoons.

At the concert, the 5th row center was left open, so my mom and I snuck up and got a really close view of Mr. Bare, who is dressed in head to toe denim.

There is something truly authentic about those old country guys. They're not flashy like the new people, but they just seem humble, honest and after all these years, all they care about is singing a few songs and going home to their family.

I was glad I finally met the man who provided my childhood with a soundtrack full of memories.

Mr. Bare

Some kids grew up listening to Elmo or Seasme Street sing alongs.
Not me.

I grew up with my parents old record player that scratched out everything from Fleetwood Mac, the Beatles, Roger Miller, and Bobby Bare.

Mr. Bare is a country artist who sings folk type songs about other men's wives, picnics with their daddy on Sundays and, maybe one of his most well known songs, "Drop Kick Me Jesus."

This weekend as an adult, I will see Mr. Bare in concert at a casino in Northern Michigan with my mom. We're celebrating her birthday with a concert, some beer and lots of watching of old people, I'd guess.

I'm excited about this venture cause either way, I'm due to have a good time. Either just great or so bad it's awesome.

Heading up after work tonight.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Push It

This morning on the Today show, they devoted an entire segment to this new trend called Push It presents.

Basically, when your wife, girlfriend, or significant other has a baby you, as the husband are supposed to shower her with anything from diamond earrings to tennis braclets.

Now, call me crazy or a feminist, but I think this is insane. I mean, if your husband wants to buy you some flowers or some small sentimental token to help mark the celebration of the new baby then, that's a kind thoughtful man, and you should consider yourself lucky.

And I will say right now, I don't have a baby, nor have I ever been pregnant and maybe this is just from a single person's perspective, but why should you expect gifts for having a baby?

Isn't the fact that you were able to carry a child and give it life enough? Doesn't the fact that you and your companion convceived a child because you love each other count for something?

Futhermore, when a gift is expected, it's no longer a gift. Sure, we all love presents and we like to feel cared for, but if you go into something feeling ENTILTED to it, in my opinion it loses some of the sentiment.

And does that mean you're going to buy your husband a gift for getting you pregnant? Maybe he'd like something too.

Beleive me, I know labor is hard work. I was a labor support person last year for my best friend, and I was in awe of how amazingly hard it all was for her.

But she was doing what women have done for centuries and I just think that her healthy son was a miracle, and worth more than an infinite amount of diamond jewelry.

These Shoes Were Made for Pain

I wasn't meant to wear cool shoes. Unless they have some built in comfort apparently.

This morning, while I was dressing for work, I thought I'd break out my cool new shoes, a black patent shiny shoe with an ankle strap, aka, death shoe.

It's only 11:30 am, and I've already had to retire the shoes to my car, as my ankle bones are rubbed raw and I didn't want to inflict further damage. But darn, they were cute.

Beauty is pain, but apparently I'm no sadist. At least not today.

And Then

It's a rainy Monday.

Weekend had some ups and downs, like life usually does.

Cancer took the life of my best friend Connie's cousin, who was only 34. And his wife is due to deliver their first child in 10 days.

Sometimes, I'm not sure if I beleive in GOD has a reason for this or that. Sometimes it just seems like a cruel joke, that no one would ever find funny.

I spent the day with Connie yesterday. We were celebrating her birthday so we just tried to hang out and just be.

You can do that with an old friend. When there's nothing to say, you just show up.

Name Game

Thanks to Courtney's blog, I now have a fun name blog of my own.

Read on!



1. My rock star name (first pet and current car)

Bozo Saturn SL2

2. My gangsta name (ice cream flavour plus cookie, or biscuit)

Peanut Butter Cup Chocolate chip with nuts. (how white I am :) )

3. My fly girl name (first letter of first name, first three letters of last name)

KQui (it's all gonna depend on the pronoucination)


4. My detective name (favourite colour, favourite animal)

Aqua Blue Dog

5. My soap opera name (middle name, city of birth)

Rose Pontiac

6. My Star Wars name (first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name)

Qui Ke ( I guess it's ok. It's no Yoda)

7. My superhero name (second favourite colour, favourite drink, add “the”)

The Red Coffee

8. My Nascar name (first two names of my two grandfathers)

Ha. Bill Bill

9. My stripper name (favourite perfume, favourite sweet)

Brown Sugar Cookie (Um, yeah)

10. My witness protection name (mother’s and father’s middle names)

Hayword Edward

11. My weather anchor name (fifth grade teacher’s name, a major city beginning with the same letter)

Dr. Bendure Boston

12. My spy name (favourite season/flower)

Summer Roses

13. Cartoon name (favourite fruit plus garment you’re wearing, with an “ie” or “y” added)

Cherry Hoodie

14 Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast plus favourite tree)

Oatmeal Maple

15. Your rockstar tour name (favourite hobby plus weather element, with “the”)

The Reading Rain



That was fun. You should know my real stage name is Chantilly, based on a road trip questionnaire.

Back To Basics

Hello, Reader

I'm back from vacation. It was great. As I'd hoped, lots of mountain viewing, hiking, drinking, and some snack eating.

Colorado is a beautiful state and now I'm back in Michigan. It has its own beauty, but today isn't a good example, with the gray clouds and rain, mucking up the commute.

Trying to get back into the routine of work, gym etc. It's slowly coming together.

Today was my Weight Watcher meeting before work. Yep, I'm admitting it in a blog. Was a good day at the races, so to speak.

Keep on Keeping on.

She's Going Around the Mountain

Tomorrow morning I leave for vacation to Colorado.

I haven't been on vacation since last year when I went to the family, Clark Griswald style to Las Vegas.

This will be a different kind of trip. Instead of all the flashing lights and gambling, it'll be hikes in the mountain and lots of fresh air.

Not that I'd really consider myself an outdoor person, but when I'm forced to spend 40 something hours a week inside an office with miles of concrete and weird shaped office furniture, well, I'm looking forward to this more than I would've imagined.

The weirdest part is that I can't wait to do some hiking. Must be because of the time I've been spending in the gym. Nature's treadmill awaits.

Oh, and I'm sure there will be drinks among old friends.

So, enjoy your weekend, and I will see you again soon.

Welcome to My World

Ford Reintroduces Model T Line That Made It Great

DEARBORN, MI—"We've been so concerned with adding frills like GPS and exhaust pipes that we forgot what really matters: open-air bench seating," CEO Alan Mulally said.

Grumpy

I've been grumpy for the past few days. I'm waiting for it to pass, but it seems to be getting worse.

Ah. Fall is coming and that usually makes me feel better and puts me in a better mood, but it's not happening.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. I am just tired of feeling as if I'm spinning and spinning and can't stop.

Perhaps I should just puke lemonade like that time at the fair.

Reading is Fundamental (RIF)

I'm a media slut.

This weekend, I stockpiled books like I was in the throes of some Worldwide disaster and I'd be left with no reading. Truth be told this behavior isn't a new thing, and if you ask any writer/reader how many books they've got stacked up at home waiting to be read, they'd say at least a dozen.

And how was I rewarded with my binge? My coming into work this morning with an Amazon box sitting on my chair. And what was in it? My aunt Erin's book, Hope for Carsonville.
(shameless plug)

This morning at the gym while on the bike (this has become my morning treat. A small reprieve from the weights and the Elliptical machine) I started, Eat Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. The verdict is still out on this.

Other books I acquired over the weekend, either by really cheap used book store, the library used book sale and the library (free-which is best of all), the following are now waiting for me to turn their pages:

1. Wonder Boys- Michael Chabon. Love the movie. Wanted to see how the book read.
2. Gods in Alabama. Joshilyn Jackson. I've seen this at Borders.
3. Shadow Dancer- Mystery suspense by Susan Anderson.
4. There's a slight chance I might be going to hell- Laurie Notaro
5. Days of Summer- sweeping summer drama. spans generations.
6. The Wonder Spot- Melissa Bank- from the author, Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing.
7.The Bastard on the Couch. Essays from men about being men.
8. Up the Agency-Peter Mayle about working in an ad agency.
9. Five Men who Broke my Heart- A memoir about heart breakers.
10. The Female Brain. Cool cover. Some scientist lady.
11. I was There When it Happened. Marshall Grant's account of life on the road with Johnny Cash.
12. Obsession- Karen Robards. Another Mystery suspense.
13. Only as Good as your Word- Susan Shapiro. Advice on writing.
14. Farewell to Arms. Ernest Hemingway. (used book sale)

Hope for Carsonville

I might get lucky today. Not in the tangled up sheet sort of lucky, but more in the package delivery arena. You see, My Aunt Erin wrote a book, called Hope for Carsonville about my grandma Hope.

And it is on it's way to me from my friends at Amazon.com. I'm closing in on it, but it isn't yet, in my hot little hands.

I'm very excited to read it and hear lots of stories about Hope. She died when I was only 8 years old, so I have only one or two sketchy memories of her. One of them involved sitting at her kitchen table, while she gave me Koolaid. I took a drink, and then I made a face.

Telling my dad, "This doesn't taste like regular Kool-Aid." My dad told me, that's how Hope made it. Without sugar.

And since I've been aspiring to write a memoir type book myself, it is exciting to know it's possible and I'm so proud of Erin. She really put her heart into writing this book.

Thanks to Erin, I'll have a whole new set of stories to enjoy.

ReBoot

After work today I am going to visit my dad. He's checking into the hospital today for an extended visit to see if the doctors can figure out what's going on in his spine.

So, for anyone so inclined, pull out your prayer books, your vigils, your Buddah's or any other spiritual leader you can get your hands on.

We need positive thinking. The only good news is that my dad will be safe and well cared for. He can't do his own brand of medicine which usually involves things not so healthy.

And look, I'm not blaming the guy. He's been through a lot of shit and everytime this cancer comes up, he beats it back down with his bad ass Marine mentality. The same mentality that got him out of Vietnam safe.

Dad, it's time to strap on those combat boots one more time.

Show Down

Faced the scale this morning. I won.

A small loss, but in my opinion no loss is small. So, I guess I worked out enough this week to combat all that beer and pasta salad at the family reunion.

Seems to be all about finding the correct balance between beer, plus ocassional treat, plus Mexican food, stir in several workouts and viola: Scale success.

I can tell I must be hungry. I'm thinking about my lunch and how I can't wait to eat it. There are a few little things to look forward to, when one works in an office.

Sadly, sometimes lunch is a highlight.

Ready, set, Grab that plastic fork.

Hot Child

It was the 70's. Easter Sunday.

I liked dresses.

Peek A Boo

Did you go to the type of school that made a mockery of the Senior Class? You know what I'm talking about. Complete with mock elections where you could win such honors as, Class Flirt, Best Hair, Most Likely to Rule the Free World.

And what did I win? Shyest. Gee, what an honor. Thanks for pointing out my self conscious nature so I may be mocked openly by all the people who ignored me all day long anyway.

I wasn't informed that I'd won such an award, till my best friend called from the photo shoot to tell me, "You got Voted Shyest. I'm coming to pick you up."

The kids in my class thought I was too shy to show up to have my picture taken.

It would've been funny to have me in the yearbook as a blank space.

Shyest indeed.

I Willed It

By sheer force of will I made it to the gym this morning. I so wanted to keep sleeping. It was one of those perfect sleeping mornings, but alas , all good things must come to an end.

I'm happy I made it. I kept talking myself out of it, but the part of me that knows better got dressed and went.

Enough of patting myself on the back. But the thing is, sadly I don't have much other news. I spent the weekend organizing my office area at home and realize that'll I need to purchase a file cabinet soon.

Must have someplace to shove all those papers that seem important, yet I never look at. I never once pulled out my car insurance book just to read up on the policy. But I also know the second I throw it away, I'll need it.

So it goes. I'm boring even myself with this post.

Perhaps I'll be back tomorrow.

Accentuate the Positive

By our very nature, Irish people are not overly cheerful or able to find the "positive" in an otherwise not so positive situation. Instead we are more likely to make a joke about whatever is shitty.

And today, I found myself needing some positive reinforcement regarding this whole roller coaster of diet and exercising.

In that spirit, I'm going to make a list of things that have changed for the better, since my journey began. And it's not because I want to vomit sunshine on any one, but more because I just don't want to turn to making myself vomit.

1. I have more energy since joining and going to the gym. Sure, I'm tired when I get there but when I leave, I've never once said, Boy, I wish I would have stayed home and ate donuts." I might have wanted to, but the point is, I didn't.

2. I'm no longer addicted to that chemical sugared coffee cream that I had every day in 3 different flavors as a staple in my refrigerator.

3. My chin is as single as me.

4. I stopped eating 100 calorie packs of everything. I learned that for me personally, it's just not a good idea. If I really want a treat, I'm better off eating a small part of the full-fat version. In the end it tastes better and I eat less of it because my craving for it is being satisfied.

5. My pants are either getting loose or too big all together. I've dropped one size so far.

6. I've lost 12 pounds so far. It's taking me a really long time, but I haven't given up. I press on. And I will keep going till I'm where I want to be.

7. I'm starting to see the light blinking from really far away at the end of the tunnel.

8. My dad is really sick but I haven't turned to carrot cake on a regular basis.

9. Sugared cereals is something I really loved and still do, but I don't let myself by it anymore either. It's too addicting for me.

10. Lifting Weights: Part of my routine has included weights and I can tell that I'm becoming physically stronger. I was able to pull myself out of deep water onto a jet ski using my upper body strength a month or so ago.

This list may not resonate with anyone but me, but at least I'll have a record now of what I'm doing right, instead of beating myself up for things I'm doing wrong.

And this just In

Random assortment of things on my mind.

1. When did a merge lane stop becoming merger friendly? Seems to be every time I go to merge lately and I do it nicely with my signal and the right amount of acceleration, the people who are supposed to get out of the way by either speeding up or slowing down enough to give me free way access, have decided to stay put. MOVE

2. This hugely popular series of books about a female bounty hunter, Stephanie Plum who is much more comical than caustic seems to have set my fire for reading again. They're light and fun and easy to read. I can't however fathom reading all 13 in succession.

3. Reading again is saving me the trouble of looking for tv to watch. How many more reality tv shows can we have? Good Lord. I'm thinking they should make one called, " So you think this is a show?", with a constant parade of crazy people peeing on each other. STOP.

4. My younger brother is in town, and seems to really be enjoying us in a way I haven't seen before now. It's a nice change. We're all having dinner together tomorrow.

5.Today is a hungry day. The kind where you feel like you're constantly hungry but at least I'm choosing healthy snacks. Have had a yogurt, cherry tomatoes, a plum, a granola bar. I did forgo the free hot dog giveaway in the parking lot, so anything else is gravy so to speak.

Till next time.

Super Stupid

Matt Damon is my super spy super hero.

Ok, so maybe that's a little much. But I did really enjoy the Bourne Ultimatum. I just hope they don't muck it up with anymore movies, because the story is has been told and completed.

Yes, there were still some unanswered questions, but that's the point really. It's one movie franchise that refuses to dumb down its content. That's my biggest complaint about a lot of movies and my job for that matter.

As to not offend and to make everything so idiot proof that there isn't any conclusion for you to draw on your own, well its making America even more stupid.

Does it really matter that every movie, tv commercial and book won't appeal to a mass audience? Isn't that the point? Create something that a certain segment will really love, and if others find it, great.

But the second we dumb everything down, we've lost the fight. It's the same culture that is now suggesting that every kid should get a trophy on the sports teams. The we are all winners mentality.

Actually, we're not. And you know what? That's good. If you find out like I did at a young age, sports wasn't really my forte, it made me focus my energy on other things like writing.

Maybe I was picked last for kick ball but I won a ribbon for a story in the first grade at the school fair. Am I scarred for life?

No. Because I know where my strengths lie and I'm using those to my advantage.

In my opinion, we just need to stop coddling to the lowest common denominator. We're not doing ourselves any favors.

And there's a reason why there is life outside a Super Walmart....

Wee Weekend

On the agenda this weekend?

First off, is get through this long drawn out day at work. Tonight, I'm going to hang out with my brothers. BJ is in from Florida and it's rare that I get to see both my brothers at the same time and in the same place.

Tomorrow, don't know. All I know is I'm getting up and going to the gym, then I'm sure I'll end up doing some sort of errands/chores etc. Then Rachel and I are gonna hang out in the evening. We're thinking some type of movie. I'm hoping to catch Matt Damon in Bourne Ultimatim or maybe something at the Main Art theater.

Sunday, my mom will be in town and I think we're doing some family stuff that is yet TBD.

Bills have been paid, grocries have been purchased, house is in semi-order minus the stifiling heat.

Enjoy your weekend.

Untitled

30 years of bull-shit
and I'm still here.
Chasing a dream where writing is money
and
I'm relative
to an audience.
Imagining my personal thoughts become important.
But will I appreciate it?
Or will I still be stressed,
that my pants are pulled too tight across my thighs?
No matter how many times I tell myself it doesn't matter,
it does.
Skinny won't fundamentally change me
but looking in the mirror
will hurt less.
You can't blame the shallow,
they have nothing else.
The rest of us,
get to be the smart girl,
not dancing on Friday night
because she's typing at her computer
dreaming about tiny dresses.

Pushing Pencils

It's the billionth Monday of my office career. And it's as lame as most have proven to be in the past.

As for now, no new assignments awaiting me, no pressing matters. Just a long drawn out day perched in front of my keyboard attempting to look busy. I was busy at lunch when I ran errands, but I'm sure that's not what you had in mind.

Monday's depress me. They are far from Friday and so close to Sunday I can still recall yesterday like it was well, yesterday when I was free to do whatever I wanted.

I've started sorting out things in my home "office area" and spent part of the day yesterday shredding up credit card offers, letters I'd die if anyone ever found and things of that nature.

The good news is that now it's Monday afternoon and in two short hours it'll be quitting time.

An Enchanted Evening

Last night I attended the wedding of my dear friend Becky and her now husband Len.

It was one of the most elegant weddings I've ever been to. It was one of those weddings where you could feel the love in the air, feel the joy of the couple being married and the celebration of two families coming together.

She looked beautiful, he looked radiant, and together they looked magical.

If you're still reading, please keep your negative cynical thoughts to yourself. Because unless you were there, you can't know the feeling that moved over each guest.

You see, both Becky and Len had been married before each believing I'm sure that it was to last forever. But things hadn't worked out the way they perhaps imagined it would and instead both ended up divorced.

And found one another.

Maybe it was the wisdom that comes with age or past experiences that led them both to this place that allowed them both to try again.

Either way, it was an honor to be in included in the very small wedding, and I wish them both as much love now as on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Congratulations, Becky and Len.

Show me that Smile

When I was going through my teen years and I should preface with early teens, I battled all the usual problems. Zits, the joys of puberty and many many crushes and obssive readings of Bop and Tiger Beat magazine.

Among my crushes, one stood out. Kirk Cameron of Growing Pain fame. In retrospect, I can't be sure what the attraction was. Was it the crazy curly hair? The boy next door look compiled with the lack of facial hair?

I can't be sure. All I know is that Kirk Cameron is the only celebrity that I ever wrote a fan letter to. In my defense, I was 11 or 12 at the time, and this was before he turned all religious. His face plastered every available surface in my bedroom and I'd spend my allowance every week buying the newest issue of BOP, so I could coat more walls and obsess a little more.

"Kirk washing a car. Kirk eating a hamburger. Kirk laying on his bed, staring at the wall."

WTF? I guess I was just a normal pre teen. I had crushes on real boys in my classes too, but my heart melted every week with that Growing Pain theme song.

I don't really get that thrilled anymore. I'm more interested in meeting real people, but I can still appreciate a man with a little throwdown. More on this later.

Back in Black

Yes. I'm back. Back from my mini vacation of eating whatever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted and sleeping till whenever which ironically on vacation, I don't ever sleep in too much. Certainly not in excess.

I thought I'd missed a lot, but as it turns out I missed nothing. I got to spend time at the lake yesterday and see Amy which was so nice. I missed her and we had fun floating around the water.

She inspired me to get back to my own healthy eating and gym habits. It just gets so hard when I've been stuck at a plateau for so long, but I shall keep pressing on. I think as long as I don't give up that's the key.

My bones feel like they're melted so I guess I'm relaxed. Somebody get me a hammock and a drink.

July the 4th

Today I will head up I-75 on a holiday trek to visit my mom and my cousin.

We may have some sparklers, maybe a hot dog or some other grilled treat. It doesn't matter. The part that I'm focusing on is the few days off of work, away from pretending I care about any such thing when it is finally summer in Michigan.

A glorious season to be had by all.

When I get home from said job, I must finish throwing stuff in my bags and head due north.

Suit Tale

I faced the beast that women hate last night.

Swimsuit shopping. A one day sale. It had to be done. My old one was falling off.

Throw in a head cold and it was a magical evening. But, I've got one that will do.

Shows a little cleavage but its mostly modest and black.

Shelf that Book

From one of my favorite time wasting web sites while at work:

Lady #1: I wonder what that kid over there is reading.
Lady #2: God, if my kid read I'd kill it.
Lady #1: Amy!*
Lady #2: Seriously, I'm never buying my kids books.

It makes me grateful that my mom instilled a love of reading into me at a young age. I remember trips to the library where I'd load up on stacks of books, even when I was up north visiting my grandma and grandpa gostshall, we'd go to the library.

The library is the place that first got me interested in Charlie and Chocolate Factory, Nancy Drew, this series of Betsy something or other books, Sweet Valley High (oh yes), Catcher in the Rye, and countless others.

Even now, if I'm having a bad day or I'm feeling depressed, I'll go to the library or a bookstore to cheer myself up. I love to be surrounded by books and the smell of the pages that promise a new story just around the corner.

No Plans

My weekend of basically no plans actually turned out pretty nice.

Friday, I had the day off and was grateful as I'd been out late the night before at yet another office going away party. But I had lots of fun. So, I cleaned my house of all things, including mopping the floor. Then I headed over to dinner at Rachel's and hung out with her and her two kids. It was fun to see all of them.

Saturday morning, I got up and went to the gym. Came home had breakfast and then called my dad. Wanted to spend some time with him since it was his birthday on Sunday. I got to his house, we visited a while and then headed off to do some shopping. We met Shane there and we all had dinner together. My dad said he loved the shirt that we got for him and he was glad to own Cool Hand Luke.

After I brought my dad home, it was pretty early so I suggested we head up to the B1 in Keego for a drink or two and a few rounds of keno. Several plays on the jukebox lead to Johnny Cash, David Allan Coe, and Merle Haggard. It's that kind of joint. We headed home and I tucked my dad back in and then drove back to Royal Oak.

Sunday Morning, Shane called and invited me to a BBQ and hanging out on the lake at Jeff's house. Even though, the boat ultimately didn't run, we've got high hopes for next weekend.

Shane and I did go out on the jetski several times and I flipped off of it once.

But it was one of those perfect summer days hanging out and enjoying the weather and the people I love.

And my dad and Wally made plans for a fishing trip soon, where Wally said:

"I'll take you fishing fucker. Just don't die on me before we go."

Cool Hand Dad

Last evening I went on a birthday treasure hunt for my dad's birthday. Found the treasure at Tommy Bahama's and their insanely over-priced shirts. But he likes them, so what the heck?

Hopefully, he'll like the one I picked out. At least Shane is going in on it. I must admit, I was in need of some more Clinque face soap so I also stopped by the counter there at Nordstroms.

Still on the hunt for Cool Hand Luke since my dad doesn't own it, but it is a classic Newman film. I'm hoping Target here in Dearborn will be more helpful than the one in Troy. But the thing is it's not an obscure movie. I mean I can' walk 2 feet without hitting Spiderman, Pirates of the Caribbean, Old School, or Mean Girls.

But a classic American movie? That's harder to come by.

It was an Honor

This past Saturday I celebrated a birthday.

And I thought a nice way to commemorate the birthday would be to honor those in my life that have helped me, shaped me and loved me.

My parents: This one is a no brainer. My mom has always taught me to be strong and reminds me to take risks even when I'm scared and it would be easy to embrace the status quo.

My Dad: Well, he's a tough, hard ass former Marine with a gooey center. He loved me first, bought me my first bouquet of roses, and taught me to never put up with any one mistreating me.

Shane: My older brother is staggering in his kindness, generosity and humor. And he's always there during rough times and happy days.

Jeff: Shane's best friend who has become part of our family. So much so that he's in my dad's dvd about his life. He is the rare sort who thinks of others and somebody who will always be there whether we're boating, grieving or celebrating.

Connie: My oldest and dearest friend. Connie is the sister I never had and we grew up together. She's been in my life since I was six years old and there's something amazing about a friendship with all the backstory filled in, yet, we could talk for hours every day.

Amy: One of my oldest friends who talks me down from my frequent parnoid episodes, helped me learn how to decorate things, and knows all my crazy history and likes me anyway.

Becky: Was my first real friend at my first ad job. She kindly showed me the ropes, answered all my questions and since then has been sincerely and whole-heartly invested in making my life better with her kindness, her humor and her gentle nature. She is fun, thoughtful and an amazingly good person.

Usha: My crazy and I mean quirky British friend who is always up for a new adventure.

James: AKA, Jimmy Ohio. We share a similar attitude about work and he understands my warped sense of humor. And he shows up in times of saddness and fun and is always ready to help me drink. Hopefully we can work together again sometime.

Nevada: My no holds barred, set your hair on fire, lives in Detroit friend who moved here from Oklahoma. Shares my love of old country music, Starbucks coffee, hatred of small talk about the weather, and endures my endless indecision with humor.

Barrie: Never judges. And has been very kind to me through this long illness of my dad's, and she gets why I love Johnny Cash and 90210.

This year I realize just how lucky I am and not in a God Bless everyone Tiny Tim kind of way, but I'm truly in awe that all of my friends coming out to help me celebrate.

Any presents were icing on the carrot cake that I managed to avoid.

Grunt On

Good Morning.

Not feeling angry this morning so that helps.

Did my second day of the 3 day weight training this morning. Maybe that's why I'm not mad.

But I did notice all the men in the gym make sex noises when they work out. Lots of grunting and such.

It's a little odd but then so are those ladies who put on full make-up before they work out. I'm not one of them.

Tonight after work its off to shop for my Dad's Father's Day gift and to avoid my hot house flat. Made the mistake of cooking dinner in there last night. It was way to warm, but I have a great casserole called Glop that my Grandma Gotshall used to make for my efforts.

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday

In case any one cares, I did buy some new clothes yesterday. It was nice.

They're comfortable and a little girly which is helpful, as I'm a woman as opposed to a man dressed like a woman.

Not much other news. Watched This Film is Not Yet Rated. Pretty interesting shit.

Random Tuesday thoughts: I can't decide what to get my dad for Father's Day. He doesn't fit into the "Golf or BBQ dad like all the ads want us to believe. Nor is he into the technology aspect and besides he's already got a nano he ignores.

He did send me his first text message, which was awesome.

Anyway, any thoughts?

So

I was just at the mall getting a Starbucks and decided to check out the new clothing line by Sarah Jessica Parker at Steve and Barry's.

Surprisingly nice feeling clothes and very affordable. It made me itch for a shopping spree. I think I'm heading back after work.

Why? Because I want to. Lately, that's my new thing. If I want to do something, I'm gonna damn well do it.

Other things about me:

1. I'm a diet coke person.
2. I'm also an Adidas person. Get your Nike shit away from me.
3. Today I started my new weight routine and my muscles are sore. This is good.
4. Having lunch with Tonya today.
5.And I have to leave this blog to go look for a haircut for Friday. I'm forgoing my usual lady for this new person, but only because I've got some free spa dollars to use up.

Looking forward to my dad returning from up north so I can have a visit.

Whirl Weekend

This weekend has been pretty nice.

My dad is spending a few days up north with my mom and his brothers and sisters so that's good. I know he's getting lots of visits and spending some time at the local casino.

As for me well, Friday night I had dinner with Becky and then we hung out at a bookstore for a while, and it was nice to catch up.

Saturday morning Shane came to my gym to give me a new weight routine, which we're calling "The Resurrection." I'm hopeful that I can jump off my weight loss plateau and I know that I need the outlet of the gym more than ever right now.

Eager to get there Monday morning, which is always a good sign. After the gym we had a delicious breakfast at Cafe Havana in Royal Oak.

Then later I left for Detroit for Nevada's Wino and Cheese Party which was lots of cheap wine and orange food products. I partied like a 23 year old and that felt good.

But since I'm not 23, today I'm a bit tired. Took a nap and a shower and decided to go see Oceans 13.

I liked it. It was as good as Oceans 11 I thought and as a bonus there was no Julia Roberts. :)

And my Aunt Pat mailed me a dvd all about my dad, one of her cool family video projects. I've already watched it 3 times. I love it. The pictures, the choice of music is awesome.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I'm hoping I can take things in stride as much as possible.

Thoughts over Pancakes

Maybe life's greatest stories stem from the jobs you didn't get and the boys who left you so you'd end up with a man.

This is Spinal Tap

Stellar week.

Do I believe in fate and destiny? Perhaps to a certain extent. Do I think a huge disappointment will ultimately lead me to a much more fulfilling life?

Maybe I do.

But the funny part is that sort of clarity only happens after the next great thing occurs, so I can think: "Oh and that's why that happened?"

I do know this week that I've made some great friends in this town. And perhaps my path crossed with them so I could do more in my future. They fill in gaps. They drink with me, dance, listen, but most importantly they show up.

But cancer? No. That just fucking sucks.

The Vietnam War? I got a bone to pick with you. I don't need to be a political activist to understand that the war ruined the best part of my father.

And what does he get for bravely enlisting when others ran?

Exposure to Agent Orange and now spinal cancer.

Lung cancer+ throat cancer+ spinal cancer+= No more treatment available.

Do you think our government is standing up saying "we're sorry. What can we do?"

No.

What my dad got for his bravery and his heart and soul was a few dollars which got shrunk down to nothing when he was deemed healthy enough to return to work.

He can't work. His job was very physical. He climbed trees. Manned chain saws. Swung from ropes.

We're gonna fight for the rest of his benefits so my dad may enjoy whatever time is allowed to travel. To see things. To smoke if he wants. Have a drink.

The motto of the United States Marine Corp: The few. The Proud. The Marines.

My dad is proud. He is brave. He is dying.

He is mine. He is my brothers.

He is Loved.

Mourning Sickness

You know how writing makes you feel like you forgot to get dressed?

That's what this entry is gonna be like for me. But one thing I've learned is that writing helps me deal with stuff and speaking the truth isn't easy or pretty but it is necessary.

So here goes. My dad I know I've mentioned him a time or two in this space, well he's been dealing with cancer since 2003. And this past Tuesday we got the news that I never wanted to hear. MY dad's cancer has gone into his spine.

There is no more treatment. Just a management of pain medication from now till later.

We weren't given a time table and I know myself, I don't need a time table. I will miss him for the rest of my life. I'll mourn him and his absence so I'm certain I don't need a ticking clock over my head to tell me, I better cram in all my visits, I better commit every conversation to memory as if it were our last.

This I already know.

I'm hoping to talk to him about taking a trip someplace. Hopefully Ireland.

I don't know what else to say. I'll do this one day at time, minute by minute if that's what it takes.

Memorial Day

I'm back. Back to work.

Spent the weekend up north. First it was to see Kathleen in Roscommon. We had a good visit and it was really nice to break up my drive into 2 easy parts. There's something about family. A shorthand where you don't have to fill in all the blanks, but they help you deal with cracks in the family shell.

Then it was onto Lake Leelanau to see my mom. We went to an Estate sale, had lunch at the Cheese Shanty (awesome sandwiches)pretty much trolled around town and hung out. When we got home we had a great steak dinner.

The next day was more of the same and then my brother, his girlfriend and his friend Jeff came up to surprise us. That was cool. We all hung out, went to TC and did not a whole lot of anything but it was fun just the same.

Yesterday we went on a nature walk, breakfast at the bakery and sun-bathing on the deck.

And of course since it was the nicest day of the weekend, it was naturally the day that I had to drive home. I packed up and headed home mid afternoon. Expecting horrible traffic, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself zipping right along.

Even managed to stop at the outlet mall where I got a new pair of tennis shoes and some workout clothes.

A good weekend, a nice kick off to summer.

Cowboy Redford

Breakfast of champions:

Half a soft pretzel. Wasn't feeling the wheaties.

Oh well, some days are like that. I've got a healthy lunch with lots of veggies and fruits to counteract the pretzel bite.

Watched The Electric Horseman last night. It's about a rodeo star who's not as popular anymore, so he ends up running off with the prize winning horse when he finds he's being mistreated.

Starring you guessed it, Robert Redford. I'm sucker for him, for his acting, for his subtle and always interesting roles.

It also had Jane Fonda in it as a reporter who chases him on the run.

Willie Nelson is in it and sings, "Don't Let your Babies Grow up to Be Cowboys."

All in all a good movie.

What's Your Sign

This morning after I woke up and dragged myself to the gym, I was driving to Walgreens to pick up a few items. Across the street in yet another strip mall was an optical shop. The name of said shop? Eye Iota.

I wouldn't ever set foot in such a stupid sounding business. Just couldn't do it. There was a salad bar place in Atlanta when I was living there, called Lettuce Surprise You.

First off that's just a terrible pun, and secondly I don't think the word surprise should ever be included in a salad bar.

My point is, I guess I'm picky.

I notice signage, I read table cards at restaurants, I will notice a well-crafted headline on a napkin. This is part of the job. Life of a copywriter is one where you'll never casually look through an ad in a magazine.

If it's well done, I stop and read. And if it's horrible I often imagine how things must've went south after the client meeting. Or the creatives tasked with the job had there hands tied the whole time, and thus ended up with something like this:

A diversity ad for a job fair. The visual? A big rubber band ball with you guessed it, multi-colored rubber bands. The headline: Diversity: It's what bands us together.

True story. I didn't write that line. I was forced to put it in the ad by a controlling client, whom I have no idea what happened to them.

Perhaps they took a job at Hallmark. Or maybe they're out shopping at Talking Book World (another good title ).

One More

I'm numb today. Numb to bad news, impending sadness. My dad called me last night as I was laying in bed reading, to check in. To tell me how his latest doctor's appointment had gone.

It seems the doctors now suspect that he may have cancer in his spine. His spine. We don't know what they're going to say, what the doctors if anything can come up with.

All I know is that cancer is a roller coaster of the worst kind. It's brought me to my knees in both devastation and prayer. For every good report there seem to be 4 bad ones waiting around the corner.

And what could I do when he told me such news in the way that only my dad could. Blunt and to the point. He's always been a man that doesn't mince words. I admire and find that fearful at the same time.

He told me that he was glad it was him that was going through this and not me. He said, I'd had to fight too hard to live when I was born so prematurely.

I should've died then. And he can't die now. I feel like cancer is a floating balloon above my head, but I can't let go of the string.

When I was little, I used to call him Daddy Quinlan and he let me stand on his feet while we danced. Now I call him dad, but I don't want the song to be over yet.

We've only just begun.

Which Doctor

Thursday Morning. Me. The skin doctor. The cancer. A show-down.

It'll be nice to see what they say about the whole thing. Patch me up and send me on my way.

Last night, I got to hang out with my friend Rachel and her two kids. We had dinner, hung out and made Jimi Hendrix out of clay. And oh yes, he was purple.

Not much news. Shane is coming over Saturday for another gym tutorial. I need a new weight routine. I've started making progress with my whole spring clutter clean out.

Many closets and surfaces to go, but one pile at a time.

Maybe tonight, I'll get somewhere since the weather isn't good.

Write, Write

It would be completely unoriginal for me to point out that it is Friday and this has me feeling pretty happy.

So instead I'll say, I had a nice conversation with Shane this morning, the sun is out, I can sleep in tomorrow, and it looks like the best season in Michigan is here.

Other than that, this weekend, I'd like to get a visit with my dad, go find a dress for Tonya's wedding, and start trying (again) to clean out some spring clutter. From closets, to bookcases, to desk-tops. I need to carve out some time with my laptop to get some words down for next week's writing group meeting.

I haven't written in so long and writing used to be my salavation and now I've lost it or its lost me.

And with that, I'm off like a prom dress.

This Just In

Random things about me:

1. I wear a watch almost every day. My brother bought it for me, and it's a silver man type watch, but I never have the time set correctly.

2. I just got diagnosed with Skin Cancer. I'm awaiting my visit to the dermatologist. I was freaked out, but am doing a little better now. I did find out that it is National Skin Cancer Awareness Month, so please go get checked. I had no idea that I had anything wrong with me. Luckily a friend was looking out for me and noticed something wasn't right. Take advantage of the free skin screenings this month. Please. Hopping off my soap-box now.

3. Got some really nice sunblock from Clinque and the woman at the counter was really kind to me, and helped me find some good sunblock. I love the Clinque counter, so I figured anything that can make this situation a little brighter was well worth it. I've got some for my face that is a nice base to be worn under make-up.

4. In the last week while I was home sick, I've watched the following: Countless episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 season 2, Little Children, Entourage, Rocky III, and Sex and the City.

5. I've started reading books again. Read One for the Money, and Two for the Dough a series of books about a female bounty hunter by Janet Evanovich. Light, fun, and a perfect distraction.

6. Last night I bought 2 yes 2 songs by the GO Go's, and one from Henry Mancini on itunes.

7. My left foot is asleep and is buzzing right now.

8. My dad went into the hospital and is out again. Sick with his own cancer but is doing ok at the moment.

9. Shane forgot about me and saw Spiderman 3 without me. I am hoping to catch it soon.

10.Every time I listen to Cat Stevens, it makes me want to quit my job, buy a long skirt twirl in a field and teach kindergarten.

Sick of sick

I've been out of commission since the middle of last week. Some spring cold/flu ick thing, that's kept me imobile at home for the past 4 or 5 days.

Today was the day, I had to come back to the work force. Not so much had too but decided I couldn't stay at home anymore. I still don't feel quite right. I'm still more tired than I should be, and there's still a haze over my day and I can't wait to go take a nap, and I'm hoping the cough that takes over me stops disturbing all the neighbors.

Baby steps I suppose. Ah well. A work in progress I am. Besides there has been no work I've missed, and if I'm typing it looks like I'm really working on something.

Hopefully tomorrow, I can get back to the gym. And get this show on the road.

IT's HERE

I can hear the theme music now. The second season of Beverly Hills 90210 comes out today and I'm not to proud to admit that I will be buying the second season at some point in the near future.

BH90210 got me through high school. I have a sentimental soft spot for the cheesy shows, the height of romance between Brenda and Dylan, the love triangle of Kelly, Dylan and Brenda, the crazy Emily Valentine. I've heard that season 2 even has the summer episodes, the fun ones where Brandon started working at the Beach Club and all of it.

Judge if you will, but sometimes there isn't a greater escape than a good episode of bad tv.

In other news, I've stocked up all kinds of healthy foods for lunch to help accelerate my healthy eating and working out quest.

I hear the weather gods are gonna shine for the rest of the week, so that will hopefully keep my mood on the upside of sunny.

Hyatt Living

My weekend wasn't looking too exciting when I left work on Friday. As I mentioned, a doctor's appointment, the gym and then a quiet evening at home.

So I was delighted on Saturday afternoon when my friend Usha called and suggested we go out in Royal Oak Saturday night. I called and invited a few people, she did the same and a good time was had by all.

The weather was looking great so I suggested we head to Memphis Smoke and sit on the roof top deck for some drinks. It started raining after a bit, so we walked down the couple of blocks to Bastone and had dinner in the bottom part of the restaurant called Cinq. More Beligum beer and good conversation.

At one point, we'd all started talking about Cinco De Mayo, and one of the people from England asks, "what's Cinco de Mayo?"
To which another person responds: "It's basically St. Patrick's Day for Mexican People."

Every one broke up then, but Nevada and I weren't ready to call it quits, so we headed to Gusoline Alley and had some more drinks. Fun, fun. Good seats right next to the ATM machine made striking up conversation pretty easy.

After 2 rounds of drinks, we decided maybe we should head home. But we got sidetracked on the way and ended up stopping off at Leo's for a late night snack.

Sunday was one of those perfect Sundays for me. I woke up around 8:30, had coffee, laid on the couch, had some water, watched a little dvd of Inside the Actor's Studio, then got dressed and went for a walk out in the beautiful sunshine.

After, I came home took a shower, and started doing dishes, laundry and assorted housework. I took a nap, cleaned my room, talked to Shane, and then packed a bag.

Karlene had invited me to spend the night at the Hyatt in Dearborn, which is right next to my office. So I went there last night, had a free cheese plate, watched some good cable, hung out with Karlene, and she gave me her complimentary bottle of Merlot to take home.

This morning, I slept in, then took a shower in the best shower ever, got ready and then headed down for my free breakfast of Starbucks coffee, fresh pineapple, and a muffin.

After a three minute drive to work, I was here feeling refreshed and relaxed.

Good weekend. Much more than I'd hoped for.

Arm Hole

It's Friday night and I thought I'd check in. Busy week.

M-F, usual work related hoopla. Till Friday afternoon. Had a doctor's appointment today with my old school doctor. I needed to check on this thing on my arm, that hadn't gotten better or gone away. Rewind a few days and it looked exactly like this skin cancer picture in a health magazine, I'd decided to read while hanging out with my dad.

I was trying to cheer him up, he's been sick and has cancer to boot. So we hung out watched about 10 minutes of Gilmore Girls and then we watched a solid hour of COPS.

Now that's entertainment. Anyway, when I finally laid down as is my custom I read before bed, and that's when I saw the article on skin cancer.

So, this afternoon I went to my doctor where he froze the sore, removed it and now we wait for a week while they test it, to see if it's anything or nothing.

Then I went to my gym for a post doctor workout, then onto CVS to pick up my prescription and it was home for some couch time, where I watched Entourage and then cleaned out my cabinet under the bathroom sink.

Tomorrow is more of the same. Maybe I'll get crazy and go to a movie.

The Day of Will

Today is my younger brother's birthday. He goes by Will, but I've always called him BJ a childhood nickname that I can't shake, so neither can he. But he allows it since I'm his sister.

When we were young, BJ and I were playmates. Shane was already off to school which left BJ and I to hang out at home and play games. Batman and Robin in the backyard with my teeter toter, bike rides in the gravel driveway, and Mom and Honey.

BJ is probably one of the most unique people I've ever known in my lifetime. He is living in Floridia now and trying his best to find his own way.

Wishing him much love, happiness, and optimisim that things will work out.

Happy Birtday, B.

Love,
Kou

The UnderTaker Takes A Bride

So, a family wedding this past weekend at Meadow Brook Hall in Rochester.

My cousin Sean who is an undertaker, took a bride. They met at a funeral director's convention. Just goes to show if you're doing what you love, you're bound to meet somebody to love.

Very nice wedding. Excellent dinner. Dancing. Beautiful setting.

It was fun to see all the relatives too.

Recharged

Back from the north. It was a good trip. Just want I needed: Some relaxation, extra sleep, some shopping, and good tv.

I started watching Entourage a show on HBO which is really fun to watch, about a young Hollywood actor who is trying to make it in Hollywood and his entourage is four childhood friends.

Anyway. After stopping at Birch Run for a lotion run at Bath and Body, I'm feeling better.

I know my saddness will return, but I'll do my best to push it down, keep it at bay.

Now, it's back to work but the week is half over already, so hooray!

All of Me

I am lonely.

Funny, how hard that is to write. It makes me feel even more vulnurable, but there it is. It's weird that our culture allows for all kinds of sentences.

"I made a mistake."
"I'm an alcoholic."
"I killed my wife."

But somehow, admitting one is lonely is not really talked about. Behind closed doors it is hard to admit even to myself, let alone share it with other people. But I figured, I might as well say it. It's true. Yes, I have lots of friends. And parents who love me, and brothers who care. But it is not the same.

I'm tired of going to sleep alone every night. I'm tired of never having a shoulder to lay on while I watch tv. I wish I had someone's hand to hold sometime, somebody to hug. A person to call when I've had an awful day. A person who wants to make me feel better for that bad day.Somebody to laugh with, cry with, a person that was unequivoically on my side.


I don't.

Never have, really.

Not sure I ever will.

And that sentence was almost as hard to write as that first one.
I don't beleive in soul mates. Or the pomp and circumstance surronding a big wedded affair. After all, it's not about your outfit you wear to the party, it's more about who's going with you.

Not sure how to wrap this up in a pretty bow, so I'll just exit quietly, shutting the door on my way out.

Slumber Party

Not the seven grade variety. There will be no removal of bras, to be dipped in water and frozen. No scary stories, no kissing practice on flat pillows or hands.

Nope. This is my friend Karlene and her daughter Gywnn swooping down to cheer me up in my sad state.

Since we don't have to work on Friday, making it very good indeed, we are having a visit. I will then pack up and head to Leelanau. It is looking like my hopes for a pretty spring drive are being dashed, but it will be relaxing either way.

I find napping on the couch while listening to Robert Redford or Paul Newman was an excellent relaxation method.

Who needs yoga?

Easter Bonnets

If one could throw up emotions, I'd be heaving my guts out right now.

But since I can't, I'll just tell you that I'm leaving town on Friday and going up north to see my mom. She lives near Lake Leelanau, and she's invited me to spend Easter up there.

Sounds nice to get away, so I shall. I almost always feel better after one of those road trips. Maybe it's cause of all my own road-trip rituals that bring me comfort. For example, if I have to use the restroom while traveling, I will almost always stop at McDonald's. Why? It's usually generally clean, and you will always find a McDonald's no matter how small the town is.

By the time I'm at the Zilwaulkee Bridge, I always feel more relaxed and calm, and like I'm actually on vacation. I love trading in the burning up I-75 at record speeds for the slower, curvy 2 lane roads after Grayling. I like stopping sometimes at the Cherry Market in Kalkaska. They sell these tiny little clothes pin cookies that I swear are the tastiest cookie ever, and trust me, I eat a lot of cookies.

Then once I reach Traverse City, I feel as if I've arrived, even though I've got another 30 minutes. I love driving through Sutton's Bay and guessing what the movie playing will be, a childhood ritual that has stayed with me.

I love driving along M-22 and looking at Grand Traverse Bay.

When I arrive, my mom starts chattering non stop and she helps me carry all my stuff inside, usually commenting about how much stuff I've brought.

Then, we usually have a snack and then we head to the store to stock up snacks and goodies.

This year we're going out for Easter Brunch with my aunt at the Bluebird. A fine Easter dinner that none of us have to cook.

4 days of bliss will be upon me soon.

Send Off

Tonight, it's drinks with co-workers for a fellow co-workers depature to a new agency. It seems to be that adertising is a lot of drinking to celebrate comings, goings, new accounts, and if things have gone badly, you drink too. Just after hours.

We're going to pub crawl in my neighborhood, so that's good news for me. It means that I can drink and walk with no problems. Will it be gin and tonic or microbrewed beer?

Can't say. Don't know yet. I do know the last time I was drinking in Royal Oak, my friend refused to leave the bar, so I walked home. Luckily it was only a few blocks.

In other news, I forgot my wallet today. No money, no ID, nada. I do have a mini can of diet coke, coffee, and a magazine, so all hope isn't lost. :)

Rain Boot Extravengza

Spring is almost here in Michigan. Technically, I think yesterday was springs calendar debut, but it is hard pressed to tell with the 35 degree weather just yesterday.

But, I did notice sprouts of grass and plenty of rain this morning. Which leads to my new obsession: Rain boots. I saw a pair of rain boots of the Kate Spade variety a few months back and suddenly thought, " I need rain boots."

I'm am at times a bit impulsive. I once took a photo of Hallie Berry to the salon and had the girl cut my hair like Hallie's. She can pull it off. Me, you could see my scalp when I turned sideways.

I played golf on the spur of the moment for work when I was a property manager for a HUD property. When I tried to protest, explaining I'd never played golf, they told me, I'd get the day off with pay, drive around in a cart, eat free steak dinner, and subside the meat with free beer. Well, how can one argue with that?

After said golf outing (I was awful), I decided to take up golf so I took lessons. Then I wanted golf clubs for Christmas. My dad told me to wait to see if I really, really liked golf.

Turned out I didn't. Which brings me back to my rain boots. The Kate Spade ones were classic stylish and expensive, but they lacked the fun of a rain boot. They were more for ladies that take the train to work, carry attache cases and never spill their coffee, or smear their lipstick.

Me though: I'm a puddle jumping mess. I drag a ratty tote bag into the office every morning, with my homemade lunch in an old Target Bag. I never have lipstick on, and I've dropped my coffee mug and watched it roll across the parking lot more than once.

So, I hunted online and found rain boots that were cheaper and more me. These were fun and not to pr icy, so I won't have to feel guilty if I don't wear them 800 times.

But I love boots. I used to have a pair of red boots that I apparently loved so much I insisted on wearing even in summer. And it's then that I decided rain boots are not impulsive for me, they're a rite of passage.

Quote This

A few quotes from a few movies that resonate with me.


What is your name?
Butch: Butch.
Esmeralda: What does it mean?
Butch: I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit.

Pulp Fiction

Was one of those movies that left me changed to the point where it hasn't left me, even 13 years later. Every time I hear the music, it brings me back to a summer of drinking, being young and carefree.


You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp.
Grady Tripp: You're not like my other students, James.

Wonder Boys

A movie about writing that is very funny, but subtle funny. The sort of movie that gets funnier every time I see it.

Is that what you call giving cover?
Sundance Kid: Is that what you call running? If I knew you were going to stroll...

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

One of the best movies of all time. Hands down. Redford and Newman are great actors who started the buddy movie trend. Love, love love this movie!

I know there are many more, but this is the kind of post that will require future updates.

Half Optimist

I watched the movie, Half Nelson last night. The subject matter was a tad depressing, (teacher addicted to crack), but it was a good story in that it wasn't all down-trodden and the story didn't wrap up in some neat little bow at the end. The teacher was played by Ryan Gosling who did a great job in my opinion.

He had a line in the movie about, every time the sun comes up we're blessed with a new day." While that idea isn't new, it was nice for me to be reminded of that once in a while. Today is better than yesterday for me, and maybe tommorow will be even better.

Maybe it's cause I went to the gym, or because the sun is out, or because I got a haircut. Who knows?

I'm just looking forward to feeling good for the rest of the day, minus the tiredness.

I consider myself a cynical optimist. It fits me most of the time.

The Quinlan O Family

Happy St. Patrick's Day on this soon to be Irish revelery weekend.

It seems that everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day and I'm ok with it. A friend just asked if I was feeling any more Irish today. I'm sure he was joking, but in fact I don't feel any more Irish today than I will next week.

Probably because I don't know how it feels to be anything else. I love to celebrate my heritage but that has meant green beer in the past. Now, it just means that I love my huge family. I love that I may go months or weeks between family gatherings, but as soon as I see one of my cousins, aunts or uncles we hug like it was yesterday. We pick up in the middle of the same joke, laugh about the next installment of certain family stories, all while drinking, laughing and sharing.

My Aunt Pat has started collecting all of the family history into wonderful movies on dvd for us all to enjoy. I love pictures too and seeing all of my uncles, aunts and grandparents when they were young. I look forward to my generation and seeing where me and all my cousins end up. Some things I have learned from growing up Irish.

1. Irish people like to love. We welcome all friends like they're family. If you come to a party, expect to be interrogated and then welcomed with wide open arms.
2. Yes, there is the drinking.
3. I know that I will always be a fighter. I'm a kind and gentle person who often gets mistaken as meek. Go ahead, underestimate me or talk down to me. You won't do it twice.
4. Pride- Irish people in general and it seems my family especially are full of pride. Our last name is revered, tattoted, printed on shirts, and even when the women in the family marry they often keep Quinlan.
5. You can't just leave a family party unannounced, unless your Uncle Tony. He's scooted away a few times. But the tradition is to hug everyone and spend at least 30 minutes saying good-bye. If one has somewhere to be, you better plan for the goodbye to get out on time.
6.We're not a flashy family. I'm sure we all do fine in our respective jobs, but no one is going to suck up to you because you dress in fancy clothes or have a big career. We love our tree-trimmers with as much vigor as our professional althetes. We also have a few teachers, an undertaker, a copywriter, an accountant, speech therapist, marketing person, copywriter, artist, canoe livery operator, producer of a quilting show on PBS.

But as soon as somebody gets a big ego, you'll get knocked down on your ass.

I miss my family but I take comfort in knowing they're all a family party away and if I ever get in trouble, they will be there, which brings me to 7.
7. We show up. When my brother Shane was hurt in a tree accident, the whole family came down by the van-ful to pile into Shane's hospital room.

When my dad was sick with cancer and chemo treatments his brothers and sisters came down in shifts to visit and help me my brother and my mom out. When my cousin Travis died last year, my dad came to the wake even though he was pretty sick, he wanted to be there for his brothers, sisters, neices and nephews.

Well, Irish people like to talk and since I'm finally out of steam, I'll leave you to have your Irish memories, I'm late for a potluck lunch here at the office.

Happy St.Patrick's Day to one and all.

Be Safe.

Apples are not Oranges

I felt like I had to take hand to keyboard today and get something down. Have been under a work cloud lately and haven't been able to pay my blog too much attention.

Did I get my free Starbucks coffee this morning? Yes, I did. I usually make coffee at home most mornings, and I did this morning, but some days there just isn't enough of it.

After work I'm going to the Apple store to buy a new bag for my laptop. I tried to cheap out and buy one at Walmart, but that simply won't too. My computer is too skinny and slides too and fro. So, it's off to Apple I go.

I realize I spent enough money on the computer so I might as well pony up the money to carry it around, or there isn't much of a point in buying a laptop.

No Takers on the Death Express

This morning during my morning commute, I discovered something even more unsettling and nerve inducing than having a cop drive behind you.

A hearst. Yes, a hearst followed me all the way to work and I kept feeling like the Grim Reaper was out for a joy ride and wanted company.

Sorry buddy. Not today. How come he didn't follow me yesterday when I was feeling a bit down, defeated and depressed?

No, he waits till today when I'm rather tired, but in a better mood.

Ah well. I made it to work without taking a turn on the death cab.

So, things are looking up.

Giant Button of Grace

This morning was a good sleeping morning. The kind of morning where the covers are just warm enough, snuggled just so that I was full cocooned and could have slept for days.

But as is custom for those of us who need money, I had to get out of bed to go the gym, and then on to work.

And here I am. But I often trick myself, promising myself if I get up I'll be able to take a nap later. This is a lie I'll tell myself, but I fall for it every morning.

I do notice that the only time I'm an excellent mathematician is when my snooze button is involved. I can calculate to the second, how much longer I get to sleep if I push it, and how many times I can do it, till I've run out of snooze time.

If only we'd cover snooze button math in Algebra rather than FOIL (First, Outside, Inside, Last), I'd have gotten an A+. My snooze button is my magic genie, my granter of sleep in seven minute increments.

I couldn't live without it. Or coffee. Or showering. Or chocolate. Or rambling.

Land Of Oz

For those of you who may have seen the news yesterday, the tornado that hit Enterprise Alabama, is the town where my cousin Colleen and her son Patrick live.

Patrick goes to the high school, but luckily he wasn't in school yesterday and is fine.

So is Colleen, and I'm so glad. Our big family doesn't talk or gather every day, but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other. In fact, it's been a rough week and year for the family.

My cousin Travis died a year ago this week at 28. I was reminded of this and how life is so precious especially again after yesterday, and I'm grateful that we won't be facing another tragedy today.

Not much other news. I'm just feeling grateful this morning that my big huge Irish clan are all doing ok and I take comfort in knowing that even if I don't talk to them all everyday, there are all only a phone call away.

Stop the Maddness

Anna Nicole Smith.

Small town girl dreamed of making it rich.
Got pregnant young and had a son.
Outfitted herself in big hair and fake boobs.
Became a stripper.
Married an old, old man.
Become a Millionaire.
He died.
She lost her money.
Fought, fought and fought again to get it back.
Used drugs.
Got fat.
Lost the weight.
Got pregnant.
Gained weight.
Had Baby Girl.
Son died.
Lost weight.
Did drugs.
She died.


Now please, can we stop? I don't need to hear one more story, one more entertainment show dedicated to Anna Nicole. The amazing part is how little information anyone has, but yet they dedicate weeks and weeks to her death, while she was alive these same shows helped make fun of her.

I wasn't an Anna Nicole Smith fan, but I'd hoped she'd turn her life around. Sadly she didn't, but the news media really needs to stop reporting her every move, lack of move, burial plan etc.

There is a war going on, thousands of young men and women fighting for our own good living are dying and we gloss over that to skip ahead to see where Anna Nicole will be buried.

Listen, I'm no saint. I read gossip magazines. I read because it helps me forgot how sad and unforgiving the world can be. But I also try and keep up on current events and I'm not talking about how a stripper spent her last day on earth.

I pray that between all these handlers, one of them will be looking out for the best interest of her daughter, so that she may grow up in a world where we spent at least some of our energy on things that matter.

I Wasn't Special I Guess

"We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back."

This bit of wisdom comes the way of Yahoo and is an exert about college students becoming more self centered, more indulged and thus more spoiled. I tend to agree to a certain extent. My college experience was one of hard work, plenty of drinking, two or sometimes three jobs, and learning all kinds of things that couldn't be taught in any classroom.

1. Living with a slutty girl who would sneak off in the night to sleep with random men, not my cup of tea.

2. Having a single dollar for three weeks, because as soon as I broke it, I'd be left with a pile of change, which was somehow worse.

3. Working late nights in the computer lab, because no one really had their own computers back then.

4. Wasn't allowed to have a car as a freshman on campus. Which actually turned out to be a good thing. It forced me to stay up in Big Rapids, and get to know people.
5. Forced to eat in the cafeteria, which meant on Sundays, the hall was closed at 2pm. Most Sunday nights, I ate microwave popcorn for dinner.

6. My parents did what they could to send me money, but they sort of spend it all sending me to college. Extra spending money was up to me. Over the course of four plus years in college, I worked at the cafeteria as a dish-washer, In the Hockey Rink as a concession stand worker, at a Hot and Now, that I had to stalk till they gave me a job, and my reward was a bright purple T-Shirt that said, Hot and Now on it with a lightning bolt in bold yellow, and my final job, which I held for a few years was the carry out window of a certain dining hall. I worked back there pretty much on my own, took phone orders and handed food out the window. This was mostly fine, until the word got out, that apparently I had a "sexy phone voice", and men would call and order pizza like they'd just dialed a 900 number.

7. Having $8 dollars in my bank account, so I had to go to the bank drive-thru and ask for my money.

8. Living on rasin bran for several weeks at a time, as it was filling and cheap.

9. Going to Casey McNab's on Tuesdays for Quarter taco night, and having just enough left over for one beer.

10. Riding around town on the Dial a Ride, which was this big bus that would take you anywhere for a dollar. Not that great of a treat when the only places you could go were K-Mart, and the Dairy Queen, but only in the summer.

If I ever have kids, I'll make sure they have jobs so they appreciate things more and don't expect things to be handed to them, but hopefully they won't have to hold three jobs, plus school.

I'm not complaining, but I sure didn't whine about my lack of computer or much else. I was and still am grateful that my parents could send me to college. That was my gift. And I never forgot how hard they both worked to give me an education. It wasn't their job. If they chose too, after high school they could've just told me, that's it. You're on your own. But they didn't.

In case either of you are reading this, thanks mom and dad.

I dressed for Comfort

If anyone in cyber space is paying attention, I mentioned in my last blog that I may dress up for the Academy Awards. I didn't though. Opted instead for fleece pajamas.

I was still feeling a bit under the weather and had little energy for pomp and circumstance. I ate what I can only assume was a tainted frozen meal Saturday afternoon, and got pretty sick within two hours after consuming it.

Graphic details aren't needed. Suffice it to say, I'm going to write a letter to my friends at Smart Ones, whose parent company is Heinz to share my joy with them. If anyone deserves to hear about how their frozen goodness made me sick, it's them.

Friday night though, I did go to a trendy eatery, The Clarkston Union, which is renowned for their Macaroni and cheese. I tasted it. Yes, it was good, but I'm not sure it lived up to all the hype. The salad I ate before it was better.

And that's all I've got for this Monday Morning.

Not the Hulk

I'm not an angry person. I think I'm fairly even tempered, and am not prone to emotional bursts of anger. I've worked in close proximiety to co-workers and despite stress, frustration and angst, I'm pretty good about staying level-headed.

There are a few people in my life that can make me angry in 3 seconds flat, but those are exceptions, not the norm. I don't tend to operate out of that mode. Often people mistake that for being a push-over.

That is not true.

Lately, I get angry every morning when my alarm goes off at 6 a.m.ish, telling me it's time to go to the gym. And once I rouse myself out of bed, stumble around, dress myself and brush my teeth and get in the car, when I finally get to the gym, I just want to do what I want.

But lately, it's been crowded. New people standing on my treadmill, crowding their way on to my bike and all I want to do is yell for them to get the hell out of my way.

I don't of course, because truth be told, they aren't doing anything wrong. It just pisses me off. That's part of the reason, I drag myself out of bed at that ungodly hour. Because after 5 pm, it's even worse with gym whores.

I'll continue to endure this torture for a while. I'm a mission, but I just don't play well with others at 6 a.m.

Chocolate Covered

The red cellophane hearts are being sold off today like blankets on the side of the road.

Yes, the holiday aftermath. That sad day when a once festive holiday is turned into a ravaged rack of broken cupids, smashed candy and broken conversation hearts, all things pink, and boxes of leftover kiddie Valentines.

Let's make room for the Easter themed junk. I'm just thankful I don't work in a retail setting because shoving the holidays down people's throats would depress me. And how did I spend Valentine's Day?

Had dinner and went to Walmart to get a birthday gift for Karlene's daughter Gwynn. I thought the store would be pretty empty and thankfully it was. I selected a Hokey Pokey Elmo Doll that dances.

Seemed pretty cute for a 2 year old. Her party is on Saturday and since I don't have kids, I'm enjoying playing with my friend's children. Then I can leave.

My dad did call me last night, which was nice and we had a good conversation. I'm not sure if I was alarmed to find out we share some similar political views.

He asked if I was lonely since it was Valentine's Day?

"Not anymore lonely than I was on Tuesday."

I'm lucky that so many people care about me. I appreciate the cards and the well wishes.

Nothing compares to last V-Day, when Becky and I went to Taco Bell.

Now that's romantic.

Bring in the Stupid

Short entry today as I've got to leave early for an appointment.

Anyway, between the long boring meeting to nowhere this morning, the random construction noises and my Microsoft Word defaulting to German, I haven't gotten a whole lot done.

Which is not that surprising considering I wasn't given any clear direction, just " make it new."

Ok. Check.

In other news, my mom is in town and she is coming over to spend the evening with me on Friday. Should be fun. Yes, I get along with my mom and yes I think she's fun but no, we're not the Gilmore Girls.

Fuck them. :)

Lunchtime and then appointment in Ann Arbor.

And the Oscar Goes Too

The Oscars are just around the corner. Who will win Best Picture, Who is that? and Really? That Movie was nominated?

All kinds of questions surround Oscar Night. This year's question I am wrestling with, is Will I dress up again?

Several years ago, My friend and I got all dressed up for the Oscars and watched them at home. You've got to get some use out of those old bridesmaid dresses. I found a glittery top heavy with Jewel crusted stones and a long black skirt. I did my hair like I was going to the prom, and Karlene dressed in similar attire.

We served snacks on silver platters, had drinks out of champagne flutes, and making a grand entrance by waltzing down the stair case.

I haven't done my Oscar ritual since, but my family still talks about it. I think they think that I'm insane. And maybe I am. But I sure had fun. The problem was that it was just the two of us there.

Now that I live alone, I'm not sure I'll bother to get all dressed up. Because really being all dressed up in full evening gown attire, at home alone, at some point is a little too reminiscent of Mrs. Habbersham in Great Expectations.

Either way, I've got a few weeks to decide what I'm wearing.

Comfortably Numb

How's everything going with you? Tell me a story.

nik



There once was a girl who was sad with the state of
her life. Her friends were moving away, having babies,
getting engaged, or planning weddings.
She did not wish to become a bridesmaid.
Again.

She works in advertising doing ads for one of the BiG 3,
and last week when she saw smoke across the street, she prayed that X
was burning down its Headquarters for the insurance
money.

She doesn't have any matches and is not a suspect.

As her saddness comes and goes, she wallows a bit, but
true to her Irish nature, decides it isn't time to
lay down.

She forged again into her gym foray of late, enlisting
the help of an older brother, who tutored her on the
weight machines, to supplement her early morning
cardio routine. She's been exercising and trying to
eat healthfully for a few months now.

Feeling optimistic, she hopped on her bathroom scale
even as she cringed inwardly with such an unhelpful
tool.

But she is her father's daughther, and got on anyway.
She learned then why she HATED an unliving thing.
How could the weight be exactly one pound heavier than
when she started, yet her clothes were getting looser
and her face was thinning out?

It was then she decided it was all bullshit.

She knew she was working hard and knew she's going to
be a lot happier when she loses this weight. She
joined Weight Watchers online for some added
structure, opting this time to skip the in person
meetings. She realized she's not that nice, and
doesn't care to waste time listening to other ladies
talk about fiber and filling salad toppings.

She knows she can do this on her own, and is finding
WW online a good alternative. She likes any reason to
play with her new MacBook laptop that she bought herself.

She hired someone to do a web site for
her, to put up her portfolio. She was just contacted by a new
recruiter yesterday, and is optimistic about finding a
new job. Hopefully, in a few months.

She read on Yahoo, an article about the top 5 jobs for
2007, copywriter is one of those jobs. And in even
higher demand are CW's who are skilled in both
Interactive and Print. This makes her smile.

This weekend, she's going to hang out with a friend
and spend the rest of it, organizing her job
search materials, watch a documentary from Netflix,and
try not to freeze to death in Michigan's record low
cold tempertures.

She wonders if a new city and a new shape will shake
up the men. She listens to Hot Child every morning on
the treadmill, and knows, "She can be a hot child in
the city, where all the boys all stop and stare."

She doesn't want that attention from men on looks
alone, but is tired of getting used for her brain. She
is boycotting any more male friendships. If the men
don't wish to sleep with her, she doesn't wish to make
them laugh or engage in conversation. Previous male
friends will be grandfathered in, and should not
become alarmed that she will randomly attack them.

Married men friends are not targets either.

She is happy that a renegade cowboy, Nik is her friend
and is planning to run into him sometime again in this
lifetime.

She wants to buy him a beer, and talk about Redford
and Newman, and Mr. Cash.

He never expected such a long story, but he knows how
she can ramble.

Phone Home

this was your baby, and now i got 'em send me a birthday card or the little fucker gets it.....................

The note above followed the picture in an email from my brother Shane. When we we're kids, he really loved the movie ET. I guess things have changed.
He used to wear a necklace with ET's head on it. In his defense, he was probably 8 or 9. But we grew up seeing ET in the theater and we were young enough to think it was a pretty cool movie. It came out when movies were an Event, and stayed in the theaters for months.

So, back to the hanging of ET.

A few summers ago, Connie and I were up in Lake Leelanau visiting my mom for the weekend. C. wanted to go see some shops, and we came upon a thrift store, that I swear was a storage bin for old shit from Sanford and Son.

And there on a table piled with misc. crap sat ET.
I bought him for Shane for his birthday as a joke.

Fast forward a few weeks. Shane called to invite me out on the lake with him and Jeff for the day. Boating is always preferable to sweating, so I took him up on the offer. I packed up ET and brought him along. When I got to Jeff's house, I pulled ET out of my bag and handed him to Shane.

Since S. is no longer 8, but closer to 35, he looked at me, and said,"

"What the hell is this?"

Me: "It's ET."

"I can see that, but why did you buy me a doll?"

Me: "It's ET."

Shane was not impressed, and I was sick of driving around with him in my car.
His head had already fallen off on me, and I'd performed emergency surgery in the car.

But even ailens need a little sun, so I brought him on the boat.

And then forgot him. I'd planned to take him and find him a good home. I felt it was my duty after I'd paid a whole quarter.

A few days later, the ransom letter arrived in my Inbox.

Next year, Shane got a card.

Dragon Slayer

Some days I wake up ready to tackle the world. Other days, I just feel run over and want to take a nap.

This morning was somewhere in the middle. I slayed virtual Dragons this morning. To borrow a phrase from Elvis, I TCB. (Took Care of Business). Hopped on Netflix to report my missing movie that supposedly arrived two days ago and didn't.

Then emailed Communication Arts to inform them that my subscription was running out two months early for no apparent reason, they agreed and promised to correct the problem.

I then tackled Sallie Mae. Actually that student loan has been off my back, but I had to print a summary of interest paid for tax purposes.

So, really not that exciting. No fire, no swords or threats of sudden death. I found it liberating just the same. Tonight, I will take on the mammoth check book and my pile of bills.

Whoo-HOO

Free Time

Last night's drive home was a good one. Meaning the roads were dry, traffic moved and I got home at a decent time. Amazing what a decent commute will do for one's mood.

My usual ritual is to arrive home, throw the mail on the coffee table, hang up my coat, and then sit on the couch for a few mintues to just breathe.

After that I dig around in the kitchen for dinner. Last night was quick because I had leftovers. Then I unwind with an episode of Friends which is the equilviant of eating a big bowl of Mac and Cheese.

Then I cruised over to the library to return some books, and of course picked up some more. I can't stop when they're is free media. I snagged Dave Eggers new book, What is What. Then I got some free movies.

Searching for Debra Winger, an doc about actresses in Hollywood and Mad Hot Ballroom and the entire second season of Six Feet Under. Love that show, and I know I've seen most of that season once upon a time, but it's a good thing to watch in the evening.

Maybe that's why I've been depressed?

After the library, I went to Target to pick up some household items and decided to treat myself to a Valentine Day t-shirt. It does not expressly support V-Day, but I thought it was cute, and is really just an extension of my love of the theme sock.

If nothing else, I can use a few more long sleeve t-shirts for the gym. Shane came over on Saturday and showed me an entire weight routine to supplement my cardio.

I'll be picking up cars with my bare hands in no time.